I dont know how much longer I can continue my life.

[Guest]

Well to start off, I'm freakin crying right now. I feel like I just cant go on with life much longer. I feel like Im depressed. I have all the material possesions I could ever wish for and my family isnt the richest, but I have money, most of the time.

I just feel sad all the freakin time. Look at me, I mean damn Im a freakin 16 year old and Im sitting here crying, contemplating freakin suicide. How could this freakin happen to me? I ask God to help me and I pray for a sign he can help me. But nothing. I still feel like a worthless being.

A few weeks ago I met this girl on a social website. She lives in a neighboring town and goes to a neighboring school. Shes not the kind of person I would usually associate myself with. She is more of a gothic type. Usually I would avoid this type of person for being, different. I dont know what made me add her, but I did. When I talk to her I feel amazing, almost as if Im, in love with her. We txt alot and talk on the phone. Now, if someone told me that they thought they were inlove with someone they havent even met in person, I would probably laugh at them.

Am I being punished by my freakin God, for becoming what I once despised? I feel like it. She has a boyfriend. Since I met her she has had two different ones. We decided we are going to hang out sometime soon.

All these thoughts are running through my head. What is the point of life? Why are we humans making all this technology and advancing our cilvilization if one the the universe is going to end? Its like Im starting to see life as playing a game that is one day going to be destroyed, so what is the point of playing it?

Suicide has crossed my mind millions of times, but never have I honestly thought about carrying out action. Until a few weeks ago. Yes me. The person with all the material possesions I could want. My social life has been in decline since the start of highschool. I see myself getting pushed to the bottom of the food chain everyday.

Back to the suicide part. I was sitting on my bed. I had a bullet in the chamber of the freakin gun goddamn it. I cocked the hammer back and put the gun to my freakin head. I had my freakin finger on the trigger, fudge. 1/4th of an inch of finger movement and I would cease to exist. I couldnt freakin do it.

I sometimes get images in my head. Bad images. Of me. Mass murder sprees of people. People I blame. But then, the blame points back at me. And thats when I start focusing less on the destruction of my enemies and more of the destruction of myself.

I feel like if I cant have this girl, then I cant live. This girl that I havent even met goddamn it. Why? This is foolishness. Yet, I dont understand. Am I, crazy? But no, I cant be. Crazy people dont know they are crazy, do they? These thoughts, they just wont freakin leave.

All of this, is how I feel. The truth. But its so crazy. I dont even believe it, as I read over it for spelling errors. Its like looking in a mirror, but I cant believe what I see. I mean fudge, I look at my life from a 3rd person view. And I cant freakin believe it. Me. You wouldnt believe all of this if you knew me in person. All of this stuff, by me.

I keep the gun and one bullet. Only one bullet. So I always have a way out. I dont know what Im going to do. I dont feel as if I can grip the reigns of life much longer.

[Reality]

You have anxiety and depression, or like Xypher on HF a chemically imbalanced brain, you should talk to a doctor/therapist. There's nothing we can really do if you have no problems.

[SleepyTroll]

Do you have skype or something where we could talk man? Make an account on here so we can pm and exchange contact info id like to talk with you

also read this thread : http://www.supportforums.net/showthread.php?tid=15080

[Peter L]

Tbh 'you're just seeking attention. If you have no problems, then what are you bitching about.

There probably is an issue, though. If there is find it out yourself, we can't. Then fix it.

I know I'm being rude but reading all this crap is depressing me. Its the emotional support forum not suicide hotline

[Solidify]

Dear anonymous poster.

Taking your life is selfish. I realize that you sit here and blame yourself for many things you feel you may or may not have done wrong yet you're not willing to correct them but rather worsen the situation? Your situation is far from over. You must have the will to better yourself, if not for yourself, but for your poor family that you speak of. You said you have money however your family has little. If you take your life, you'll affect their lives in ways you can't possibly imagine and I know you don't want to cause them hardship considering the first thing that came to mind when plotting this suicide note is your family.

If you'd be OK with it, I'd be more than willing to speak to you privately. I've dealt with many situations as yours and I've found that speaking to someone about these things can relieve a great deal of pain. If need be, you may PM me or contact me on my Windows Live Messenger account at Solidify@hackforums.net. I hope to hear from you and hang in there.

[FamousMassacre]

How old are both of you guys?

[Confidence]

Trust me, I find myself as well in a situation in which I would like to kill myself for various reasons (mostly cause of my family and social) if I had to tell you one thing, you have so much to live for and doing this will ruin everything you could of had. Don't do it, you'll regret* it.

[Solidify]

Trust me, I find myself as well in a situation in which I would like to kill myself for various reasons (mostly cause of my family and social) if I had to tell you one thing, you have so much to live for and doing this will ruin everything you could of had. Don't do it, you'll regret* it.

Are you a still-currently-suicidal-person telling another user to not take their life?

[The Don Killuminati]

Do not take your life for what makes you seem different, you are not being punished.

Your mind is playing games with you, just fight it.

You don't have to take drastic measures to suicidal thoughts.

[Death Trap™]

What makes you sad? You have money and all the possible things you could ever had compare to other people who have nothing and have to survive day by day with little they can get or afford. All you are doing is making the situation worse. I know this feeling also in high school. You don't know any person and feels like everyone is against you for some reason because your a newbie/freshman. Do you ever know God doesn't really help if you can't even help yourself? God help those who helped themselves. If I stay in my room wishing I don't starve because I am too lazy to do something/get something to eat, nothing will ever happen if you get my point.

You need to stop blaming yourself and take control of the situation. By making yourself feel down, it will degrade your self-esteem and moral. An example would be being sick, you are sick as being as depressed. If you don't do something you will feel worse and things wont get better at all. This gothic-girl gave you a special feeling as though you are "someone" or "somebody" and that is the reason why you want to be with her or you need someone to talk to or share your feelings. You are only hurting yourself. Despite she has a boyfriend, you should be glad she came into your life to help you in some way. Have you ever thought of finding another girl? There was plenty of outgoing girls. Have hope maybe one day she will break up with him cause he treated her badly and you will come in to take care of her.

Suicide is not the way to go. It makes you weak. As you thought about stuff about life, we all know things will come to an end for human life but the key aspect of life is to live it to the fullest and make it worthwhile. Human race will continue to live as we give birth to the new generation and technology will continue to advance. This is called preserve the human existence. We all need to live and experience the good things in life. Sitting here and contemplating on negative feelings is not a way it should go. People who came from the dirt ground who have a miserable life working so hard for little money they can make and with no social life because they can't speak properly. They rise up and made themselves better than they used to be. You should be better than that.

You are still young and have plenty of time. High school is a b*tch. Take it from someone who went through it. Make friends. Have fun. College will be a lot better. You need to change your mindset to think about positive than negative.