I don't understand my brother

[UnderGroundMerlin]

Don't know if this will help but in past experience getting a third party that is not emotionally involved and getting their opinion helps me.

Anyways I am having trouble with my brother. He is 32, divorced, has 2 kids, remarried last year in November to someone who is younger than me (I'm 22) and he is back living with me and the parents.

He is on a downward spiral, keeps on messing up. He had a great job at the city but quit it after he got divorced. But eh lets back up.

I have and will never consider him as my brother. Ever since I was little I never saw him a lot cause he was out getting drunk, doing drugs, and just basically messing up. Never listens to my parents or anyone really. He has lived the majority of his life just partying and doing what feels good for himself. His personality is that of a High School jock. Thinks that he is top dog all the time and that he is a man so he does not have to listen to anyone. But it is hurting my parents so much to see their child just keep on messing up. I myself just say disown him cause they have spent so much time on him, trying to help him out and set him on the right path to just fail again.

The main wake up call he had in his life is when he was in a drunk driving accident, flipped his car, it was completely totaled but he came away with only cuts and bruises. That's when he got it into his head that he needs to settle down and start a family. But he went about it all the wrong way. Met some woman online, they talked for a month, had sex the next month, then knocked her up on the third month. But the first time the family met the woman we all already knew that it just was not going to work out.

She was a college know it all that thought she knew everything because she was studying psychology. Now my brother is a heavy drinker and can not hold his alcohol. (no one in my family can, they all turn angry and obnoxious when drunk. Except me I'm a happy loving drunk and toss out free kisses) She did not like his drinking and was trying to control him to much, it's what eventually broke the marriage apart. They had 2 kids while together so now he has to pay child support.

Now near the end of his first marriage, I guess he was talking to his new wife (thats what he tells us but he tells to many lies for us to know what is real or not) He moved into a double wide trailer, and lived there for about 5months. During those 5 months is when he really started to mess up again.
He quit his job at the city and got some other job where he makes less money. Well making less money while paying child support is a really really bad move. While he was living at the trailer he had his birthday party. His new wife invited a whole bunch of her friends over and basically just had a big orgy.

Now in my opinion, He is a father, he should of spent his birthday with his kids. Also while he was living at the trailer he banged some chick on his 4 year old daughters bed then bragged about it to me. This is when my hatred for him just shot up like never before. But there was a moment before that that involves my sister that made me realize that he just does not care for family.

When my sister was having relationship trouble with her boyfriend she decided to go hang out with her brother. Her brother pressured he to have sex with some guy which was a huge mistake because she got pregnant because of that. This was before he got married to his first wife. Also another reason why he got the idea into his head that he needs to start a family.

Ok now back to the present. He is back living with me and the parents and we are just getting frustrated with him. Anytime I try to talk to him about himself he just turns the conversation to about me saying "I don't have to listen to someone who doesn't have a job and not had any real life experience yet" Which I just call bullshit on cause that don't mean anything. All I want is to see him succeed and call him brother but I just don't ever see that happening. He plans to stay with us until his new wives grandparents die so they get their house.

We all told him he just does not need anyone in his life right now cause he is just dragging this poor woman down into the dirt with him. He just needs to focus on himself and his children. But anytime my parents tell him that he just says "I can't just live on my own or else I will put a bullet in my head"

I am just getting really sick and tired of his bullshit. He shows no real attempt to change himself or even acknowledge how/why he is messing up. Just seeing the pain in my parents eyes is breaking my heart and just fuels my hatred towards him even more.

Anyways I just needed to get this off of my chest.

[soul3]

I hope, for your sake, that the rest of your family has it more together; it sounds like you do.

Your brother doesn't sound that different from my mom's 2nd husband.

People can be strange, and some can be great. What I've learned over the years is spend more time with the great people, and less time with the strange ones... but I understand that currently you don't have a lot of choice since he is living at your place.

Hang in there, eventually he will be gone. If not, why not move out on your own? Sounds like you are old enough.

[UnderGroundMerlin]

Yeah I am old enough but I'm in college taking courses for web design, graphic design, film and spend a lot of time writing for a web series that I am trying to make. Basically just focusing on making my dreams happen. Between college and drawing up my show (it's animation so gotta draw frame by frame which takes forevvvvvvver) I got like 20 hours in a week for a job which won't allow me to afford my own place. Parents gave me a 3 year option to let me work on my own stuff and if it doesn't workout then I'll get a full time job and move out.

Plus I help out around the house doing dishes, yard work, help my dad work on the cars. My brother doesn't do any of that stuff.

Thats also another thing… the dishes. I live outside of the house already in a shed in the backyard. Pretty nice, its a 30x30 room. But I never leave dirty dishes in my room. My brother lives inside the house and he just hoards dishes in there. Just leave plates and cups in his room that still has food and drink in them for days.

[unusedunsued22]

Your brother is an butthead. I'm sorry.

[Clark]

Ultimately, you cannot let someone elses terrible actions affect the quality of your life. Your brother is no longer a teenager, and unfortunately he has taken a very stupid path in life but this doesn't have to be a problem for you. In fact, you could look at this as motivation. Be everything that he isn't and always strive to surpass him. It's always sad to see a family member choose a bad path in life but you can only support them for so long, and when it starts taking away from your happiness, something has to change.

[Diabolic]

I'm with Clark on this one. Then again, I don't think disowning him or your parents disowning him will do any good either. Maybe just push him towards a more drastic type of situation. Which I'm pretty darn sure none of you want. He has to make his own decisions however. When you hit 30, you should either have a family or a job that pays well and be living life as best as you can possible make it for yourself. By the time you're at that age, you should already have everything somewhat planned out. That goes for job, yourself, housing and other things. If the drinking thing really is a problem, you should try get him some help, maybe he's an alcoholic in denial and just doesn't know it yet.

Let me know if anything else happens. Would love to hear from you.