fear and shitty life- feel i need to get away, get a job

[chrysanthemum0108]

Hello y'all...
i would like to write some about my situation because i feel pretty crap about it and have no idea what to do- or what's really going on.

I'm jobless since years and i despise myself because of it. Yet every day i think, what sort of work would i want to/have to do and then i don't know. At night i lay pondering about it and all the ideas i come up with, have disappeared by morning. Then another empty, useless day lies ahead.
I am alone and have no one to talk to, have no friends either. Inside it all seems empty- in my head, in my body- i can't think clear- only confused thoughts which change all the time- and i also have no feelings- but a constant pain somewhere down in the abdomen.
My memory isn't working properly and neither is my concentration .
I have forgotten who i am since a long time, too.

I don't understand what this is and i don't really know what to do about it. I feel estranged from myself and from the rest of the world, as if i am less than the lowest, a nothing.
I do know, that i have some things to solve, namely a debit of a few thousand . Also i need to move house, because i live in a neighbourhood where i'm being picked on badly.

So far i earn a lttle bit to the side doing household work, and i feel really bad about that days in advance every time, as if i'm a little kid which is sent to a horrible school or something..
I feel so small and weak and i lock myself up in my house, where i feel uncomfortable and unwanted. Then i get so despressed i can't see the point of living anymore.
Sometimes i think this feeling of helplessness and nonexistence stems from fear.
I would like to get away from this place, far away..

I know i need to break the cycle . I must go out make some money and although i don't know if it's the best idea, i would like to have a job working on the land , or with animals, or in nature. I would like to make new friends, too.

Perhaps someone knows of a place where i can find work.
I think that would help a lot!!

This i have learnt: we can't do without any friends or support!

Thanks, love to all.

[BearBeClawin]

Keep your chin up man, Things get better for everyone.

[chrysanthemum0108]

Thanks, BearBeClawing, i appreciate your reply.

[Calcium]

Try and get a job if you can, go out and make sure you're at your best. Get a haircut, do your hair, make sure you're looking as best as possible and be sociable!

[wounded]

Seriously you sound as if you are depressed, and I know I am not a doctor but your post reeks of not coping. Being out of work sucks big time but money is not everything. You don't sound like you are in the right frame of mind to walk into job the way you are feeling. Jobs are tough and most of the time people won't give a damn about you in them.
Why don't you try going out for walks, how do you mean you are being picked on? Why don't you try and do a course online like Web development which is very now and employable? You need to try and take small steps and make changes day by day.
Have you spoken to your parents or a doctor? You sound very depressed, seriously.

[Paramore]

DO NOT! Put yourself down. You're human just like everyone else, I know you can get through this but just do what you love! Do not pressure yourself but please do perhaps compliment yourself. What are you good at? There must be something! Perhaps you're handsome? Witty? Intelligent? No? Good with computers? There must be at-least ONE thing you're good at. Compliment yourself, give yourself a huge pat on the back. Now ask yourself 'What do I enjoy doing'? Do what you enjoy doing! Perhaps you could make money from it somehow? Follow your dreams no matter how much of a long-shot it is. Money and a job can't get you happiness but doing what you enjoy doing can! And perhaps you can get money to come with it? Good-luck mate! I'm here for you if you EVER need someone to talk to just PM.