Just Something

[Daniel Faraday]

It's been a while SF.

“One Last Thought”
This moment is what a writer would dream of,
The orange glow of the sun,
The cool Arizona breeze sweeping over their soul,
And the sweet melody of a soft arrangement.

My revolver flicks from my side,
Arms raised, eyes unblinking,
A shot rings through my soul,
Rebounding off what is left.

I rethink that moment,
Claret life pouring from my body,
Pulsating agony as my foe sees that I am done,
Faith is all that remains.

I am defined,
Not by my hopes or dreams,
Nor my actions or life,
But in my death.

My being in a box,
Waiting unflinchingly,
For what lies beyond?

I shall see.
~The End~

[AceInfinity]

It doesn't look like it was planned out very well or anything, so i'm guessing you tried a free verse here? Creative thought and insight though.

[Daniel Faraday]

It was thought out very well.
I could explain it if you like?

The reader is introduced to the setting: Arizona, Fall/Late Summer, Sunset

The reader is introduced to the central figure: Ideally seen as an outlaw/gunfighter in the later 1800's. (He is using a revolver. (A popular weapon during the time.))

The reader is introduced to a question: The "thought" is something that the reader must think about. Is it a thought of this moment? Something before that caused this? What is he thinking of.

He is obviously (If you couldn't tell by the "claret life") shot/wounded.

A new thought enters the man's mind: A thought that portrays the point of the poem. Man is not defined until his death, because as some would say, death is not the end but a point where your past actions are compiled into your new persona.

The last four lines show that the man is dead. Passed on to face something more than he ever would have been able to in life. He is able to face death knowing that he did what he could and what he couldn't, he was ok with.

[AceInfinity]

It was thought out very well.
I could explain it if you like?

The reader is introduced to the setting: Arizona, Fall/Late Summer, Sunset

The reader is introduced to the central figure: Ideally seen as an outlaw/gunfighter in the later 1800's. (He is using a revolver. (A popular weapon during the time.))

The reader is introduced to a question: The "thought" is something that the reader must think about. Is it a thought of this moment? Something before that caused this? What is he thinking of.

He is obviously (If you couldn't tell by the "claret life") shot/wounded.

A new thought enters the man's mind: A thought that portrays the point of the poem. Man is not defined until his death, because as some would say, death is not the end but a point where your past actions are compiled into your new persona.

The last four lines show that the man is dead. Passed on to face something more than he ever would have been able to in life. He is able to face death knowing that he did what he could and what he couldn't, he was ok with.

I think it's the last 5 lines that show that he is dead lol. The idea is good though, but it's written in too much of an "obvious" way from my perspective, which could have gone into even more depth.

It's like the idea of show don't tell, instead of just plainly saying he is dead, you could express it in a different way, to give it an added effect when you make that twist at the end.

[Daniel Faraday]

I think it's the last 5 lines that show that he is dead lol. The idea is good though, but it's written in too much of an "obvious" way from my perspective, which could have gone into even more depth.

It's like the idea of show don't tell, instead of just plainly saying he is dead, you could express it in a different way, to give it an added effect when you make that twist at the end.

No, the word death does not mean that he is dead.
It's portraying his realization. The thought that "Man is not defined until his death."

I never said that he was dead. (In the poem.)
I said that he will be defined in his death.

Hence the name, "One Last Thought".

[AceInfinity]

No, the word death does not mean that he is dead.
It's portraying his realization. The thought that "Man is not defined until his death."

I never said that he was dead. (In the poem.)
I said that he will be defined in his death.

Hence the name, "One Last Thought".

Makes sense now, I'm sorry if I sound out of it, i've been trying to take the time to read it, but it's late for my timezone lol.

I get that concept though, After death, the timeline stops I suppose and you can define somewhat what the purpose of a person's life could be by then. It's usually a big cliche used in movies as well

[Daniel Faraday]

Makes sense now, I'm sorry if I sound out of it, i've been trying to take the time to read it, but it's late for my timezone lol.

I get that concept though, After death, the timeline stops I suppose and you can define somewhat what the purpose of a person's life could be by then. It's usually a big cliche used in movies as well

I don't think it could really lose it's meaning, (Meaning it wouldn't be cliche.) because it's truth. We try to imagine that our success is based on our bank accounts, personal gains, sex lives, etc., and that when we build that stuff up we can enjoy our popularity.

Also....
In truth it is when we die that our lives are really put into perspective, and I feel a lot of people don't understand that.

People bitch about MJs comeback after death, think that Shakespeare was a god (In life.), that Columbus was hailed as a hero, etc.