Down and depressed

[gtsmith10]

Hello,
I'm a first time user here. I am not sure what I expect by posting this but maybe just typing it out could help me find some perspective...maybe some of you have some good advice. Thank you in advance for reading. Sorry if this gets too long and I understand if you choose not to read it due to the length.

I've got a few bad things going on in my life right now. I know I'm not the only person to be going through bad times but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and can't seem to get past this.

To start, I lost my dad to cancer just before Thanksgiving. It was a shock. He learned and told me that he had been diagnosed with cancer towards the end of October and died just 2 weeks later from his cancer. He saw an oncologist once and had no chance to fight it. My dad and I haven't been close (either geographically or emotionally) since he divorced my mother around 30 or so years ago but he was a good man. We finally started to reconnect in recent years but the physical distance was great. He lived in MN while I live in TX. Now that I'm over the initial shock of his death, I am starting to feel guilt/regret that I didn't do more to be closer to him (closer on a relationship level). It is really eating at me even though I am well aware that any relationship is a 2-way street.

Second, and this part is really hurting me right now. I have been seeing a wonderful, beautiful woman for the past 4 years. She has become the love of my life and I have every hope and desire to spend the rest of my life with her. She had a rough divorce from her first husband and that fact has left her somewhat afraid of going through anything similar. She is feeling overwhelmed at the moment and wants some time and space away. She assures me that she does love me and can see us together and I believe her but I can't help but feeling very sad by the prospect of time apart. I don't know, maybe it's affecting me more than it might normally because I'm also dealing with the loss of my dad. Whatever it is, I am losing a lot of sleep over this. It's after 6am and I'm done trying to sleep because I have to be at work in a couple hours. I've managed to get about 90 minutes total sleep in the last couple days. It can't be healthy.

Then, there's the fact that the company I've worked with for 13 years is going through an acquisition, with our largest competitor buying our company. The company buying us has a history of buying like companies and laying off most, if not all of the employees. I don't know how much this part is really bothering me. I am nervous about the prospect of a job search in this very slowly recovering economy but I've thought a lot about making a career change in recent years. I think this is just adding to my overflowing stress bank and I'm pretty certain a serious depression has set in.

If any reader is concerned, I am not, nor have I ever been suicidal. I am just feeling sad, stressed, worried, maybe a little mad and definitely overwhelmed with everything. I have an 8 year old son who lives with me 50% of the time and while I sucked it all up over Christmas and gave him a good Christmas, it does feel like it's getting harder and harder by the day to not show him how upset I am (another thing not to worry about is that I do not take my feelings out on him...I am his number 1 fan. He is the best part of my world and seeing him upset breaks my heart).

If anyone can relate to any part of this and help me with some advice that might put me closer to getting past this depression, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.

[Diabolic]

Sadly, I can't really relate to anything your saying but I can give you some advice on how to tackle the depression you seem to be going through, I'm more than sure that you're having mixed emotions right now. Losing your father, your partner being away, having to deal with everything can be a tough struggle. Time is a healer, as they say. That's the only real advice I can give you, since I'm not a therapist (not yet anyway) and I can't really give you the full guidance you may need. I did read all of your thread and it was a little touching, you're right that everyone goes through a struggle now and then, because it's apart of life.

Make sure you're still eating, you really need to get some sleep also. Try visiting a doctor and ask if you can get some sleeping medication to help you sleep better at night, because the less sleep you have, the more things will play on your mind, making it even harder to be happy or to sleep.

Keep us updated on how things go, keep your head up.

[gtsmith10]

Diabolic,
Thank you for the reply. I know you're right that time heals wounds. I think I've been suffering from depression for a long time and things like what I've gone through lately just exacerbate it. I find myself dwelling, not just on the loss of my father, the potential loss of my girlfriend or the possibility of losing my job, but I will also dwell on negative things that are completely unrelated to the current situation. Sometimes I'll catch myself imagining worst case scenarios, such as my girlfriend having an affair with my best friend...I realize how silly and pointless...and harmful thoughts like that are...not to mention I completely trust my girlfriend...and my best friend as well. Thoughts like that may come to mind at the worst possible times like during a meeting at work. No matter how silly and unrealistic the thought may be, it becomes an enormous distraction.

On a positive note, I've met with a therapist and felt comfortable enough with her to schedule a regular appointment. Hopefully with some guidance, i can get past not only the griefof the loss but even more importantly the depression

Thank you again for the reply.

[NunezJ]

First off, try not to give up on your physical health. Good sleep and nutrition won't solve your problems but neglecting these aspects can make the things worse and you don't want any additional stress factors.
Secondly, I can only relate to your GF situation and the fact that she's trying to keep a distance is a dangerous sign. That's pretty normal for 4 year relationship though, but I would recommend you to try not to reveal your depression in full when she's around. Women don't like to see men's weakness. Your meetings with therapist is a great decision I think.
I see that you are having a hard time now, but it can't rain every day!