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+---- Thread: Getting over a breakup and letting people walk over me (/showthread.php?tid=29350)
Getting over a breakup and letting people walk over me - Claire1738 - 09-16-2015
[color=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Hi. I'm 16 and I'm dealing with a heartbreak. I met this boy who was perfect in my eyes 9 months ago. I knew within two days he was what I wanted. I spent 6 months waiting for him to say something and tell he felt the same. We got close and eventually became bestfriends. We both helped each other with some really tough emotional things, and started to connect on a deep level. He was giving me mixed signals throughout the school year, and I just about went insane trying to figure out what he was thinking. When the year ended I was so upset because I never gained the courage to say something to him about how I felt. I decided one night that I wasn't going to wait around for him anymore. I told myself over and over, it's not going to happen, move on. Literally that night he texted me and said he wanted to be with me and was tired of hiding it. I was the happiest girl on the planet. Our relationship lasted three months. He had really bad insomnia, so every time he was having a bad night, he would write me sweet, long, and adorable paragraphs telling me how beautiful I was and that he was the luckiest guy on the planet to have me as his girlfriend. I got into the habit of staying up with him on those tough nights. We had a really amazing emotional connection, but I felt we fell flat physically. Even though we were extremely attracted to each other, we didn't have that healthy of a physical relationship. I used to get really frustrated when we would spend hours alone and get lucky if he kissed me once. I understood that he was a shy guy, and very respectful and always trying to make sure I was comfortable, but it kinda made me feel lonely at times. I think a lot of where this came from was because we were suck great friends before we started dating it put a lot of pressure on the relationship and he was scared to rush it. His lack of physical affection confused me greatly because he would always tell me how much he wanted to kiss me if when we were apart and he wasn't a virgin. But here's where the real problem starts; I never spoke up about it. I dreamed about how if I could push myself to do so, it would fix everything. But I didn't, and he started getting weird. He would blow me off a lot and ignore my texts for days. I would wait for him to respond, and the same thing would happen every time. he would text me saying he's the worst boyfriend ever and is so sorry for neglecting me and not putting enough effort in. Me being me, a people pleaser who can't stand up for herself, I would reply with something along the lines of this, "what are you talking about? You are the best boyfriend ever!!! It's okay if you don't text me back all the time! I'll live I promise, don't worry about me. You do you! You make me so happy!" When in reality I was hurt and feeling extremely neglected. I liked him so much that I gave myself stress, anxiety, and heartache because I was scared he would see me as clingy. [/color]
[color=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]About half way through our relationship I started having some family problems and I wasn't allowed to see anyone for awhile and he was extremely understanding. that continued till about a month before our junior year started. He would constantly be telling me that he missed me and can't wait to see me. When I was finally allowed to see people again, I tried several times to make plans with him but he would say something like school starts soon, I'll see you then. It really felt like he was avoiding me, but I think some of that came from fear of his catholic parents that weren't excited about him dating because his older sister had gotten pregnant her sophomore year. Once again i didn't tell him that. Two days into school he broke up with me because he wasn't "feeling what he was supposed to and was sick of leading me on". This upset me so much because I couldn't understand how he was expecting to feel something magical when he was putting zero effort in. I knew something was missing from our relationship but I was so committed to resolving it and I was hurt when I found out he was giving up without even trying. He told me we shouldn't pretend each other don't exist, but I asked him to give me time. I told him I wanted to try to revive our friendship but I needed to think awhile. He then switched out of every class together. I know it's just highschool, but I'm hurting a lot. I'm trying to forget and move on but its hard when you know so much about someone you find ways to be reminded everywhere, like something as simple as a Mountain Dew can upsets me because I know it's his favorite. Everyone is telling me I'm out of his league but I feel like if I was he wouldn't have let me go so easily. We haven't even made eye contact since and I see him a lot. This is killing me, I miss him as a person, and I'm trying not to miss him as a boyfriend. Most of what I felt during the relationship was stress, but I know I would get back together with him in a heart beat because I keep giving myself false hope that I can fix it, and that he would want to get back together to start with. I'm driving myself crazy and I'm losing weight from all of the stress. The worst part is that I can't blame him for the relationship failing because he only treated me like that because I made him think it was okay. He wasn't trying to hurt me and had no clue it was. He didn't do anything wrong. This is all on me, and my habits of letting people walk all over me out of fear of losing them. [/color]