Unwelcoming Parents?

[cupcake]

That may not be the best title, but I'll try and explain what I mean...I've been in a relationship for 14 months now and have never met his parents, and their reason just doesn't suffice. They don't want me to stay over because, their house is too messy? They've been "tidying up" now for over a year. He live's quite far away from me...4 hours when he's at home. When he's at uni I can see him as much as I like. I feel like it's just that they don't want to meet me, I mean at this rate I will be meeting them at my own wedding. I've suggested staying in a hotel in his area but I have really bad anxiety which makes it hard for me to stay away by myself, and he's not sure he'd be able to stay with because he doesn't really have the money too.

I've suggested lots of things, everyone brushes them off. I started to feel like perhaps they don't want to meet me?

I've suggested summer holidays because they are longer, me staying in a hotel with him, going out for a meal..I can't think of anything else...

[King]

Hey cupcake,

Welcome to the site.

It looks like one of a few things is going on here. I want to know if it's him who is rejecting your requests to meet his parents, or if it's his parents? Because it may be that he's embarrassed to have you around. He might not feel comfortable with his girlfriend and parents being in the same room. As crazy as that sounds, many people deny the fact they're even in a relationship because they don't want their parents finding out. This has been going on for 14 months though, so it's definitely possible that that's not the case.

I don't know why he would be, but another common cause for this type of thing is that he may be ashamed to be with you. You'd be best to judge whether this is even a possibility or not. I know it sounds harsh, but some people can actually be ashamed to be with the one they love - they like to keep their private life, well, private. I doubt this is the issue, however, you might just like to think if it's a possibility. I know I was ashamed of one of my girlfriends (she was an absolute slut and my parents/sister knew it). I put off having her meet my parents for as long as possible.

Maybe they are just very busy? I know it sounds crazy, but it's possible that they have got a lot going on. Though it does sound as though their excuses are pretty poor. It sounds like your boyfriend's making up excuses to keep you from visiting his parents. That's what I get from what you wrote. Once again, it may be shame, embarrassment, or something beyond me.

Is there any other information you can add?

[cupcake]

His parent's apparently know about me, he's met most of my family by his own choice. He hasn't hidden me from anyone. All his friends know, he hold's my hand when go around the town centre together, he comes to visit me at my home and is openly affectionate to me. In fact we are often out in public together, I've met one of his room mates at uni and was introduced as his girlfriend. I don't feel like it's him at all, he's not ashamed by me, his parents are just...odd. And actually he suggested we get promise rings and so we both wear rings now

I'm pretty sure its his parents

[King]

His parent's apparently know about me, he's met most of my family by his own choice. He hasn't hidden me from anyone. All his friends know, he hold's my hand when go around the town centre together, he comes to visit me at my home and is openly affectionate to me. In fact we are often out in public together, I've met one of his room mates at uni and was introduced as his girlfriend. I don't feel like it's him at all, he's not ashamed by me, his parents are just...odd. And actually he suggested we get promise rings and so we both wear rings now

I'm pretty sure its his parents

It sounds like it is his parents, indeed. Perhaps you could try telling your boyfriend that you don't understand what the problem with meeting them is. Maybe there's some latent reason he hasn't told you about. If he were to read this thread, I'm sure he'd do his best to explain whatever the problem is - I don't think he sees it as a problem though. It seems as though he's just casually brushing the whole girlfriend/parents thing off.

If it means that much to you, keep pursuing it. Explain to him your concerns. If you don't mind meeting them at a later time (hopefully not on your wedding day ), then don't worry about it. I'm sure there will be an opportunity eventually.

[cupcake]

It sounds like it is his parents, indeed. Perhaps you could try telling your boyfriend that you don't understand what the problem with meeting them is. Maybe there's some latent reason he hasn't told you about. If he were to read this thread, I'm sure he'd do his best to explain whatever the problem is - I don't think he sees it as a problem though. It seems as though he's just casually brushing the whole girlfriend/parents thing off.

If it means that much to you, keep pursuing it. Explain to him your concerns. If you don't mind meeting them at a later time (hopefully not on your wedding day ), then don't worry about it. I'm sure there will be an opportunity eventually.

I know he doesn't really like his parents :/
I'm a bit worried about all this though. I don't really want this to go on too long, and all that keeps going through my head is when? At his graduation? What about if we had a child? Would they want to see me then? I think I worry a little bit too much :/

[King]

I know he doesn't really like his parents :/
I'm a bit worried about all this though. I don't really want this to go on too long, and all that keeps going through my head is when? At his graduation? What about if we had a child? Would they want to see me then? I think I worry a little bit too much :/

Perhaps you're overthinking it just a little. At the end of the day, they're his parents and it should be his responsibility to introduce them to you, even if he's currently making no active effort to do so. Maybe he's just uncomfortable with the idea of you and his parents - who knows.