Not the same anymore

[ugh]

Hey, i just registered here, just wanted to see if anyone can help. I've been really depressed for a while and don't feel like myself anymore. I've had a ton of problems in the last six months. It's my first year of college and things aren't going so well, I started out strong, lost motivation, and then in the past month or so I'm realizing how much I really enjoy it there. I'm currently on academic probation due to my grades in high school, and right now i'm on the edge of not being able to come back to my school. I have four exams in the next week and i'm going insane trying to do the best i can.
I have a girlfriend, we will have been going out for a year in about two weeks. We love each other lots and are quite close. She's VERY high maintenance. We have been arguing a over the past few months, way more than usual. I have tons and tons of stress, I work in fast food, and it's been driving me insane. I know it sounds dumb but it's true. To attempt to resolve this problem I decided to cut back my hours bit to give myself a break and hopefully get things under control again.

Perhaps my biggest problem is that i'm not happy. at all. Like, not in the least. I have times throughout my day where i laugh, but i'm not happy. I don't even remember what it's like to be happy. As I sit here and type this to whoever is going to read this, I don't even feel like i'm me. I feel like I don't know me, and that i'm not really inside myself (if that makes any sense). I don't know what to do. I'm not going to kill myself, but i'm depressed, and I realize this, and I want to fix things. I do things that are fun for me, but they don't make me happy. Drugs and alcohol aren't a solution for me, they don't even do anything temporarily. I'm not on anythign like that, no medications. I just want to be happy. My diet isn't that great, and my sleep patterns are funky, but i'm trying to get both inline. I don't feel good about myself, my self-esteem sucks right now. I don't feel like i'm good at anything.

I don't know what else to type to be honest. I don't even know what kind of advice you guys can give, I just am looking for some sort of suggestions i guess.


Sincerely, me.

[Dogbert]

I can really relate to your situation.. I'm not currently going through it but a few years ago I was feeling the same way.

I was feeling depressed and worthless, on top of that my girlfriend and I were arguing more than ever which would just add to the stress and pressure. I am no expert but what I'd say had the biggest influence on me was positive thinking.. Seriously. I use to worry about every little thing and always get pissed off for no reason, now I realize it's not worth it and doesn't help anything.

After years of telling myself to stop being so miserable and stop bitching, I am now actually happy.. And it's weird, my life is falling together quite well. I'm still with my girlfriend from then, we've got a son and a daughter and it's like my life has a purpose.. That probably helps a lot too. (I am not telling you to knock your girl up, lol, DON'T DO THAT!)

tl;dr
Positive thinking = Power.

Hope this helps, I'm a little tired at the moment and I'm not sure I was able to get my thought across clearly but hopefully you'll get it.

[ugh]

I appreciate your input, i've been trying, it just seems like when things start shaping up, i keep getting knocked down. I was involved in two bad accidents, and the second one has really, REALLY stuck with me. It's hard to let it not get in my head, some times it comes up maybe two or three times throughout my day. I really don't want to see someone to talk about it with them because i feel that it wont solve anything, and without a positive attitude going into that i don't see much prevail. I'm just trying to be happy, i've read into depersonalization disorder and it really suits me well at this point, but i would like to think that i'm just depressed.

[FamousMassacre]

One technique I recommend you try for a bit is looking down to people as your inferior.

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It works for hikikomoris.