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+---- Thread: Poem (/showthread.php?tid=4248)
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Poem - bloodrain2011 - 01-08-2010
Loving you
My heart beats a little bit faster
When you lips brush against mine
And when I look into your eyes
I think that we stop time
My breath seems to quicken
When your bodies pressed against me
And when I feel your breath on my neck
I feel like it's almost to good to be
My mind seems to slow
No matter what we do
Cause time and problems melt away
And all I see is you
Original work by
Bloodrain2011
So what do you guys think about this? Give it to me hard...Bash me hard if you must XD
RE: Poem - Skawke - 01-08-2010
IT SUCKSSSSSS.
J/k, It's really good xD, better than anything I could have done.
RE: Poem - bloodrain2011 - 01-08-2010
Ty...Made it pretty quickly...This is what I do. I actually wrote it for my gf just testing it out on you guys to see if I should show her or not.
RE: Poem - DAMINK™ - 01-09-2010
Girls like anything personal. This is personal thus you will get the cherry. Or kiss behind bike shed depending on age.
All in all i like it. Not bad.
RE: Poem - Canoris - 01-09-2010
(01-08-2010, 09:37 PM)bloodrain2011 Wrote: Loving youCopyright eh? Well, I like the intensity and the physical moments/emotions before letting go. Good descriptive words.... not all poetry has to have a rhyme scheme, but yours' is off. Overall a good poem though!
My heart beats a little bit faster
When you lips brush against mine
And when I look into your eyes
I think that we stop time
My breath seems to quicken
When your bodies pressed against me
And when I feel your breath on my neck
I feel like it's almost to good to be
My mind seems to slow
No matter what we do
Cause time and problems melt away
And all I see is you
Original work by
Bloodrain2011
So what do you guys think about this? Give it to me hard...Bash me hard if you must XD
RE: Poem - bloodrain2011 - 01-09-2010
(01-09-2010, 12:58 AM)DAMINK™ Wrote: Girls like anything personal. This is personal thus you will get the cherry. Or kiss behind bike shed depending on age.
All in all i like it. Not bad.
I'm 17 so probably the cherry XD, thanks guys I appreciate the feedback
RE: Poem - jorgea - 03-16-2012
You may want to work on this a little and correct grammar problems.
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RE: Poem - Tactical_Turtle - 03-17-2012
It is actually really good.
Keep it up.
RE: Poem - bigdomepiece - 03-17-2012
Wow. That was actually pretty good. I especially love the layout of it. Good job and keep it up!
RE: Poem - Candyshop - 03-17-2012
Nice poem! I think she will definitely like it! I think she would like anything you do for her that is personal