04-28-2011, 01:52 PM
Quest for the Perfect Report Card
As a brave knight quests for the holy grail, as pale and wide-eyed kids quest for online victory, I too embarked on a perilous journey. My objective was to defeat the dreaded board examinations and emerge superior in the eyes of the examiner.
Reality, on the other hand, is not so fantastic.
When I said "defeat the dreaded board exams", I meant "study, eat and sleep till the exams pass by". Which is what I tried to attempt by abstaining from friends, facebook and fascism (Trying to alliterate desperately) till after exams. But as one door of distraction closes, many more start opening.
In the weeks leading up to the exams, I found myself engrossed in the most mundane and bizarre phenomenon, like, Pencil Sharpening, Wall Staring and of course, Table Tapping. Ultimately, this lead to my downfall.
My first obstacle was the infamous Chemistry exam. My palms and knees vibrated like Steve Job's iPhone on Silent mode... Okay, not really, but it sounds nifty. I managed to drift past the terrors of unsaturated compounds by utilizing my inate skill at faking carbon chains. That, and a little help from "studying out of fear".
My second exam, needs no mention at all. So lets leave my epic account of how I slayed the English test out of this.
But my third barrier was a tricky one. Physics required all my reserves of pure awesome as I literally bent the laws of Space and Time. My pen derived equations of such complexity, that any ordinary simpleton who even glances at them, would be torn apart between the fabrics of the universe.
My fourth mountain was a steep and perilous precipice of um... peril named Biology. I did study for it, but it was all lost to me once the paper was revealed. I managed to create five new species, three different forms of enzymes and fifteen sexual characteristics of cockroaches. Many of which were crossed out to maintain a "PG-13" rating for my paper.
My last exam was Maths. And it proceeded as planned: "Stay away from Trignometry and pray to God that the examiner had a good lunch before correction."
So my tale of misfortune may stop here, but the end is still ahead.
-------------------------------
My Report Card
Chemistry C-
English A+
Physics Z
Biology B
Maths B-
------------------------------
Remarks
"I've never seen Carbon bend like that."
- Chemistry teacher
"I bow in fealty to thy awesomosity, O' Awesome One!"
- English teacher
"Um...yes... Let us all try to derive gravity from... The mass gradient of Awesomosity..."
- Physics teacher
"Uranus diefructose is NOT a fruit."
- Biology teacher
"Does counting up to three really require the use of advanced logarithms and calculus?"
- Maths teacher
----------------------------------------------------
Author's Note:
The above was a fictionous account of a report card. You will not, at any time, actually be getting a "Z".
As a brave knight quests for the holy grail, as pale and wide-eyed kids quest for online victory, I too embarked on a perilous journey. My objective was to defeat the dreaded board examinations and emerge superior in the eyes of the examiner.
Reality, on the other hand, is not so fantastic.
When I said "defeat the dreaded board exams", I meant "study, eat and sleep till the exams pass by". Which is what I tried to attempt by abstaining from friends, facebook and fascism (Trying to alliterate desperately) till after exams. But as one door of distraction closes, many more start opening.
In the weeks leading up to the exams, I found myself engrossed in the most mundane and bizarre phenomenon, like, Pencil Sharpening, Wall Staring and of course, Table Tapping. Ultimately, this lead to my downfall.
My first obstacle was the infamous Chemistry exam. My palms and knees vibrated like Steve Job's iPhone on Silent mode... Okay, not really, but it sounds nifty. I managed to drift past the terrors of unsaturated compounds by utilizing my inate skill at faking carbon chains. That, and a little help from "studying out of fear".
My second exam, needs no mention at all. So lets leave my epic account of how I slayed the English test out of this.
But my third barrier was a tricky one. Physics required all my reserves of pure awesome as I literally bent the laws of Space and Time. My pen derived equations of such complexity, that any ordinary simpleton who even glances at them, would be torn apart between the fabrics of the universe.
My fourth mountain was a steep and perilous precipice of um... peril named Biology. I did study for it, but it was all lost to me once the paper was revealed. I managed to create five new species, three different forms of enzymes and fifteen sexual characteristics of cockroaches. Many of which were crossed out to maintain a "PG-13" rating for my paper.
My last exam was Maths. And it proceeded as planned: "Stay away from Trignometry and pray to God that the examiner had a good lunch before correction."
So my tale of misfortune may stop here, but the end is still ahead.
-------------------------------
My Report Card
Chemistry C-
English A+
Physics Z
Biology B
Maths B-
------------------------------
Remarks
"I've never seen Carbon bend like that."
- Chemistry teacher
"I bow in fealty to thy awesomosity, O' Awesome One!"
- English teacher
"Um...yes... Let us all try to derive gravity from... The mass gradient of Awesomosity..."
- Physics teacher
"Uranus diefructose is NOT a fruit."
- Biology teacher
"Does counting up to three really require the use of advanced logarithms and calculus?"
- Maths teacher
----------------------------------------------------
Author's Note:
The above was a fictionous account of a report card. You will not, at any time, actually be getting a "Z".
![[Image: 506243.png]](http://www.userbars.com/i/506243.png)
Glad you like it lol