+- Support Forums (https://www.supportforums.net)
+-- Forum: Categories (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=87)
+--- Forum: Life Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=12)
+---- Forum: Creative Writing (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=59)
+---- Thread: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] (/showthread.php?tid=25529)
My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Winter™ - 03-08-2012
I am Angel of Death from HF so don't think I am ripping
I am always on track
Just an immortal man, dressed all in black
My face is all a crack
Don't kill me is all I hear, once I am there, I never go back
I carry my scythe all around
Floating on clouds, never touching thy ground
Why I am there, you will know
I bring my only friend, just an evil crow
No, not a vulture
A crow, a one of glory
A vulture gives torture
A crows sends off a shallow worry
I am the one and only of my job
I do not steal, cheat or rob
I simply open your soul to heaven or hell
Good or bad, I can tell
I am the man you dread
I don't pass my wine of my blood, or the bread of my body
Listen and cherish my breath
I am your angel of death.
Thoughts?
RE: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Alreiger - 03-09-2012
You were aiming for darker writing from what I can see, but that "My face is all a crack" bit ruined it.
RE: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Winter™ - 03-09-2012
(03-09-2012, 09:46 PM)Alreiger Wrote: You were aiming for darker writing from what I can see, but that "My face is all a crack" bit ruined it.
I didn't know how to word the idea of making the idea of a skeleton type face.
RE: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Alreiger - 03-09-2012
(03-09-2012, 09:50 PM)Winter™ Wrote: I didn't know how to word the idea of making the idea of a skeleton type face."My face deprived; cold and dark." would work in that spot, I'm not exactly sure how you could express a skull with a spatial limit like that.
RE: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Renowned - 03-09-2012
It's a pretty good poem, I liked it. Still as Alreiger said there was a little part in there that didn't really fit. If you manage to find a replacement to that part, this would be an awesome poem. I liked your explanation of the crow also.
RE: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Winter™ - 03-10-2012
Would the words:
Just an immortal man, dressed all in black
My face always ready to attack...
Would attack work?
RE: My English Class Poem [Angel Of Death] - Alreiger - 03-10-2012
(03-10-2012, 01:25 PM)Winter™ Wrote: Would the words:
Just an immortal man, dressed all in black
My face always ready to attack...
Would attack work?
That leaves a little too much for the imagination and leaves a gap for the reader which breaks the train of thought, which really isn't good in poetry.