So sad :(

[dwaco]

Im a 19 year old male and I dont know whats wrong with me, I started to become more emotional and its gone to the point where i cry myself to sleep night after night :'( Im just so sad. I miss people i dont know, i worry myself with the problems of the world: poverty, religion, world hunger, wars, i just hate the world. Im just so sad i dont know what to do anymore, i have a loving family and great friends, and im happy most of the time but when i get into bed at night, when im all alone, tears just start to flow down my cheeks and cry because it hurts so much.

[Clark]

Depression and possible OCD, seeing how these thoughts keep entering your head. I'd consult a psychologist.

[dwaco]

I was afraid thats the case. I read up on it and you're probably right. . . .
But I've never told anyone this and i dont know how to bring it up to my parents. In theyre eyes Ive always been the stable and dependable person in our houshold.

[Gadget]

It's better to talk to someone before it becomes a bigger issue. My parents didn't learn about my depression until I was in the hospital on dialysis. I wish you the best of luck with sorting out your problems!

[dwaco]

Thanks, it means a lot to know theres people out there who care. I recently become better friends with a girl ive known for a few years but never really knew and shes going through similar stuff. It also really helped me to have someone to talk to. We're both there for each other when we need someone and its changed my life and i think her's too.

[Clark]

Depression would explain the general sadness, and OCD would explain the re-occuring thoughts about situations beyond your realm for ex: issues regarding World hunger/poverty/religion/hate are all worries i had when i was suffering with severe OCD before i got help. I'd suggest keeping busy at night, watching a movie, hang out with some friends, or a GF if you have one. Take your mind off your worries, and i'd personally recommend seeing a psychologist. They DO help.

[dwaco]

Whatever is wrong with me is getting worse.

I found this friend who care about me a lot and i care about her a lot too, both probably more than we should as we're only friends.
Last week she was admitted to hospital, there's something wrong with her kidney and after being discharged 4 days ago, she was admitted again this morning. She's almost the only reason i have left to live for, she's been through a lot in her life and she's asked me several times to 'take her away to a far away place'. I'm not sure what that means, but i want to protect her with everything I have and I won't let someone hurt her again. Looking after her and making sure she's okay makes me feel like I have a reason to be on this earth. However, I find myself struggling with what I call 'episodes of depression': sometimes I just cant seem to do anything without hating the world or wanting to punch a wall.

During these 'episodes' i just feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die. To the contrary though, I sometimes experience up to an entire day of crazy happiness where all is well and the world is just fine. I don't seem as worried about the world and it's problems and I just enjoy my life. I've searched for a cause of why my moods are so extreme, but i cannot find any direct link to anything in my life. I've learnt to almost live with it, but the depressive mood state I sometimes find myself in seems to be getting worse up to the point where I simply just burst into tears for no reason at all and just lay there for hours hugging a pillow.

I have mixed feelings about wanting to live or not. I won't ever commit suicide, but I've lost my religion about a year ago, and since then I lost almost all my remaining friends because of it. I just don't see the point of this whole living and eventually just dying anyway.

I cannot tell my parents any of this, and I can't afford the help of a professional. But I just have so much I think about and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy, there are people with bigger problems than mine, but I want to be the best friend I can to this girl and right now it seems that my emotional state begins to interfere with that so I feel like I need help, even if it's just for her sake.
If something were to happen to my friend I wouldn't survive, I'm not allowed to visit her and it's already driving me insane.

[Clark]

Whatever is wrong with me is getting worse.

I found this friend who care about me a lot and i care about her a lot too, both probably more than we should as we're only friends.
Last week she was admitted to hospital, there's something wrong with her kidney and after being discharged 4 days ago, she was admitted again this morning. She's almost the only reason i have left to live for, she's been through a lot in her life and she's asked me several times to 'take her away to a far away place'. I'm not sure what that means, but i want to protect her with everything I have and I won't let someone hurt her again. Looking after her and making sure she's okay makes me feel like I have a reason to be on this earth. However, I find myself struggling with what I call 'episodes of depression': sometimes I just cant seem to do anything without hating the world or wanting to punch a wall.

During these 'episodes' i just feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die. To the contrary though, I sometimes experience up to an entire day of crazy happiness where all is well and the world is just fine. I don't seem as worried about the world and it's problems and I just enjoy my life. I've searched for a cause of why my moods are so extreme, but i cannot find any direct link to anything in my life. I've learnt to almost live with it, but the depressive mood state I sometimes find myself in seems to be getting worse up to the point where I simply just burst into tears for no reason at all and just lay there for hours hugging a pillow.

I have mixed feelings about wanting to live or not. I won't ever commit suicide, but I've lost my religion about a year ago, and since then I lost almost all my remaining friends because of it. I just don't see the point of this whole living and eventually just dying anyway.

I cannot tell my parents any of this, and I can't afford the help of a professional. But I just have so much I think about and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy, there are people with bigger problems than mine, but I want to be the best friend I can to this girl and right now it seems that my emotional state begins to interfere with that so I feel like I need help, even if it's just for her sake.
If something were to happen to my friend I wouldn't survive, I'm not allowed to visit her and it's already driving me insane.

Sounds like you're suffering from Depression and Bi-polar disorder. Have you considered seeing a psychologist? They're certified professionals who's one purpose is to help you overcome psychological disorders. You'll be a lot happier if you took the time to see one.

[KSG]

I just read over this and I can relate to a couple of things.

I too stepped away from religion and have had a lot of thoughts of "what's the point of living?"

I've learned to distract myself a bit. Sometimes we feel awful because we need to change, fix, or improve something. In that case we need to think about what we need to do and move forward. Other times we just feel awful. I basically just ask myself what I can do right now for the best possible outcome for the people I care about. Whether I always envy the position, there are people who depend on me so even if the whole purpose of my life is to make sure that they have something to live for then so be it.

When I come to the conclusion that the answers that I'm looking for are out of reach or I simply cannot do anything to improve the situation RIGHT NOW, yet I feel awful RIGHT NOW, I find ways to numb my mind. What kind of trivial stuff are you into? Funny movies? Horror movies? Video games?

You can only feel so good before you feel bad again. Likewise, you can only feel so bad before you feel good again. I guess what I'm saying is that if your bad feelings aren't going to lead to something positive, then find a way to ride them out. It works for me anyway.