Not sure what I'm going to get out of this

[Aiden]

So, as the title states, I'm not sure what I'm going to get out of posting this thread, its probably more just me wanting to vent more than anything. So read it, ignore it, whatever. 

I'm a 23 year old male, I just finished school for an in-demand trade. I workout everyday, go for runs, yoga, kickboxing. I found a well paying job with a good pension plan, benefits, living allowance etc. I have close friends and family whom all care about me and support me more than I could ask for. Life should be great; but its not. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and although things are finally going my way, I couldn't care less. Last year I tried to take my own life, and got pretty damned close. After that, I was in a pretty bad state of mind, but I thought I overcame the thought of it and would never try it again. However, as of late, the only thoughts going through my mind are that of depression. I can't shake these thoughts and I've come to the realization that I could win the lottery and be the richest man on earth, and I would still be miserable. I'm a grown ass man, and these thoughts will never go away. Its not a matter of if anymore, its a matter of when. Although I do have a future, I don't want one. I know I'm selfish for thinking this, but I just don't care anymore. I'm done putting in effort. I'm strongly considering committing suicide. I don't need anyone to try to talk me out of this, or tell me things will get better, because they won't. I've been there, done that. It should be my choice. 

As I said before, I don't expect to get anything out of posting this. I don't want any pity. I just needed to vent and get some crap off my chest and I felt like a judgement free zone on a sister-forum of a site I've grown up with would be the best place for that. 

Cheers.

[Mimi]

So, as the title states, I'm not sure what I'm going to get out of posting this thread, its probably more just me wanting to vent more than anything. So read it, ignore it, whatever. 

I'm a 23 year old male, I just finished school for an in-demand trade. I workout everyday, go for runs, yoga, kickboxing. I found a well paying job with a good pension plan, benefits, living allowance etc. I have close friends and family whom all care about me and support me more than I could ask for. Life should be great; but its not. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and although things are finally going my way, I couldn't care less. Last year I tried to take my own life, and got pretty damned close. After that, I was in a pretty bad state of mind, but I thought I overcame the thought of it and would never try it again. However, as of late, the only thoughts going through my mind are that of depression. I can't shake these thoughts and I've come to the realization that I could win the lottery and be the richest man on earth, and I would still be miserable. I'm a grown ass man, and these thoughts will never go away. Its not a matter of if anymore, its a matter of when. Although I do have a future, I don't want one. I know I'm selfish for thinking this, but I just don't care anymore. I'm done putting in effort. I'm strongly considering committing suicide. I don't need anyone to try to talk me out of this, or tell me things will get better, because they won't. I've been there, done that. It should be my choice. 

As I said before, I don't expect to get anything out of posting this. I don't want any pity. I just needed to vent and get some crap off my chest and I felt like a judgement free zone on a sister-forum of a site I've grown up with would be the best place for that. 

Cheers.

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through a hard time at the moment. If you'd like to get emotional support from volunteer trained active listeners you can check out 7 Cups here http://www.7cups.com/12647476 I hope you get the support you need and deserve.