08-09-2010, 01:55 AM
Alright, none of you know about any of my past, so I'll fill you in on a few details first, and I'll try to keep the wall-o-text down.
Several months back I had a lot of problems with a few people, I was into a lot of crap/crimes/etc, not a good lifestyle to cut it short. I was depressed, always angry, had an entire notebook filled with ideas and plans of killing them all, how to do it, different ways, how to get to each one, suicide plans and ideas for after, I got really close to someone and I just changed my mind one day.
She changed my thought process, but now that she's gone, I'm having these thoughts again, I lay in bed for hours doing absolutely nothing, feeling depressed and moody, and I'm filling a new notebook. I wont say I'm suicidal as in straight up killing myself, but I don't fear danger, or death, or any of that. A lot of things I find myself doing are dangerous and usually life threatening. I don't want to 'go see someone'.
Also, I've had a history of anger problems, but they seem much worse now and more violent. Right now my ex is being a nightmare (One before last, not the one I just lost. She's a cheating bitch, but that's another story) she's making this a lot worse. I really don't feel like existing, life is so..boring to me.
And one last thing, could this happen for the rest of my life? It's happened once, and here it is again, will it keep going?
Ideas, opinions, thoughts?
Several months back I had a lot of problems with a few people, I was into a lot of crap/crimes/etc, not a good lifestyle to cut it short. I was depressed, always angry, had an entire notebook filled with ideas and plans of killing them all, how to do it, different ways, how to get to each one, suicide plans and ideas for after, I got really close to someone and I just changed my mind one day.
She changed my thought process, but now that she's gone, I'm having these thoughts again, I lay in bed for hours doing absolutely nothing, feeling depressed and moody, and I'm filling a new notebook. I wont say I'm suicidal as in straight up killing myself, but I don't fear danger, or death, or any of that. A lot of things I find myself doing are dangerous and usually life threatening. I don't want to 'go see someone'.
Also, I've had a history of anger problems, but they seem much worse now and more violent. Right now my ex is being a nightmare (One before last, not the one I just lost. She's a cheating bitch, but that's another story) she's making this a lot worse. I really don't feel like existing, life is so..boring to me.
And one last thing, could this happen for the rest of my life? It's happened once, and here it is again, will it keep going?
Ideas, opinions, thoughts?