+- Support Forums (https://www.supportforums.net)
+-- Forum: Categories (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=87)
+--- Forum: Life Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=12)
+---- Forum: Emotional Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=50)
+---- Thread: Fixing a friendship (/showthread.php?tid=24412)
Fixing a friendship - tomynho - 01-08-2012
Hey guys and girls.
It's been a while since I last posted here, because my life's been way better thanks to this friend.
Don't close this tab because it's a person I've not met yet - but trust me, I'd like to if things went well.
BUT.
Her and I have recently been discussing an incident that happened to us over a month ago.
It seems like a stupid thing to me, but it seems to have hurt her more than I think.
Basically, this whole incident started by me staying up late one day before her birthday. I was writing an e-mail to her to wish her a happy birthday exactly at midnight.
Because we hadn't spoken for 3 days, I decided to talk to her as soon as she got on.
I said I have to go - as I was busy.
It seemed suspicious to her - leaving as soon as she gets on.
She wanted to see if I'm really away as I said I would be, so she removed me from her contact list.
A few mins later, I had a weird feeling so I got back - I couldn't believe she was offline, so I talked to our mutual friend that told me it's just me and that my friend is really on.
My friend was then told that I'm on and got mad because she thought I lied to her - even though I didn't.
She basically blocked me and kept me blocked for 3 days. That's when the real incident happened.
Even though she unblocked me, she still hadn't added me back - I was clueless as I felt like I'm losing her. I decided to get another girl to talk to me in the public chat where my friend was. I hoped that this would make her notice me and talk to me - I was wrong. It was about the worst thing I've done in my life.
She instead felt as if I'm trying to replace her with someone else and got upset.
I explained what happened and 4 days later everything seemed okay again...for two weeks.
Then someone talked to her from another account I'd previously used a few times - although, she knew it was shared.
That's when she suspected me of lying about what really happened 2 weeks before this. So we started to discuss it again and again.
Once again, we were fine after 4 days.
She added me back to her contact list and started to talk to me as if nothing had happened.
This lasted for two more weeks. Then she brought it up again - because she tried to talk to me in the public (even though we'd been talking in the public for a few hours) and I asked her to talk through private messages, because someone else was around.
Then she brought up me not having problems with talking to the other girl in public and got mad again.
This happened 3 days ago and I'm helpless.
She has trust issues with guys (she told me) so she's very careful.
I understand it and I respect her as I always have, but I'm clueless.
Now we're back to "e-mailing only" and she says our friendship may get "more toxic until it all makes sense to her".
That's why I'm writing this. I sent her an e-mail 5 hours ago explaining everything that happened that night and prior to it. I've not got a reply yet.
I'm really clueless and that's why I'm asking you for help.
I'm now at high school (soph.), but when I was in elementary/ middle school, I attended special classes because of my IQ being "over 135".
That's why I have a hard time trusting people below my mental age.
She's in her early 20s, so I fully trust her and I consider her my best friend.
Now don't get me wrong, I do have friends in real, but this is a person that's so much like me.
The person that makes me happy without even trying and she's the person I'd like to start my new life with - a life away from my friends here, that are not reliable and their interests don't match with mine.
Also, my and her life goals, opinions and thoughts are very alike, sometimes even matching.
I can't imagine our friendship going awry just because of ONE mistake.
She's the best person I've ever known - sweet, friendly, helpful, honest, optimistic and kind - even though, straigh-forward.
Consider all of the above and, please, restrain from trolling or flaming.
I don't want a friend like her - I want HER to be my frend.
And yes, it's sad to say, but I'm in love with her and I'm pretty much willing to do anything. I'm not talking about the "love" that teen girls brag about.
This is a strong bond and attachment to her wonderful personality and to who she TRULY is.
If there's a mature person out there who can relate and help me restore it between us, I'd really appreciate it and I'd be thankful to them.
Thanks.
RE: Fixing a friendship - Stevo - 01-08-2012
I can relate, I have had a lot of close friends from the Internet but I don't have them any more. I met my girlfriend online, we are still together and are very happy... we will be getting married as well. At first we were friends and then become best friends and formed that strong bond like you and your friend have. But the thing is, like I said I HAD a lot of close Internet friends, I don't have them any more because the majority of the people on the Internet don't really care to commit to an online friendship or care anyway and start to prioritize the things which should be the most important thing in their life. I hope that your friend isn't one of those people since you claim to be in love with her. Since you sent that email explaining the 'incident', she may come to her senses and put a stop to her dramatic behaviour. You may not agree with my advice but this is just my point of view. In my opinion, your friend seems immature for her age, surely she could be a little understanding rather than ignorant and should listen to you and not just block you straight off the belt.
You must explain all of that to her and the way that you feel, find out if the feeling is mutual, if she sees you the same way that you see her. I strongly recommend you be careful because people online are easy to get attached to while you see hardly any emotion, you do not see their gestures or real life emotions... try not to let your guard down because this woman may not feel the same way. Good luck to you sir. My advice is probably not ideal to you or what you want to hear but I'm just looking at this situation realistically.
RE: Fixing a friendship - MineCrack - 01-08-2012
I didn't read it throughly, but talking to her on a shared account? Just be straight up, using a main account. You don't need a seperate account to get information out of someone or SE them for the truth. It just shows you can't trust them or they can't trust you.
RE: Fixing a friendship - forumhookers - 01-09-2012
i have only one internet friend who helped me a lot and i too do it in exchange, and i like to help all who come and ask me help, i will treat every one as friend.
RE: Fixing a friendship - tomynho - 01-09-2012
(01-08-2012, 08:10 PM)MineCrack Wrote: I didn't read it throughly, but talking to her on a shared account? Just be straight up, using a main account. You don't need a seperate account to get information out of someone or SE them for the truth. It just shows you can't trust them or they can't trust you.
Please, read it properly. It was an account I USED to use, but don't use anymore.
We're open to each other and I've never even tried to "SE them for the truth". Honestly, there's no one else that I trust as much as her.