Make a joke thread.

[DAMINK™]

Here is my theory. Most people need a laugh now and again right?
So lets make a thread related to making us laugh.
I will start shall i?

Q) What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos?

Spoiler (Click to View)

A) Scenic route.

[Sam]

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot, "What about this one Madam?" "A beautiful bird, I’m sure you’ll agree, and it’s an absolute steal at only £20."

"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant," it use to live in a brothel and as a result it’s language is a touch fruity!".

"Oh, I don’t mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I’m broad minded and it’ll be a laugh having a profane parrot."

So she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman, "Fcuk me, a new brothel and a new madam!",

"I’m not a Madam and this isn’t a brothel" says the woman indignantly. A little later the woman’s two teenage daughters arrive home.

"A new brothel, a new madam, and now new whores," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we’re not prostitutes," complained the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman’s husband comes home and the parrot says........

"Well Fcuk me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old clients. How ya doin" Dave ?"

---

This guy is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, Its not a ship.

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, Its not a boat.

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, Its not a raft.

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?

Ten years! he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, Man, oh man! Is that good!

Then she asked, How long has it been since you have had a drink of whiskey? He replies, Ten years! She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, Wow, that is fantastic!

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, And how long has it been since you have had some REAL fun?

And the man replies, My God! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!

---

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.

The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin and I’m driving a freakin gritter!"

[Samurai]

Q: want to hear a good joke
A: DAMINK™

Joking that was harsh.

Q. How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
A. By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

Q.How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?
A.Very satisfying.

[Sam]

Q. What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales?
A. The Leisure Center

[mmki]

Knock Knock
Oh.. who is there?
Ben and Anna
Ben and Anna who...?
Ben and anna split

Gawd im priceless

[DAMINK™]

Q: want to hear a good joke
A: DAMINK™

Adds Goblin to his list!

A drunk biker walks out of a bar with his bike key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my bikee", the biker replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your motorcycle the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the biker replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's penis hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the biker, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the biker looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone, too!!