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+---- Thread: I can't handle this (/showthread.php?tid=18644)
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I can't handle this - Dεlluzion - 05-09-2011
Well, if you're not prepared to read the whole thread don't bother posting. This is a very serious issue, and I am very confused in what to do, right now.
It seems all the girlfriends I've had have been raped. There are 2 mainly (which I have loved with all my heart).
The first one, the most important was Melissa, my ex. Now after talking to her, she told me one day why she was pissed. It went something like this: I kept on asking her what was wrong because I really love her and really want to help her, and she finally said "Do you think it's nice being raped by your dad?
When I heard that, my heart dropped. I started having a serious heart problem of sadness. I've never felt this way. Anyway, with the help of my Dad, I went to their home and raided it. I basically fudged Melissa's dad up, and left.
The second one was Megan.
After a while of talking, we got together. She's more open, though. She told me she got raped by her uncle or step dad (idk) when she was young. This made me flip, as it reminded me of Melissa.
There are more, those are just the two main ones. The problem is I don't know what to do. It seems every girl I get with has been raped some how, and I really can't stand it. I might be a hard ass guy but when it comes to sensitive topics like this, I break down completely.
I don't know what to do, just stop dating, or just find ones that haven't been raped.
What do you guys say?
RE: I can't handle this - Joey Tribbiani - 05-09-2011
It may nearly be just a co-incidence.
Also, I want to ask one thing clearly - you dumped them because they were raped in the past?
Also, you should support them instead of getting pissed at them.
Just because they both had horrible pasts of getting raped, shouldn't change your perspective towards them.
RE: I can't handle this - BlackChaos - 05-09-2011
At times like this, always remember one thing. You can't choose who you fall in love with.
My advice is simple. Be compassionate and warm. No matter what has gone wrong in her life, you have to be the pillar of support.
If you feel like you must search for someone who has not been physically abused, then you'll indeed have an awkward and distressing time.
Imagine walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me. Have you ever been raped?"
Excuse me if you think I might have deviated from the topic a bit, but my point is, you have to believe that at some point or another, crap happens. To anyone. Its up to you if you want to help them get over it, or switch over to singleship.
RE: I can't handle this - DaKing - 05-09-2011
I suggest you to continue searching but to be careful.
Get a girl that you will love each other!
RE: I can't handle this - Dεlluzion - 05-09-2011
(05-09-2011, 08:53 AM)don26 Wrote: It may nearly be just a co-incidence.
Also, I want to ask one thing clearly - you dumped them because they were raped in the past?
Also, you should support them instead of getting pissed at them.
Just because they both had horrible pasts of getting raped, shouldn't change your perspective towards them.
I did not include that I dumped them so do not have the false thought that I did. They, in fact, dumped me.
(05-09-2011, 08:58 AM)BlackChaos Wrote: At times like this, always remember one thing. You can't choose who you fall in love with.
My advice is simple. Be compassionate and warm. No matter what has gone wrong in her life, you have to be the pillar of support.
If you feel like you must search for someone who has not been physically abused, then you'll indeed have an awkward and distressing time.
Imagine walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me. Have you ever been raped?"
Excuse me if you think I might have deviated from the topic a bit, but my point is, you have to believe that at some point or another, crap happens. To anyone. Its up to you if you want to help them get over it, or switch over to singleship.
Thanks for this. I have taken it into consideration, and what you say is exactly right. I am going to start accepting what has happened to the girls I meet, which includes what I have wrote in the topic.
RE: I can't handle this - Guest - 05-09-2011
I wouldn't necessarily call it co-incidence, i think its more of the type of guy you are and how you present yourself to females, there's a reason for why some guys attract older women others attract fat chicks... Judging from the way you kept asking her what was wrong makes me think you're a really good guy in your relationships perhaps a little too nice and that could be what makes those type of chicks attracted to you.
When a girl goes thru such trauma two things could happen either they hate men for the rest of there life or they look for a "perfect" guy to cope there pain and sorta try to understand them. I think pretty much you come off as a good guy (which isn't a bad thing) anyways that is just my personal take on it, either way wish you the best of luck bro.
RE: I can't handle this - Dεlluzion - 05-09-2011
(05-09-2011, 10:49 AM)Guest Wrote: I wouldn't necessarily call it co-incidence, i think its more of the type of guy you are and how you present yourself to females, there's a reason for why some guys attract older women others attract fat chicks... Judging from the way you kept asking her what was wrong makes me think you're a really good guy in your relationships perhaps a little too nice and that could be what makes those type of chicks attracted to you.
When a girl goes thru such trauma two things could happen either they hate men for the rest of there life or they look for a "perfect" guy to cope there pain and sorta try to understand them. I think pretty much you come off as a good guy (which isn't a bad thing) anyways that is just my personal take on it, either way wish you the best of luck bro.
Thanks a lot for the info bro. Yeah, I try my best to keep my girl happy.
RE: I can't handle this - iCrack - 05-09-2011
That's fudged up mate. I just met a girl on FB and we got really friendly with each other. She told me she has been raped when she was younger. That's pretty fudged up.
RE: I can't handle this - Amp™ - 05-12-2011
Before I say anything else, I'd like to let you know that I have a huge amount of respect for you. Most guys wouldn't do anything when they hear their girlfriend got raped by her dad. (Sick, I know.) But you stepped up and helped her when she needed it the most. I think it's an odd and scary coinsidence, but you just have to realize that every girl will have something wrong with them. Most girls haven't gotten raped, but maybe some were abused as children? Everyone has something their ashamed of, even if it's minor. If you plan to be in a serious relationship with a girl, make sure you can handle their problems. Good luck!
RE: I can't handle this - Scalise - 05-12-2011
I've also had girls with severe trauma throughout their childhood. And I for one am not one to cheer anybody up or give valuable advice. The best you can do is just be there for them, through thick and thin and show them that you really care.
Trying to avoid girls with issues or giving up on dating altogether isn't going to help you. Especially avoiding; bad things will always happen and you have to be prepared for it, and stay strong for both of your sakes.
Hope this helped in one way or another, I've been there too and it's a tough time, but I can assure you you'll be happy to know that you helped somebody else cope with bad times in their life.
