at an impasse

[Dudewrath]

Hey guys.

I am 18 currently and, well, I have a problem. Though I probably shouldn't just dump my entire life story here, I still feel like I need to get this off my chest, and maybe get some help.

For as long as I can remember now, I have felt, in a word, stuck. Albeit, I have made some progression in life and matured a great deal, I feel that has leveled off for about a year now.

Everyone around me is experiencing some level of tangible, real success. College, jobs, relationships, things are falling into place with them. I wish I could be happy for them, and it pains me so to feel this way, but now all I regard them with is a kind of envy.

I did a poor to middling job in school, be it bad organization, or just a sense of helplessness when faced with my problems (IQ of 120 and all my worksheets came back with more wrong-markings than white space, haha), and my folks aren't exactly the richest of folks. Combine that and my apparent inability to get a job, and I really don't see how college is happening any time soon.

In a nutshell, I'm trapped in a house with parents who guilt me about going to hang out with friends to the point where I'm avoiding social outings. I'd ask for money to get a license, and they seem willing, but my dad went so far as to get pissed for the fifty bucks needed for the ACT, so it still pains me to confront them about things. If I'm to embark on a college education, it would be basically a gamble with thousands of dollars in money not belonging to me.

My folks have poked a hole in every job that would have worked perfectly for me, and yet they INSIST I'm not trying to find a job.

My friends are really the only up-side to what I'm going through lately, and when they leave for college, I really don't know what I'm going to do. My parents are about as emotionally supportive as a drill sergeant on roid rage unless I'm having an apparent panic attack (seriously, my f---ing childhood), if they so much as see that I'm trying to do this on the internet, they'll likely flip a s--t about "SHARING TOO MUCH", and they pretty much shoot down my desires for friendship ("what do you want a butt buddy or something?") They've shot down, or at least vehemently protested every college I wanted to go to. Granted, they've tried to help me, but d----t, I can't deal with their constantly being pissed and communicating NOTHING to me. I've barely spoken to them about my problems for years now.

I mean, s--t, for years there have been episodes where I've been so sad it physically hurts. I'm so stressed I feel like doing something drastic. There are people I know who are addicted to psychotropics and still getting along better than me.

I mean, what can I even do anymore? I feel out of options. As dramatic as that sounds, I just can't find a way to advance in life anymore. I'm stuck.

I mean, I want talent.

I want some way for my life to get MOVING without my parents' money or help. I want to get out of this house, and away from them already. I skipped out on the 'rebellious teen phase', only to be just as strapped down as I was when I was in junior high.

I want a job, a career, something to LOOK FORWARD TO. I mean, I feel like my life's hit a dead end. My friends are literally keeping me going at this point (heaven forbid I should tell them that, though)

So I dunno, if you guys had some advice, or just a shoulder for me to have my selfpity weeps on, I'd appreciate it.

[Metapod]

Heh, this sounds exactly like my situation. I solved it by moving out, my mom (single mom adopted me and 2 other children) kept saying she was helping me, kept promising me she would, but she also guilt tripped me, complained all the time, promised me the world yada yada, at 18, I left and I'm almost 21 now, and yes I am struggling, but it is worth it, I've done more with my life then my mom cares about, she doesn't know half the crap I am capable of or even my goals. Move out is my best advice, I'm currently homeless for the most part, but I still have a better chance at life then living with that leech.

Edit: My girlfriend wants me to put in here that I stay with her when I am able to, and I am also saying for her that I love you Cat <3

Edit 2: Don't pay more attention to your laptop then you do your girlfriend or this happens...

[chrysanthemum0108]

To Dudewrath.
Jeez mate, you're only 18, you still got your whole life ahead of you including decades of a potentially brilliant future. (..i sound like an old hag now.. never thought i'd say these old people-things...) but being a few years older than you, i remember the despair i felt when i was 18 and the smothering grip my parents had on me. Difference with you is, i didn't give a hoot about my future and see? 2 1/2 decades later, a potentially brilliant person has turned in not much more than a poor sod with no education.. still don't feel enough responsibility for my own future... You are a lot more mature than i was then and props for your feeling of responsibility for your own life.
Beware of the peer pressure and the pressure society tries to bring on to you! Perhaps you just need a little more time than the average? Nothing wrong with that, is there? It's i.m.o. only sensible to first create a stable fundament for your plans and then proceed.
In fact you're giving part of your own answers already: if i were you, i'd get out of my parents' house indeed. Where do you want to go? You seem smart enough to figure out a sensible and concrete option.
And what career do you want? Do you know that already? Something you like and you're good at is preferable of course. When you know what you want, which way you want to go, it's easier to take the steps you need to make for getting things rolling. How are you going to make money? Perhaps you wish to decide to first make money for a year or so and then enroll in a study program? Creating a clear plan is important. Then take steps. Pack your bags and go. Remember you can do it your way, which doesn't have to be the exact same way others do it...even if you start a few years later, your career can still speed up like a rocket and it might be that you'll get ahead of some who seem to be doing well now..and bless you for having good friends. We'll be hearing from you, mate. Take care.

[chrysanthemum0108]

In fact, in the last few hours i still thought of you on and off. Almost want to say sorry for obviously i didn't read your post well enough. i can come up with top-of-the-head advice which can help, but you clearly say that you're so stressed out you can't think of certain solutions yourself right now.
Parents who are on you can give you so much stress..and in deep stress you can't think at your best..i'm sure that you DO have talents and probably quite a few of them, too. Could it be that you've been stepped on your soul so often that your selfesteem seems to have gone down?
I still feel, get out of the situation when you feel your parents suck your energy, and go live somewhere else. Is there no one from your school (teacher or principal or so) who you can talk to about your career ambitions?
I made some wrong choices in my life (for big part also because i didn't know better) but i also made some good choices. Perhaps it helps you in any way if i tell you what i did after highschool. My parents were very hard on me too and not supportive at all. Right after school, i went to university to study psychology and after six months i quit because i felt homesick, and didn't like university life at all, and went back to stay with my parents( none of us liked that. It was bad, stressful, i felt terrible. ). Then i felt bad because all my mates were studying and i wasn't. I didn't know what to do. Then i decided to go and talk to the highschool counsellor. I told him i wanted to do something but didn't know what and that i felt useless this way. The counsellor came up with something: he knew of a big castle annex hotel, in the mountains, 700 miles away, where pre-students from many countries came to gain working and other experience. I applied immediately and ten days later i was there. Because of the many applications i could only get a six-months' contract but it was worth it. It turned out to be one of the best times of my life. Although i was 700 miles from home, i wasn't homesick at all. I was proud of myself to be working and earning my own money, so far away, and did not feel inferior to my mates at university. In fact my mates came to visit me there and in some way it may have been them envying me!
It was 'just' hotel-work we, as staff, did there, but mingling with all these other international pre-students was interesting, it was a beautiful environment too, it was very good for my languages, and a lot of fun. As it was all young folks with high IQ working there, i felt i fit in. I felt more in place than i had done at university.
When i returned home, i had working experience, improved my languages, made new friends, and many good memories. Leaving home had been good, and by having a busy job in this positively exciting environment i had apparently been able to transform some dark feelings of stress, worthlessness etc., into more positive things. Plus i had learned a bit more about what i was naturally good at and what activities made me feel good. Surprisingly enough there were other things in life than just studying (as i hadn't done much more than that during my highschool years) which made me feel somewhat worthy and which were more fun.
So well..the moral of this story is- i don't know- that's for you, but i do hope there's something written in it somewhere which may give you something.
If you wish, you can PM me , too, for a shoulder or a listening ear.