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Please, help me. - maria - 12-05-2011
I found these forums looking for help online. I know I should probably get professional guidance, but I need to talk to someone and try to get some perspective.
Thank you in advance if you read this post.
I am currently feeling lost and pointless in a job and career I chose.
The job pays very well for an online job in marketing and my employers are kind, gentle people who have said they are respectful of my work and thought process -I don't even know what that means, but they said it was a compliment.
I mean, my employers act like they like me and find me useful, even though I don't find myself useful and I feel they are wasting their money with me.
I am struggling with the decision to quit, to try to figure out what I want.
I've saved enough this year to allow myself a small break from work to define my goals, but those savings are my way to get a house someday, so I feel guilty using them.
I chose to study mass media and to work in marketing and PR because I thought I'd be good at it and I liked the idea of advertising and creating wonderful pieces that affect someone's day. I know that's stupid, but I liked the idea of it, working in it however, makes me feel pointless and without cause.
When I was younger I switched careers because of family issues and moving away, but I was not super satisfied with graphic design either. I love design 'though, I just also felt I was no good at it because the other students were so much better at it than me.
I think I am the only one who sees this, I got good grades in college and my employers seem to like me, but I can't help but feel like I'm robbing them blind: I'm not getting them any results, why stick with me?
Having had financial struggles most of my life, I started working at 15 and have taken as many jobs as I could in any number of fields, just to make ends meet.
For the first time in my life I'm not surviving it, but I feel like drowning because I feel -blank- I've lost the will power to do anything. I feel terrible because I know people have it much worse than me and they are happy, I have a boyfriend who loves me and has for over 5 years. My parents are great with me and I have both of them alive, I have some friends and the ones I have are true. I have no children or responsibilities other than helping my parents..
Why do I feel so guilty and useless to live?
How do I find out what is my passion, when I feel like I have none. I want to make the right choice. I want to figure out what it is that I'm meant to do and find out if I there is something I love to do, to make a living in it...
Does anyone know how to figure that out?
I'm sorry if this was just crazy ranting... Thank you.
RE: Please, help me. - Lеgеnd - 12-05-2011
Hello Maria!,
I am sorry you feel this way, but it seems like your employers like you, and have use for you. They wouldn't be paying you to do a job that you weren't any good at. I do not suggest quitting, I recommend you ask your boss for a vacation, or to run your sick time out, to get a grip. During your break, you should try to do things you like. Go down to your towns recreation center, and try to do new things. Maybe you should try to get a hobby, like martial arts or going to the gym. Anything that makes YOU happy.
Regards!,
Viking
RE: Please, help me. - maria - 12-05-2011
Thank you Viking,
Taking a break sounds like a good idea. Let's see if I can get the days off
RE: Please, help me. - Infinity - 12-05-2011
The most important thing with picking a job is for it to be something that you love to do. I understand where you're coming from, but picking a job based on money is a way for us to be miserable. Pick your favorite thing to do, the thing that makes you smile. That's what a job should be like. Something you love to do, something that makes you smile. Go out and figure out what that thing is, interact with people, try some different things. Try some new things. In all honesty it's going to be whatever makes you happy that you're going to be able to stick with. Good luck!
RE: Please, help me. - maria - 12-14-2011
I tried doing what you guys told me.
I can't do it.
I know in my head I have to be grateful. There are people who would do anything for a job like mine, that struggle to meet ends. I used to be one of those people.
I just can't do this anymore. I can't do this work, I'm not good at this.
I have to stop. I'm going to pay a friend to help me get some work load off.
I will try to get them done better. I will do what I can this week do everything I can to finish on a good note and then walk away. I know I may regret this decision and I know this may be a mistake, but I feel like this situation is getting me depressed and the anxiety is unnecessary.
I want to take a break and then start over. It may be hard but I will do it, I'll make it work somehow, I have to.
Thank you all for helping.
I am thinking about getting professional help.