10-06-2011, 05:36 AM
I don't know whats going on with me, sometimes i'm very happy, but at the same time i'm doubting the happiness because i'm only happy with people around, i'm almost never happy when i'm alone. Basically putting a front.. I try to find things to do, but where i live there's nothing to do that's new. I'm in school Very bad grades and afraid i'm not going to graduate. I am 17 and a junior with barley 20 credits. I never had the motivation to do school work. It's always been so meaningless. I try but its never enough for people around me, I have a Girlfriend for 1 year now and we're on the verge of breaking up, I fudged up bad, really really bad.. I try to make her happy though. But doesn't seem to work.. I really really love her. I have no one that can understand, i'm on probation(Until April of next year), I try everyday to do things but no motivation whatsoever. Right now its 5:30AM on a school day, why am I staying up so late? I don't understand either because I'm not tired whatsoever. But on to the topic, I sometimes get suicidal thoughts of me dying, If i'm in a car, i will get in a crash, the things that i wish that it will happen. Idk why. I can't find myself to figure it out. Should i goto the doctors? If I do what do i ask? Pills? Help please..
-Thanks
-Thanks