How to reconnect with an old friend and deal with emotional bullying

[WalkingonStarlight]

I'm going to try and make this long story as short as possible. I'm basically wanting to reconnect with an old friend whom I had a misunderstanding with. We used to like each other, he met someone else and I dealt with that and moved on. However we still had a good friendship, but his girlfriend I think felt threatened by me. There was a misunderstanding over Facebook because I wouldn't add her he assumed I thought she was a bad person which wasn't the case. I had never met her and only seen her in passing. I'm a very private person and don't add everybody to my Facebook. Plus regarding her body language it did seem as if she was worried I might 'steal' him or something, there were some glares.

So he blocked me and hasn't talked to me for two years just about. To make it worse I had a friend, who wasn't really a friend. She became very jealous over me, she didn't like to go out with me because she said in an angry outburst one day, ''all the guys will just go for you''. That and she was always putting me down, telling me I would never get anywhere, I was useless, etc.

We were all in this small community, a costume/anime one. She went to his group and spread rumors about me. I know there must be rumors because when I walk into a convention or event, I get stared at like I'm a main attraction and there are giggles, sniggers, and whispering. (This still happens two years later) I attempted to talk to him once, he ran away...she also talks to them a lot now. Yet there are times if we see each other he does look at me with a sad expression and kind of gravitates towards me. So I would assume he may still have a want for the friendship himself. We were friends for three years and I thought he was one of the most genuine friends I really had.

My question is, how can I reconnect with someone in a situation like this? I did value our friendship and he did say he didn't want to have to delete me (I think it was the girlfriend who was fretting). I'm one of those people who if I value you, and we have a fight I will forgive and forget quite easily. Because life is just too short to have grudges or regrets.

My second question is, how can I deal with this emotional bullying? My old friend is quite mainpulative so I don't want to go anywhere near her. I hate the tension when I go into these places, especially since I don't know what has been said about me. Even if I could never be friends with him or some of my old friends again, I would like to at least be friendly and not have this icy atmosphere.

[Callum]

Hi WalkingOnStarlight.
Thank you for asking for help today. I've read over this post (since you've made two, possibly by refreshing the page twice or more) however, I've seen what you've put. Regarding the Facebook issue. I've had a Girlfriend in the similar issue as you and I can understand what problem your encountering. I'd suggest having a meal with her or inviting her out to explain the issues and explain how you feel about the situation. I guarantee you if you tell her about it, she'l feel much better and less threatened.

Your friend who turned out to be an nasty person - don't worry about her. She's obviously someone you shouldn't care about. I can tell that you must be very good lucking and that's possibly why she's so mad. You have got somewhere in life and nobody can fail life in my opinion unless you do drugs and ruined your foundation education (which my colleague did, and he's failed) But you shouldn't be worried about this.

About your anime conferences. I believe that you are a strong person and can tell by what you are typing. You shouldn't be put off by this. Maybe it's not a bad thing? He could be starting false rumors but I wouldn't worry about it. Showing no emotion about it would normally resolve the issue.

If you wish to reconnect with a person like this, do something like I suggested before and ask them out for a meal, invite them over for a quiet evening or coffee. You can always resolve issues, if he chooses not to respond positively then you know he's past the stage of recovery. Remember, that's not your problem - that's his.

Emotional bullying is wrong and should not tolerated in society. You can never change an stuck up person like that. I've got the same issue and my way of dealing with it is not responding. They will soon become bored.

I hope this has helped you and I'm more than happy to provide personal support to you via Skype or such at any time. PM me if you've got any more issues.

Regards,
Callum.

[WalkingonStarlight]

Hi Callum, the site won't actually let me PM you until I have ten posts so I'm just going to reply here. Thanks so much for the reply as well.

I do like the sound of perhaps meeting them for coffee to talk or what not. I just feel it would be difficult without an ice breaker and both of them blocked me two years ago on Facebook even after I apologized to her in a message for not accepting her friend requests, I admitted I thought she didn't really like me and that I didn't think of her as a bad person. It was actually even very strange to have to do that to someone I had never met.

My manipulative friend is often with them and her and his girlfriend snigger and laugh at me. So I feel like I have a mountain to climb. I believe my old friend has probably told them lies like I was trying to steal him (that's probably the only way she could get her on her side after all). Which frustrates me because it's not in my nature.

I'm just a bit confused as to which one to approach first or whether or not I should do it in person. I'm thinking the eye to eye approach would be better. At least that way things won't be interpreted differently as it was before.

[Callum]

Hi WalkingOnStarlight.
If you've got Skype you can comment your name. I would just ignore them if that is what is going on.
Hope you're having a great day.

Regards,
Callum.