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+---- Thread: I want to become An Hero. (/showthread.php?tid=25530)
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I want to become An Hero. - Pumbaa - 03-08-2012
Hey SF, this is my first post here, since I wasn't getting taken seriously at HF.
I'll introduce myself: I'm a 17 years old autistic kid from Belgium. I'm sitting on my computer all day long, I don't make that much social contacts (I don't walk up to people and make friends, it takes a long time.) I got bullied when I was 12, and I landed in this big vicious circle. I was depressed all the time and I was suicidal. It all went better until a few months ago. The girl I like, is my best friend, and she basically friendzoned me. I really love her, but she doesn't really want to fudge up our friendship. I have been feeling like crap lately. I don't know how people can call this "life". It's all one big torture for me. I'll have to go work in a year, to be able to buy enough food so I can survive, and if I have a bit of luck I can get promoted in like 10-15 years. Everybody is being such a capitalistic pig. It makes me freakin insane. I seriously am considering to buy a gun, walk up into my school, and shoot all of those cunts. I really hate myself. Every time I look into the mirror I just want to punch it as hard as I can, and see the blood flow. I can't stand most humans. I really have a hatred for humanity. We only kill, and build. I look like a walking corpse. Since I had that depression, I can't show any emotions at all. I don't have any empathy left. I know suicide is the easy way out, but it's just better for me to leave this freakin place. I hate this. All of it. Is there any good way to commit suicide, and be sure that you won't make it ? I don't want to go and see another freakin shrink. I had to go to this mental hospital for 7 months to treat my depression. It all went swell, until a few months ago. I really want to die. I have a caring family and all, and it will be painful for them, but it's just the best for me and everybody around me. I only make people cry. My dad can't stand it that I won't be "normal". I don't want to hurt them anymore. I'm not seeking for any attention. I'm no attention whore. I'd like to die so everybody can live in peace.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Winter™ - 03-08-2012
Don't think because your autistic you can't do anything. Prove everybody wrong, prove to your father you are better than him. Live everyday like you on top of everybody, just do that. Don't fall in love with a person, but with an education. Be better than the rest.
I've been in your shoes, I've tried suicide, nobody wants to die, not even in the face of death. You will grow up and become better, remember that. Prove everyone..wrong
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Amazing - 03-08-2012
Suicide isn't the answer Pumbaa and it never will be.
You said you have a caring family and that's all you need. Forget what anyone else thinks about you, their opinions shouldn't matter.
You can do whatever you want in life no matter what disabilities or obstacles get in your way, you just have to be mentally tough.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Pumbaa - 03-09-2012
I can't take this crap anymore. I don't care about other people's opinions, but my dad never tells me how proud he is with me. I don't get accepted into society at all. I have no reason to exist, at all.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Pumbaa - 03-09-2012
Life's been swell now I want to die
My body it hurts me sigh after sign
I call it torture you call it life
A slave to money and everything I despise
Like everyone in general
Just about the only thing you freakin enjoy
fudge eat sleep destroy
i am a disposable being
Who will fudge all life
I multiply and the air gets thinner and dirty
I take up space
I smell
I consume
But I produce nothing
I abuse
I have no reason to exist
The toilets clogged in this world o crap
I breathe filth everyday
Living fucks up my brian
Why? Why must I wake up today?
My eys are heavy
Why? Why must I see your face?
Your life is ugly
Why? Why did I buy into these things?
I don't want them
Tension. Tension
Frustraton. Alone
Tension. Despair. Tension
All these pressures on my life
This exactly describes how I feel.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Amazing - 03-09-2012
(03-09-2012, 10:00 AM)Pumbaa Wrote: I can't take this crap anymore. I don't care about other people's opinions, but my dad never tells me how proud he is with me. I don't get accepted into society at all. I have no reason to exist, at all.
Have you talked with your parents and told them how you truly feel?
I'm sure your dad is proud of you he probably just doesn't know you need that reassurance.
A lot of parents, including my own, won't talk about stuff like that with you unless you're the one to start the conversation.
Don't be afraid to talk to your parents, they're there for you.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Pumbaa - 03-10-2012
(03-09-2012, 08:58 PM)Amazing Wrote: Have you talked with your parents and told them how you truly feel?
I'm sure your dad is proud of you he probably just doesn't know you need that reassurance.
A lot of parents, including my own, won't talk about stuff like that with you unless you're the one to start the conversation.
Don't be afraid to talk to your parents, they're there for you.
I'm gonna talk about it today. I hope they won't put me in that mental hospital again.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Winter™ - 03-10-2012
Don't say to people you want to die, it never ends so well.
I hope you understand that everyone cares, even thought it seems like crap. They do care, your mother especially. Your mother gave birth to you, she will go to the end of the world for you believe it or not.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - ABlackFedora - 03-10-2012
Listen up. Killing yourself is never the answer. Just don't do it. You'll find people in your life who care soon enough.
RE: I want to become An Hero. - Alreiger - 03-10-2012
There's nothing we can say that doesn't involve you doing the obvious; trying. I know it might be hard, but you need to break free from your social barrier and try to make friends. Having them with put you in a positive mood and distract you from the sadder points of life.