04-04-2013, 04:53 PM
My life is horrible. I just wanted to tell you my life to get some support because of how twisted my life is.
I have many problems in my life but I'll tell you the main ones.
1.
My parents constantly neglected my two older sisters and elder brother and humiliated us constantly telling us we were worthless leading me and my sister (youngest sister) to have emotional breakdowns. My eldest sister used to have depression because of it but she stopped having it after she became an adult and started to go to university and getting a girlfriend and living a happy life. She still tries to support us and act as a substitute mother but it isn't helping much and I can't really forgive her either as she abused me too somewhat too. (She's still in university.) My sister has emotional breakdowns and is currently in depression and needs constantly validation and feels the need to 'prove' herself to my parents through constant revising (up to 1-4 in the morning constantly,) to become like me. (My parents only really cared about our grades and as I was by my parent's words a 'genius'.) I got over their neglect and abuse (when I cried or didn't do something they liked they hit me with anything from metal poles to shoes and/or kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night and threatened to kill me). I got through by well preoccupying myself with the internet and finding friends and well. Posing as something I wasn't was. (Don't get me wrong. I had friends in school but I felt I couldn't express myself.) They constantly neglected me as they have NEVER EVER brought my anything as a gift except food. (Our family is actually quite well off in terms of income.) They deprived me of clothes and I was left wearing shirts that I could barely fit in a I couldn't go out in fear that I would be judged. (It's true. People are incredibly judgemental in my area and are racist towards people they don't know.) I still haven't completely gotten over it but they have stopped somewhat as I'm now a teenager and I can now fight back.
2.
My eldest brother (who was by my mother's word a disappointment and failure,) had no friends because my parent's upbringing alienated him from other people in secondary school and was bullied and got horrible grades and got addicted to the internet and games frequently abused and punched me constantly and showed me lesbian pornography and animated pornography when I was very young (6). My parents and my siblings didn't care about his abuse and when I told my eldest sister about him showing pornography she just said "He's just a retard just ignore him" and didn't do anything. My elder brother's abuse got so dangerous that he damaged my ribs and I have pains in my chest. He eventually stopped after I almost killed him and I now don't talk to me at all despite him living in the house. (I haven't spoken to him in a proper conversation in about 3ish years.)
3.
My sister was also abused by my mother and father and has frequent emotional breakdowns and is in depression. She constantly feels to need to redeem herself as if it's 'her' who's done something wrong. I also suspect she hates me as she thinks that I have everything she doesn't.
4.
My parents and siblings haven't supported me despite my phobias of death, heights and forgetting things. They constantly call me retarded and humiliate my even more and think that I just want attention or it's a joke. These phobias are serious. My phobia of death has gotten to the point where I hesitate to even do things like holding very sharp knifes as I'm scared that I'll kill myself and I'm horrified of the idea of dying and being a lifeless corpse that can never think again. I'm also afraid of zombies and I can't view a fake zombie at all without a deep fear. If I see my parents holding a knife I think that they'll kill me. And I'm really afraid that my siblings will too.
So I need help to deal with all three of these problems? I know it's mean but is there anyway I can get help or preferably revenge? I want to help my sister as I'm pretty sure she might be close to suicide.
I have many problems in my life but I'll tell you the main ones.
1.
My parents constantly neglected my two older sisters and elder brother and humiliated us constantly telling us we were worthless leading me and my sister (youngest sister) to have emotional breakdowns. My eldest sister used to have depression because of it but she stopped having it after she became an adult and started to go to university and getting a girlfriend and living a happy life. She still tries to support us and act as a substitute mother but it isn't helping much and I can't really forgive her either as she abused me too somewhat too. (She's still in university.) My sister has emotional breakdowns and is currently in depression and needs constantly validation and feels the need to 'prove' herself to my parents through constant revising (up to 1-4 in the morning constantly,) to become like me. (My parents only really cared about our grades and as I was by my parent's words a 'genius'.) I got over their neglect and abuse (when I cried or didn't do something they liked they hit me with anything from metal poles to shoes and/or kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night and threatened to kill me). I got through by well preoccupying myself with the internet and finding friends and well. Posing as something I wasn't was. (Don't get me wrong. I had friends in school but I felt I couldn't express myself.) They constantly neglected me as they have NEVER EVER brought my anything as a gift except food. (Our family is actually quite well off in terms of income.) They deprived me of clothes and I was left wearing shirts that I could barely fit in a I couldn't go out in fear that I would be judged. (It's true. People are incredibly judgemental in my area and are racist towards people they don't know.) I still haven't completely gotten over it but they have stopped somewhat as I'm now a teenager and I can now fight back.
2.
My eldest brother (who was by my mother's word a disappointment and failure,) had no friends because my parent's upbringing alienated him from other people in secondary school and was bullied and got horrible grades and got addicted to the internet and games frequently abused and punched me constantly and showed me lesbian pornography and animated pornography when I was very young (6). My parents and my siblings didn't care about his abuse and when I told my eldest sister about him showing pornography she just said "He's just a retard just ignore him" and didn't do anything. My elder brother's abuse got so dangerous that he damaged my ribs and I have pains in my chest. He eventually stopped after I almost killed him and I now don't talk to me at all despite him living in the house. (I haven't spoken to him in a proper conversation in about 3ish years.)
3.
My sister was also abused by my mother and father and has frequent emotional breakdowns and is in depression. She constantly feels to need to redeem herself as if it's 'her' who's done something wrong. I also suspect she hates me as she thinks that I have everything she doesn't.
4.
My parents and siblings haven't supported me despite my phobias of death, heights and forgetting things. They constantly call me retarded and humiliate my even more and think that I just want attention or it's a joke. These phobias are serious. My phobia of death has gotten to the point where I hesitate to even do things like holding very sharp knifes as I'm scared that I'll kill myself and I'm horrified of the idea of dying and being a lifeless corpse that can never think again. I'm also afraid of zombies and I can't view a fake zombie at all without a deep fear. If I see my parents holding a knife I think that they'll kill me. And I'm really afraid that my siblings will too.
So I need help to deal with all three of these problems? I know it's mean but is there anyway I can get help or preferably revenge? I want to help my sister as I'm pretty sure she might be close to suicide.