10-26-2010, 05:11 PM
(10-26-2010, 05:05 PM)Alexisis Wrote: It does fell really important now though. I've talked almost daily (Not in chat but with mics) and like I said she has my phone number and will ring me sometimes when I'm not around. We've talked a lot about problems in life and supported each other too.
As sad as some people will say it is she has been really the best friend I've ever had. I'm so worried. She has big issues about trust which just makes it a million times worse. God I wish I could just rewind time and say the truth because not making friends at this point would just put me back where I've always been, but now I have I'm going to loose something really important to me that I've never had before. :/
It's killing me, I can't think of anything else. I'm getting stress headaches.
I know she wants to move to this country too. She's asked if she can stay at my place at some point. I wish I was someone else so I could say yes so freely. The only thing I can think to do is to hurt myself and try to cut myself off now, rather than betray her and hurt her too. It's not a selfless as that sounds I know, in doing this I realeaze I'm also trying to be in control of my pain and rejection. If I run a mile it was "my choice" and I was never rejected.......
I'm getting such bad stress.
Well I know she's a she because we talk over the phone and with mics. But also I'm not worried about that side of things, because she wants to meet someone else too, who lives in this country too. And she has had family and her boyfriend in the background a lot of the time over the the time I've known her, so her lying about things doesn't seem possible.
TBH if she's talking to you over the internet and you both are taking the relationship seriously this is quite freaky. It's just so awkward how you are acting like you have known this IRL for years...