My grandmother is ill

[Preeminent]

Man I feel for you, I'd help you but I can't because I'm only 14.

If you need to talk, PM me.

[ThisIsAThrow]

Get off the computer and talk to her more.

[Solidify]

Get off the computer and talk to her more.

I can't stimulate a conversation with her. She's more drawn to the architecture of door frames and wall corners. It's like she's growing up all over again. She has a very short attention span. If I try to talk to her she'll just gaze at me and I'm sure she's not even listening to me just nodding in agreement. And when she speaks to me and I didn't understand what she said for whichever reason and I ask her to repeat, she loses her train of thought.

[Solidify]

Please take the time to look at the video I've just added.

[Frostbite]

First off, I'd do your best to keep your mother away from your grandmother. Your mother can get arrested for abusing her just the same as if your grandmother was a child. What else irks me is how you didn't step in to protect your grandmother, knowing she has no idea what's going on around her, no real grasp on reality anymore. Were you more inclined to protect yourself from your mother's rage? You could have intervened and made your mother realize that what she was doing was WRONG, and to be honest, I would have decked my mother flat out for doing that to my grandmother - stress or not, that's no excuse to abuse someone. Regardless if she was going to explode on you - much healthier less frail person, she was hurting your emotionally traumatized grandmother. Limit the time your mother has, even if that means asking someone else or a good friend to come sit with your grandmother in the basement while you're at your own life obligations. Keep them separated as much as you can, and this will help your mother to not feel like she needs to physically punish someone who can't even help their own actions anymore. Since your grandmother is more childlike, offer her simpler tasks like coloring things or playing with some really sturdy child toys so she avoids breaking things in the house. Make a room in the house where she can do this, there is only one exit and someone can monitor her easily by just walking by or using a baby monitor. Put lots of things in there that will keep her entertained so she doesn't feel the need to mess with other objects in the house, and if her attention slips from one object and she wanders from the room, try to get her attention with something else. I'm not saying keep her prisoner in this room, but it's for keeping her away from your mother who will continue to hit her and yell at her due to stress..
Maybe, take her to a park for a good walk and let her get out of the house herself -with someone with her - rather than it being a punishment like your mother made it out to be. She is NOT an animal. She needs to be loved and taken care of even if she's a pain in your family's ass. In the above posts, you mention talking to her. She's childlike now, remember, so keep the conversation short and simple. Use your hands to keep her attention and even if it seems like she's not listening, she probably is. You have to be extremely patient with her now.

From experience, your grandmother has reverted to protect her mind, and possibly coupled with some memory loss like you've mentioned. She was probably dealing with some memory issues before hand but this situation just made it much worse. You mention you've been to see multiple doctors. Have you explained everything to them and not left anything out? Sometimes, this helps them to get a better grasp on what's going on and often times leads to a better diagnosis. I don't see any signs of PTSD as signs of this are nightmares, flashbacks, panic disorder/anxiety disorder, the list goes on. The only one I could see making this a legit case of PTSD is maybe the forgetting the event but that could also be due to the memory degrading. I'd call a person that specializes in PTSD and talk with them, tell them everything and see what they tell you. Also speak with someone that specializes with memory loss and Alzheimers; she seems to have many symptoms of this. Your problems right now is to get professional help in ruling out what's going on with her, and regular doctors won't cut it in this department. Even take the video in, and show these professionals or recommend that they watch it or even take your grandmother to see them face to face. Your mother gave up, but you don't have to.

You also mentioned having someone come in and talk to her? I suggest trying this again after you rule out what's going on so they can target the areas that need to be targeted rather than poking around in the dark. Her memory comes and goes or she forgets in general and her activities are sheerly based on the fact that she can't remember things about her daily life? This would explain the listlessness. Just remember she doesn't mean to break things, or act this way, her mind is just getting away from her. If anything I feel sorry for her and I wish to do anything in my power to help her, even if I don't know her or your family.

I hope this helps you at all, and if you need anymore help in finding decent numbers of people to call or just to talk about it more, please PM me and I'll help anyway I can. And PLEASE keep her away from your mother. I don't know your mother from Eve, but she seems unable to handle the stress of your grandmother and unless you want your grandmother severely hurt then separate them. I can't stress that enough.

[Solidify]

First off, I'd do your best to keep your mother away from your grandmother. Your mother can get arrested for abusing her just the same as if your grandmother was a child. What else irks me is how you didn't step in to protect your grandmother, knowing she has no idea what's going on around her, no real grasp on reality anymore. Were you more inclined to protect yourself from your mother's rage? You could have intervened and made your mother realize that what she was doing was WRONG, and to be honest, I would have decked my mother flat out for doing that to my grandmother - stress or not, that's no excuse to abuse someone. Regardless if she was going to explode on you - much healthier less frail person, she was hurting your emotionally traumatized grandmother. Limit the time your mother has, even if that means asking someone else or a good friend to come sit with your grandmother in the basement while you're at your own life obligations. Keep them separated as much as you can, and this will help your mother to not feel like she needs to physically punish someone who can't even help their own actions anymore. Since your grandmother is more childlike, offer her simpler tasks like coloring things or playing with some really sturdy child toys so she avoids breaking things in the house. Make a room in the house where she can do this, there is only one exit and someone can monitor her easily by just walking by or using a baby monitor. Put lots of things in there that will keep her entertained so she doesn't feel the need to mess with other objects in the house, and if her attention slips from one object and she wanders from the room, try to get her attention with something else. I'm not saying keep her prisoner in this room, but it's for keeping her away from your mother who will continue to hit her and yell at her due to stress..
Maybe, take her to a park for a good walk and let her get out of the house herself -with someone with her - rather than it being a punishment like your mother made it out to be. She is NOT an animal. She needs to be loved and taken care of even if she's a pain in your family's ass. In the above posts, you mention talking to her. She's childlike now, remember, so keep the conversation short and simple. Use your hands to keep her attention and even if it seems like she's not listening, she probably is. You have to be extremely patient with her now.

From experience, your grandmother has reverted to protect her mind, and possibly coupled with some memory loss like you've mentioned. She was probably dealing with some memory issues before hand but this situation just made it much worse. You mention you've been to see multiple doctors. Have you explained everything to them and not left anything out? Sometimes, this helps them to get a better grasp on what's going on and often times leads to a better diagnosis. I don't see any signs of PTSD as signs of this are nightmares, flashbacks, panic disorder/anxiety disorder, the list goes on. The only one I could see making this a legit case of PTSD is maybe the forgetting the event but that could also be due to the memory degrading. I'd call a person that specializes in PTSD and talk with them, tell them everything and see what they tell you. Also speak with someone that specializes with memory loss and Alzheimers; she seems to have many symptoms of this. Your problems right now is to get professional help in ruling out what's going on with her, and regular doctors won't cut it in this department. Even take the video in, and show these professionals or recommend that they watch it or even take your grandmother to see them face to face. Your mother gave up, but you don't have to.

You also mentioned having someone come in and talk to her? I suggest trying this again after you rule out what's going on so they can target the areas that need to be targeted rather than poking around in the dark. Her memory comes and goes or she forgets in general and her activities are sheerly based on the fact that she can't remember things about her daily life? This would explain the listlessness. Just remember she doesn't mean to break things, or act this way, her mind is just getting away from her. If anything I feel sorry for her and I wish to do anything in my power to help her, even if I don't know her or your family.

I hope this helps you at all, and if you need anymore help in finding decent numbers of people to call or just to talk about it more, please PM me and I'll help anyway I can. And PLEASE keep her away from your mother. I don't know your mother from Eve, but she seems unable to handle the stress of your grandmother and unless you want your grandmother severely hurt then separate them. I can't stress that enough.

I have two sisters and believe me, we've confronted my mother about this quite bluntly. My mother knows its wrong and that we don't enjoy seeing her abuse take place but the fact of the matter is that no matter how much we try to separate my mother and grandmother, they're always spending the most time together. I go to school, work and when I'm not, I stay home with my grandmother. Sure, what we all chip in for my mother is helpful but it's as if it never happened as soon as they're left alone again, my mother just sighs when my grandmother walks into the room. If my mother is on the phone, my grandmother will approach her asking completely irrelevant questions. At that point, my mom sort of shrugs her out of the kitchen and tells her to go watch her shows.

Don't get me wrong, my sisters and I do the best we can, but there's a point that we can't do anymore when we're not home. My mother doesn't work because she has to stay home and take care of my grandmother but she's still collecting pay, thank god.

Your information was great and I appreciate you taking the time to offer all of your resources to help me with my issue given the fact that you don't even know me or my family for that matter.

Let's say I'd try to setup a room where my grandmother can go about with her own business, what would you recommend I put in there, more specifically? I'm almost positive that she'd just walk out and even so, it would only be a temporary fix. I mean, how long could we keep this up? While I know that I might be seeking a permanent fix to a situation that is still indefinite, which is damn near impossible, I'd just like to see my mother not stressed anymore and hopefully have my grandmother regain a certain sense of awareness. Up to this point, I was fairly objective with how I reported anything to SF but after your letter, I feel the need to confess that it feels as though my grandmother's psychological state has worsened due to how my mother treats and neglects her and deprives her of attention.

My mother is not a bad person, she's just lost in translation and doesn't know how to deal with this. My father lives with his girlfriends so she's stuck taking care of all three of us and my grandmother. We all try to help out around the house, doing chores when we get the chance but like I mentioned earlier, it all goes to crap as soon as she's required to spend a day with my grandmother.

I truly believe that the only way this could work for the best for both my mother and grandma is if we find her a care home to reside in. I know my mother and she's not one to give up. That's just the problem. All that endless effort is going to end up somewhere and I just don't want it to hurt anyone.

As for consulting doctors, my grandmother is already taking prescribed medication. After your letter, I decided to look at her dosage in an effort to see if any among you would be able to tell me more about her prognosis from what she's required to take. My mom's on the phone in the kitchen at the moment so I can't but be sure to update you about the medication. Back to the doctorate help, I'm not too familiar how I should go about this. I mean, I really don't know who I should report everything I know to? A psychologist, a therapist, a doctor, etc. A little help would be appreciate in that area as I don't want to spend half an hour to an hour spilling beans about my personal issues to someone who really isn't adequately trained to give me helpful advice. Secondly, another thing holding me back is the fear that if I tell whomever needs to know everything, won't my mother get in trouble for her actions?

For the longest time, I've said to myself: "Well my mother's got this under control since she's bringing her to the doctor once in a while and medicating her, so I shouldn't have to worry." But now I really see that this isn't helping. For some reason, it feels either as if my mom is just caring for my grandmother with no hope of her getting better, almost like she knows there's no silver lining for my grandmother and she's not taking further initiative to seek more help for her. Well, like you said, 'just because she's given up, doesn't mean I need to'. Although, I doubt it's easy for mother to pursue what I'm about to, I don't want to ram it down her throat because I know what she's been through, not that I feel it, but I'm aware of what she's had to take in throughout the recent years. That is why, I'm going to do so myself.

[Frostbite]

Alright, I'm more than happy to assist you with this.

Of course, your mother may or may not get in trouble so it would be to probably edit a bit, if not cut the hitting part out entirely but be sure to inform them of the stress levels going on in your household right now. It'll probably do you, your sisters and your mother to speak to someone about all of this, how it makes you feel and all of that. I recommend getting in touch with someone to help all of you. I'm sure your mother is an upstanding woman, but this type of situation tends to bring out the bad in everyone, and I don't loathe your mother, I just feel sorry for her. Yes, your grandmother needs help but so do you and your family. Stress is a killer, and you all need help coping with this.

Your grandmother needs all the attention she can get right now but least of all the negative. She needs a positive atmosphere to help her through this point in her life, which is why I suggested taking her on walks and just having short and simple conversation with her. I took into account that the negative attention from your mother may have had some worsening effects which was also why I mentioned giving your grandmother a room where they both can have some peace. Maybe you and your sisters could go sit with her and just do things with her other than watching movies or just talking, something she used to enjoy maybe? - This room isn't a permanent situation, but just a solution for your mom getting some alone time during the day-. As for the room, fill it with simple baubles and things that aren't breakable so she can vent frustration if needed, and just have a safe place. I'd recommend a baby gate or something to keep her in, or just have someone sit in with her until you can find a proper place to take care of her, that will take care of her and will be in your families budget. Something I did forget to mention is maybe getting a caretaker for her to come stay with her a few days during the week so your mother can get out of the house and take a break from it all, it help her with her stress levels. I'm not too sure about the expense factor of this sort of thing, but I'm sure you can do some calling around and find out the price range in your area. If you do take this route, get someone very compassionate and caring and won't abuse your grandmother behind closed doors. This happens sometimes, and you have to be very vigilant with whom you select.

As for seeking professional help, start smaller. Maybe get her in to see a specialist and take a copy of the video. I don't know where you live, but grab yourself a phone book or call 411 and start looking around for places in your area that you can take her to. That's all you really can do to start yourself off, other than looking for articles through Google that can better advise you on how to deal with memory loss and her listlessness until you can see that specialist. Her medication may not be the right one for her, and a switch may be necessary. I know that I don't react well to some medications and I have to switch them so that may be a contributing factor here.

Your grandmother asking your mother questions is a way to get attention, because I can only assume, that after her son died, she probably feels very alone though she's surrounded by people. If you're ever home when you see this happen, I suggest going up to her and answering the questions yourself while leading her from the room to watch some of her shows with her. Talk talk talk to her even if you think she isn't listening. Just give her all the attention she needs. It's time consuming, pain staking and stressful, yes, but all the effort will pay off eventually. I hate to say it, but you won't have the same grandmother back, you'll just make her more comfortable with the time she does have left.

I sincerely hope I am able to provide some assistance and please feel free to PM me for further help. I'll be more than happy to oblige. I even have an MSN and an AIM if you'd like to talk there so we can talk on an easier level, quicker replies and all that.

I'll provide you with some links to get you started here in the post.
Finding a Specialist
This article also has other links you can follow that the top of the page that will provide you with even more information.

[Solidify]

Alright, I'm more than happy to assist you with this.

Of course, your mother may or may not get in trouble so it would be to probably edit a bit, if not cut the hitting part out entirely but be sure to inform them of the stress levels going on in your household right now. It'll probably do you, your sisters and your mother to speak to someone about all of this, how it makes you feel and all of that. I recommend getting in touch with someone to help all of you. I'm sure your mother is an upstanding woman, but this type of situation tends to bring out the bad in everyone, and I don't loathe your mother, I just feel sorry for her. Yes, your grandmother needs help but so do you and your family. Stress is a killer, and you all need help coping with this.

Your grandmother needs all the attention she can get right now but least of all the negative. She needs a positive atmosphere to help her through this point in her life, which is why I suggested taking her on walks and just having short and simple conversation with her. I took into account that the negative attention from your mother may have had some worsening effects which was also why I mentioned giving your grandmother a room where they both can have some peace. Maybe you and your sisters could go sit with her and just do things with her other than watching movies or just talking, something she used to enjoy maybe? - This room isn't a permanent situation, but just a solution for your mom getting some alone time during the day-. As for the room, fill it with simple baubles and things that aren't breakable so she can vent frustration if needed, and just have a safe place. I'd recommend a baby gate or something to keep her in, or just have someone sit in with her until you can find a proper place to take care of her, that will take care of her and will be in your families budget. Something I did forget to mention is maybe getting a caretaker for her to come stay with her a few days during the week so your mother can get out of the house and take a break from it all, it help her with her stress levels. I'm not too sure about the expense factor of this sort of thing, but I'm sure you can do some calling around and find out the price range in your area. If you do take this route, get someone very compassionate and caring and won't abuse your grandmother behind closed doors. This happens sometimes, and you have to be very vigilant with whom you select.

As for seeking professional help, start smaller. Maybe get her in to see a specialist and take a copy of the video. I don't know where you live, but grab yourself a phone book or call 411 and start looking around for places in your area that you can take her to. That's all you really can do to start yourself off, other than looking for articles through Google that can better advise you on how to deal with memory loss and her listlessness until you can see that specialist. Her medication may not be the right one for her, and a switch may be necessary. I know that I don't react well to some medications and I have to switch them so that may be a contributing factor here.

Your grandmother asking your mother questions is a way to get attention, because I can only assume, that after her son died, she probably feels very alone though she's surrounded by people. If you're ever home when you see this happen, I suggest going up to her and answering the questions yourself while leading her from the room to watch some of her shows with her. Talk talk talk to her even if you think she isn't listening. Just give her all the attention she needs. It's time consuming, pain staking and stressful, yes, but all the effort will pay off eventually. I hate to say it, but you won't have the same grandmother back, you'll just make her more comfortable with the time she does have left.

I sincerely hope I am able to provide some assistance and please feel free to PM me for further help. I'll be more than happy to oblige. I even have an MSN and an AIM if you'd like to talk there so we can talk on an easier level, quicker replies and all that.

I'll provide you with some links to get you started here in the post.
Finding a Specialist
This article also has other links you can follow that the top of the page that will provide you with even more information.

The link was helpful. I think that I will print out your suggestions and have my mother read everything you've told me thus far. We've all explained her that what she's doing is wrong and by god, she knows, but when she asks us what she needs to do, we sincerely don't know what to tell her anymore.

Apart from that, I'll look into starting out small.

Rather that just explain her what you said, would you mind if I had her take a look at your responses? She'll get a better understanding of what needs to be done.

[Frostbite]

I have no issue with that at all! I hope it helps. Have her read them as many times as she needs. Good luck, and God bless you all. <3

[Solidify]

I have no issue with that at all! I hope it helps. Have her read them as many times as she needs. Good luck, and God bless you all. <3

OK, thanks. I've printed them out and I'll see if she has time to look through them. I'll be sure to report back soon enough. I appreciate all you've contributed thus far.