(02-19-2015, 07:05 AM)artgirl2015 Wrote: Hello and Good Morning,

I am an artist. I love all types of art. But lately I have been very frightened of my dreams. I wish I weren't. Sometimes I am extremely motivated and sometimes I ball up into a fetal position and cry like today. But today I can't cry. All of my tears of anger and rage and fear are rattling behind my chest and I don't know how to release without having a panic attack trying to force myself to engage in artistic expression to get it out. I am lacking a firm support system. One I can call on and not feel like I'm inconveniencing them by saying how I feel. Because sometimes the buggy man comes back and my biggest fears are realities again. They are not just nightmares but days are dark too. Just as dark as the pain of being blinded by the sun. It scares me so much that everyone will one day see all of me. That I won't be able to turn off the loneliness of this journey to an independent art career. Do I have to be lonely. I am afraid to be alone sometimes but yet I'm scared that will be my fate and I will never be able to really connect with people.

I beat myself up so much for everything and now I feel like I've been boxing so long that I'm on the floor of a boxing ring, staring at the ceiling asking myself do I really want this.

I need help if anyone has some words that could help me. I know I was rambling and thats not even the half but idk maybe this could help.

Thank you.