12-06-2014, 08:20 AM
Hi, first post and I tend to ramble but I'll try to make it to the point as possible 
I graduated from university a year and a half ago now, first year I stayed in a house with 3 other uni friends and it was all great, and we pretty much went our separate ways due to career work, all fine, all good, all dandy. I moved to a city just a few months ago with one of those friends from my old house and to find a good priced place, I brought my brother along as well.
Here's the rambling part:
Now me and my brother were pretty much best of friends growing up (I'm 23 now and he's 4 years older) but he very much has that 'older brother syndrome' which essentially means Im seen as the inferior one, which to an extent, is true. Im more introverted than he is, physically smaller etc etc (pretty much your archetypal younger brother) but for many years now my brother has been dealing with depression and has been getting fired from numerous jobs he's done (the last 2 were actually due to bad bosses, from what I was told, rather than any bad performance). He was pretty much the tearaway in school as well, argued with parents loads to a ferocious degree while I was very much stuck in the middle of it but I've 90% of the time, taken his side and always tried to help him. In the last few years, also especially in the last few months we've been living together, that 'thick as thieves' relationship we used to have has degraded considerably. Living with him has been difficult, we've had the odd time where we've had a good laugh but too often for my liking I've had to deal with him being very aggressive, constant arguing and being snapped at, any advice or support I try to give him when he goes into one of these 'dark moods' he has is just instantly rebuffed. I've tried so long to help him out but now I'm so jaded by it all, it sounds harsh but I'm reaching a point where I'm just not bothered, I just want to be able to worry about myself.
Now for the 'to the point' section:
My tenancy for my apartment ends at the end of january 2015 and my friend is going to be moving out to move in with his girlfriend in a different city (not the best choice he's made imo, but THAT is definitely another story for another time) and now I'm at the point where I can find a 2 bedroom place for me and my brother, or I can decide to go solo, find a place for myself or I have to find a house share with new people I've never met. If you hadn't guessed I'm leaning towards the going solo option. I'm very much a loner, or perhaps, I just really like my own space but I go and do classes and workshops for my job (first profession is an actor, just finishing a theatre tour in a couple of weeks so I'll have enough money to go to these classes so I can meet people and network etc etc). Honestly I'm terrified of telling my brother this, I don't if it will be met with aggression or not or I don't know how he will take it (I don't know if he'll take it as some sort of betrayal). I thought bringing my brother along to live with would be good as I could be there to support him but it's just been such a negative experience the entire time. Whenever I've gone for a few days to meet up with friends I've been so relaxed and happy, even when I've been doing this theatre tour, though it is hard, stressful work, I've been enjoying it. I've only had myself to worry about and I feel very contented with my life. But I came back to my apartment this weekend and BAM, all the negative feelings is back and we've already just been arguing. I've shut myself away in my room today and he's said ''whats the point in you coming back?'' A good question really, why did I come back?
I know I'll have to pluck up the courage at some point to say I don't want to live with him, but I have no idea how to go about it. I just want to part on amicable terms, just like with my friend who's going off to live with his girlfriend.
I graduated from university a year and a half ago now, first year I stayed in a house with 3 other uni friends and it was all great, and we pretty much went our separate ways due to career work, all fine, all good, all dandy. I moved to a city just a few months ago with one of those friends from my old house and to find a good priced place, I brought my brother along as well.
Here's the rambling part:
Now me and my brother were pretty much best of friends growing up (I'm 23 now and he's 4 years older) but he very much has that 'older brother syndrome' which essentially means Im seen as the inferior one, which to an extent, is true. Im more introverted than he is, physically smaller etc etc (pretty much your archetypal younger brother) but for many years now my brother has been dealing with depression and has been getting fired from numerous jobs he's done (the last 2 were actually due to bad bosses, from what I was told, rather than any bad performance). He was pretty much the tearaway in school as well, argued with parents loads to a ferocious degree while I was very much stuck in the middle of it but I've 90% of the time, taken his side and always tried to help him. In the last few years, also especially in the last few months we've been living together, that 'thick as thieves' relationship we used to have has degraded considerably. Living with him has been difficult, we've had the odd time where we've had a good laugh but too often for my liking I've had to deal with him being very aggressive, constant arguing and being snapped at, any advice or support I try to give him when he goes into one of these 'dark moods' he has is just instantly rebuffed. I've tried so long to help him out but now I'm so jaded by it all, it sounds harsh but I'm reaching a point where I'm just not bothered, I just want to be able to worry about myself.
Now for the 'to the point' section:
My tenancy for my apartment ends at the end of january 2015 and my friend is going to be moving out to move in with his girlfriend in a different city (not the best choice he's made imo, but THAT is definitely another story for another time) and now I'm at the point where I can find a 2 bedroom place for me and my brother, or I can decide to go solo, find a place for myself or I have to find a house share with new people I've never met. If you hadn't guessed I'm leaning towards the going solo option. I'm very much a loner, or perhaps, I just really like my own space but I go and do classes and workshops for my job (first profession is an actor, just finishing a theatre tour in a couple of weeks so I'll have enough money to go to these classes so I can meet people and network etc etc). Honestly I'm terrified of telling my brother this, I don't if it will be met with aggression or not or I don't know how he will take it (I don't know if he'll take it as some sort of betrayal). I thought bringing my brother along to live with would be good as I could be there to support him but it's just been such a negative experience the entire time. Whenever I've gone for a few days to meet up with friends I've been so relaxed and happy, even when I've been doing this theatre tour, though it is hard, stressful work, I've been enjoying it. I've only had myself to worry about and I feel very contented with my life. But I came back to my apartment this weekend and BAM, all the negative feelings is back and we've already just been arguing. I've shut myself away in my room today and he's said ''whats the point in you coming back?'' A good question really, why did I come back?
I know I'll have to pluck up the courage at some point to say I don't want to live with him, but I have no idea how to go about it. I just want to part on amicable terms, just like with my friend who's going off to live with his girlfriend.