+- Support Forums (https://www.supportforums.net)
+-- Forum: Categories (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=87)
+--- Forum: Life Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=12)
+---- Forum: Emotional Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=50)
+---- Thread: Heavy emotions (/showthread.php?tid=30335)
Heavy emotions - noparkingtuesday - 02-19-2017
Hello, I'm writing this in hopes that it will bring me some relief. I'm in my late twenties, have friends and family that I love. I'm coming out of a very low point in my life, which has lasted 3-4 years. This last year was especially bad. I was truck driver, and quit my job to come home because I missed everyone, and wanted to try and make it in life doing something else. I moved in with my mom when I came back in hopes of getting on my feet, and getting my own place. To make a long story short, things didn't work out... I couldn't find a job that made enough money. I fell into a very desolate kind of depression; the kind that just layer over, and get more, and more complicated. I started drinking... a lot. My relationships went to crap. It was ugly for me, and everyone I loved. My girlfriend broke up with me. And things got worse for a while. This all happened in a little less than a year.
Finally, I started to get my self together. I stopped drinking, for the most part. I got a good job, making more than enough. I'm well on my way to getting my life back together, but can't shake these residual feelings I have for my ex... The break up wasn't bad... just sad. We are still friends. I am mostly over her; about 70/30%. It's at the point where I don't want her back, but the thought of her dating someone else kills me inside. It turns my stomach into a sour pit. And I'm pretty sure she is seeing someone. I really don't even want to think about it, but I find myself obsessively thinking about it, and it makes me feel awful every time. The only thing I want to do is talk to her about how I feel, in hopes that it will bring me some closure. She used to be a huge part of my support structure, and I feel like she might be the only person that can make this easier for me. But I don't want to because I hate looking weak, and I don't want to bother her with my bull-@#@! I was so relieved that I was actually feeling okay with life, and feeling okay with myself, But this whole thing is dragging me down. I'm heavy into my vices right now. Smoking too much, spending too much money on things I don't need. Not over-drinking, thankfully, but just feeling really down.
I appreciate real feedback. I need to know if what I'm feeling is reasonable, or warranted. Or if you have any wisdom to chuck at me...
-Thanks.