I was thrown away like pure trash.

[heartless]

I haven't witnessed too many happy marriages. My parents never should have gotten together period, my grandfather, while a loving guy and great father, cheated on my grandmother for years, and a number of my cousins have been cheated on and/or beat.

I never thought I'd find someone. I decided, at 15, that I never wanted to be married and I didn't trust men. At 19, I met someone who I fell in love with and he made me trust him. Shortly afterward, he broke my heart. Repeatedly. There is no trust left at all. He shattered any remaining remnants of my trust the day he cheated on me.

I just found out about it Wednesday night. I was so upset that I crawled into bed with my Mom at 4:00am, bawling. I've been crying every day and I've puked twice. I'm anxious and the anxiety almost never goes away. I can't sleep hardly at all. Falling asleep is nearly impossible until I've become so worn down that I'm about to collapse and even then I have bad dreams and wake up repeatedly. I barely eat, even thinking of food makes me sick. I am afraid I'll throw up so I'm afraid to eat like normal...if I even could.

I seem to get worse when I am alone. I have no friends at home, only friends at college and I'm home for the summer. When no one is online, I get upset. The anxiety starts to climb ever so slowly and I get paranoid. I tried to cut him out of my life but I'm still talking to him. We aren't together and it kills me to think of him moving on. He insists that he still cares about me and is sorry but I feel like our entire relationship was just a joke. Nearly 4 years of lies. I was honest, he wasn't. But I can't bring myself to move on. Being alone makes me so anxious and I can't get myself to focus on anything else. When I leave the house, I feel uncomfortable because I feel like breaking down in tears at any given moment.

I haven't really wanted to take care of myself. I don't feel compelled to try to eat or drink. I'm not all that worried about my health and I have self-destructive thoughts. I don't know how to snap myself out of it...the anxiety is probably the worst part.

[Integrity]

Although I have never experienced your situation I will tell you this, the world is not all bad like that. The best thing for you is to move on. If he has done it before he will do it again. I am so sorry you had to meet a pussy like him, but right now you got to take care of yourself get him out of your mind. He has hurt you but you will get better. The best way to move on as hard as it is, is to forgive him. Once you forgive him you can move on, don't go back to him either, if he has done it before chances are he will do it again. Just try to stop thinking about it, it may be hard but it will help. Best of luck OP, you are probably a good person who has picked the wrong guy.

[heartless]

Thanks, I'm trying but I've come to really hate myself lately. I don't know how to stop talking to him without giving myself a panic attack. =/

[Integrity]

Keep in mind, none of this is your fault. So do not hate yourself, it will most likely be very hard, and this isn't gonna get fixed over night. Just avoid the phone, and have patience and let this work itself out.

[heartless]

He says that he hated our relationship and I treated him badly. =(

[Integrity]

Well then let him go, if he is lying, let him lie. This is your chance to get away from his cheating ass.

[Ridik]

Its sad to read this kind of things,i guess that i can only say that let this be a lesson to you like everything else in life,try and go out,yes all by yourself,somewhere you like or better just catch a bus and let it stop whenever it likes.Sometimes going away for a while can help.
Ps:if i was your boyfriend for 4 years i would have asked you to get engage.This was for good,don't worry there 3 billion other boys outthere and not like him.If i were him i would already been married to you.
Pss:you just stop and think for a while:am i losing or did he lose a girl who loved him more then anyone else and thought it was gonna last forever.

[heartless]

Aww, thanks Ridik, that was really sweet and made me smile. =) Thank you for cheering me up. ^.^

[Shady]

I haven't witnessed too many happy marriages. My parents never should have gotten together period, my grandfather, while a loving guy and great father, cheated on my grandmother for years, and a number of my cousins have been cheated on and/or beat.

I never thought I'd find someone. I decided, at 15, that I never wanted to be married and I didn't trust men. At 19, I met someone who I fell in love with and he made me trust him. Shortly afterward, he broke my heart. Repeatedly. There is no trust left at all. He shattered any remaining remnants of my trust the day he cheated on me.

I just found out about it Wednesday night. I was so upset that I crawled into bed with my Mom at 4:00am, bawling. I've been crying every day and I've puked twice. I'm anxious and the anxiety almost never goes away. I can't sleep hardly at all. Falling asleep is nearly impossible until I've become so worn down that I'm about to collapse and even then I have bad dreams and wake up repeatedly. I barely eat, even thinking of food makes me sick. I am afraid I'll throw up so I'm afraid to eat like normal...if I even could.

I seem to get worse when I am alone. I have no friends at home, only friends at college and I'm home for the summer. When no one is online, I get upset. The anxiety starts to climb ever so slowly and I get paranoid. I tried to cut him out of my life but I'm still talking to him. We aren't together and it kills me to think of him moving on. He insists that he still cares about me and is sorry but I feel like our entire relationship was just a joke. Nearly 4 years of lies. I was honest, he wasn't. But I can't bring myself to move on. Being alone makes me so anxious and I can't get myself to focus on anything else. When I leave the house, I feel uncomfortable because I feel like breaking down in tears at any given moment.

I haven't really wanted to take care of myself. I don't feel compelled to try to eat or drink. I'm not all that worried about my health and I have self-destructive thoughts. I don't know how to snap myself out of it...the anxiety is probably the worst part.

Sorry to hear that

[melissa82]

i know exactly how you feel my husband cheated on me with his own cousin it just recently happened, we were together for 9 years and we have a 7 yr old son i felt horrible, depressed, angry, like i wasnt worth much but i guess whats really helping me get through this is prayer, praying to god and asking him to help u get through this will help he is the only one we can always rely on, another is forgiving him as a person, people make mistakes but that doesnt mean you have to take him back you dont have to live with his mistake, and finally staying positive i know its hard but always think about positive things i know its something u have to train your mind to do but u can im sure your a great person you are better than this than all the stuff he has put u through and always remember when one door closes many doors are waiting to be opened and its your choice...