The Investment Child

[truckgirl5512]

Good evening, from the girl who looks like she has the most perfect life... But doesn't. Here's my story. I hope someone can help.

I come from a very well off family, I am blessed that I have been able to grow up with everything I wanted as a child. My parents have bought me things that I am incredibly thankful for. However... Those things have a price... Every shirt, cute little necklace, even sock has a price with my family. Anything they put in, they want back out from me...I am the investment child.

I have always done very well in school, I made honour roll in highschool and got into every university I applied to. I graduated with my Bachelor of Arts Psychology (With Honours) this year. I aspire to attend law school but recent events in my life have made me think otherwise.

I will skip the fine details and jump right to the problem presently at hand. I am moving 34hrs west, with my boyfriend (who my father dislikes) to work at a diesel truck shop making a lot of money. My father is furious because i am not doing things the way he wants me to which is (law school, buy a law firm and be well off in 5 years). He has threatened to kick me out, take legal action on random bills I now have to pay back because I'm moving out, etc.

He hasn't talked to me in the past month, he ignores me, does not include me in family events and he even gave my bed room up this weekend because we have company and I am not allowed home, so I need to sleep in my truck (which luckily I bought myself so he cannot control that) or at my boyfriends house is there is room with his family.

I am not sure what to do or how to handle this. He claims I have an attitude so I don't say anything anymore (I have been sitting in my room for the past 4 hours alone). I am scared to talk to him civilly because he scares me, and makes me feel worthless.

I don't feel like I have a direct family (aside my boyfriend) and it upsets me a lot. My family doesn't love me I don't think, they just like the idea that I will be able to offer them financial support when they are retired.

What do I do? How do I handle this? Do I move away and see what happens when I am gone? Do I just say F it and move away and prove him wrong that I don't need his support?

Thank you all, I am doing my best to be happy and excited for my future out west but it is hard when my own family does not support me.

[AndreR]

When a person enters a family not of their own, understandably the family dynamics and stability can be shaken. Your father’s hopes, dreams and wishes for you may not now come to pass as you may start to begin to separate from your parents view on life to your own.

This may be such a frightening thought for your father, fearing the unknown future I expect he would feel more settled to know by following his advice at least the future offers the possibility of becoming secure for you.
The contrast of his hopes for you in life and your own decision to work at a diesel truck shop seems too much to accept. That could result in the desperate behaviours you explain he does as well as possibly disliking your boyfriend.
Possibly seeing your boyfriend as the cause of shattering his hopes for you.

Consider that you could be arriving at a time in life where you are feeling an awareness to become yourself, experiencing life apart from all that you knew when growing up, relationships may tend to cause the biggest shift.
Maybe to try to consider a parent is possibly having to deal with the reality their child is growing into a person that they could no longer connect with, the reality of loss to adulthood as well as awareness of growing older themselves.
Your changing, growing, and exploring what feels right for you, parents changing and learning to let go, allowing their child to make mistakes, but to let you know they are always there for you.

This may take time, but the time it takes will depends on each person and the time to drop the defences.
Together, talking openly, deeply, truthfully from the heart, allowing vulnerabilities to show through may help to reduce the time that bitterness and resentment takes to heal and let go of.
Express how you both feel, the more deeply open you both are the more closer you may become. Often more pain is released without being known.

What did touch me in your post was one thing you mentioned, ‘sitting alone for 4 hours’. Both parent and adult child deeply in pain in their own way, yet both knows not what can heal in order to regain the love and embrace they both long for.
In my opinion there needs to be barriers broken, to accept change is guaranteed and that without acceptance change can be difficult to accept. Talk and communicate openly, its a start, and hopefully to a relationship redefined to who you both are today.

I hope this has helped in some way for you, I wish you both the strength and courage to find a way back with a new wisdom to see and accept who you both are today.

As you explore life, it is yours to discover and enjoy to the fullest, although there are temporary difficulties at the moment, consider the thought of your parents love for you and although at a distance, may always remain with you, and that through the barriers maybe consider that one day there is always a place to turn to if ever in need.

Take care
Andre