About time...

[Daniel Faraday]

Well... Let me just divide this into sections...

Themes of my life.
Me vs. Me
When I was very young I became an atheist because I couldn't deal with the idea of a God, a being so great that he could create something so perfect, and also because of the idea of the eternal afterlife. I was afraid of death, not because I was afraid to leave this world behind, but because I feared being judged and living forever after that judgement.

With my lack of faith came a new sense of purpose. I wanted to be something and to be known and loved by the people that knew me. I was social and caring, and I just wanted the best for me and the people that I loved. Nothing stopped me from giving (except not having some things) and if I could live without it I would share.

I became a teenager (big surprise?) and also converted back to Christianity. I also started smoking weed... and this time instead of growing more social and positive I grew less social. I never felt like I belonged anywhere and started to only talk to the people that I knew the best. Just my best friends, my closest family (Mostly siblings), and me. I didn't care about being liked and I didn't care about doing well... or anything for that matter. I only cared that I was happy no matter what. I was never mad, never sad, never sorry for what I did...

Now... I don't smoke weed (For a while now) and I'm still a Christian. I follow the teachings of the church (Catholic) as closely as I can, but for some reason I'm starting to think very differently. I'm angry a lot, sad a lot, lonely a lot, and regretful of my past and sometimes present actions. I feel remorse for my sins and trangressions and I truly worry about how my future will turn out. Will I be homeless? empty and lonely? working just to survive? I don't know and it kills me inside. I was a dick to the only person that truly loved me... (My dad.) and nice to a fudged up drunk who doesn't care about anything. (My mom.) My life is slowly turning to crap and I'm starting to feel like crap all of the time.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I'm feeling... (what most people call) normal and I hate it...

Me vs. My Dad
Well... I used to hate my dad with a passion... he was always a dick and he seemed like he didn't care about much. I thought that he only cared about me if I did good and I never really understood why he disliked me... Now that I'm growing older and starting to understand new things I've figured out that he really cares and that he understands a parent isn't supposed to be your friend. A parent is a parent so when you grow older he/she can truly call you a friend.


Me vs. My Mom
I used to love my mom so much that I didn't think it was possible to love her more. She was nice, caring, giving, and she sacrificed for us. Well, that's what I thought at least. In truth my mom is a smoker and a drunk freakin whore. She's cheated on almost every man she's ever been with and a few months/years after marrying someone and having kids with them she's cheated on them. She's currently going on and off with her boss (He's old as crap.) and it sickens me. I thought she cared but it seems like she's nothing but a hypocrite and a selfproclaimed follower. (She claims to worship God.)

---

@The Pic...
I know I'm ignoring my own advice by posting this thread, but I have to let this out or I'll snap.

Will is me.
Emelie is my half-sister. Her dad is Bill.
Frankie/Francisco is my dad and he's like a dad to my sister.
Christine is our (Emelie's and mine) mom.

I usually take my Mom's side but she's starting to annoy me.
My dad isn't really the nicest parent. He's not abusive but he's not one of those "I want to be your best friend." Kind of parents. He's the kind of parent that doesn't care if you like him or not, he just cares if you're healthy and that you're actually getting somewhere in life.

Spoiler (Click to View)

I've always took my mom's side because I loved her but not I'm not so sure I should have. I feel like I wronged my dad and that I should have done more for him.

The other thing I draw from my life is the betrayel of myself. I destroyed my own life for reasons that I can't even tell you or my own brain, because I don't know why I threw everything away. How sad is that? Most people ruin there lives for girls, sex, gambling, drugs... but I threw my life away for nothing, and that fact is slowly driving me to insanity and despair...

[Legit Kid ™]

Wow that took guts to come out like that, i can relate to you in the me vs me part i used to be the same way, but now im im just living my life working and hanging out on the weekends being social and having a good time, also can you please explain the spoiler? I didnt get it.

[Daniel Faraday]

Oh, forgot about that.

Will is me.
Emelie is my half-sister. Her dad is Bill.
Frankie/Francisco is my dad and he's like a dad to my sister.
Christine is our (Emelie's and mine) mom.

I usually take my Mom's side but she's starting to annoy me.
My dad isn't really the nicest parent. He's not abusive but he's not one of those "I want to be your best friend." Kind of parents. He's the kind of parent that doesn't care if you like him or not, he just cares if you're healthy and that you're actually getting somewhere in life.