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This thread is closed - monique12345 - 03-29-2011
Attraction is an interesting topic. Many may agree that there are several layers of connections with someone; physical/sexual, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual.
This guy finds me very attractive. We have not dated or anytihng but I admit there is something very special about this guy. He is not the guy I would look at but he has caught my eye and it may be because he notices me and is so open about his attraction towards me, which i admire his confidence in. He is a single dad and offcourse his kids come first. So he is careful to not introduce just anyone.
This next part may vary in comments between men and woman. I like to be in a relationship and explore the other connections before diving into a sexual one as for me love making is a tip of the iceberg. He finds sex very important and he wants to know if we are compatible in this way and let the rest happen. He further stated if we get on then it will evolve into a relationship - an interesting view which i have not heard before. At present he has needs, been 3 months for him and he is open in stating that he wants me. he goes as far as saying that he is so turned when just looking at me. Yet he does not need to go out with me, or even contact me everyday. Whereas i fel stupid in waiting for him to contact me everyday and think of him alot which is driving me mad. Is he just wanting a woman or is he really into me? how can i know? Every gal likes to feel special. I am concerned of feeling used afterwards as my feelings have grown for him. Also is there a difference between love making and sex for a guy?
People express love in various forms and he kept saying the other day to just have sex with him and enjoy it, live life and have fun. He says there would be no relationship if the sex is bad as sex is very important in a relationship for him. I think it cannot be bad if the other connections are powerful, all sex and nothing else is also not satisfying. Does it seem like he wants things only on his terms? He states he likes my mind and everything else, yet he seems very pushy for the sex part. Part of me is liking it and another part is cautious as I do not want to be perceived as an easy woman, or a sex toy. I guess I am after some advice here. Just having sex is no light step for me which he knows about. I would love to take this step with him, but can one do that without being in a relationship? In your opinion, how is he thinking of me and is there a risk that he sleeps with me then the fantasy is over for him so to speak? There are som good and bad guys, some with great lip service. He says he is neither good or bad, just beung himself. I am confused as to where I stand with him. Your advice is appreciated. Thanks all!
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - Swat Runs Train - 03-29-2011
There is no certain guidelines, it's all about both of your comfort levels, especially your comfort levels around each other. If he's pushing you for it rather than just hinting, I would take that as an indicator that may be all he wants, so think on it and give it some time, see if you can discern his intentions, if he isn't willing to wait or gets aggravated then that should set off some alarm bells.
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - monique12345 - 03-29-2011
Thank you. Good advice. He has waited for 3 months. but when i said just release your tension with someone else, he wrote OK. Weird really. i like that he is very sensual and i guess i am curious. He is private which is what i like. he has a dilemma with woman, and that is that he has a very large tool so to speak. This may explain something for him as it has not been easy for him. i wonder if he is protecting his emotions to see if the sexual connection is there first. i have always played it safe, and i guess a part of me is fed up of it. I have only ever been with one man and I am wanting intimacy. Here is this guy, a little odd but something special about him who is willing to give it without being obsessive. I am drawn to him for some reason. I am worried that i get hooked and he tosses me away. I am going on what if all the time and i would like to change my mindset. I guess alot is with how i have been raised with random sexual encounters is a taboo.
How can i know if he really is into me and not just sees me as a female in a skirt? He says all the right things and is honest in saying he wants sex, last time for him is December. He will not wait for months and he is clear that he has little time with his work, school and kids. his kids seem to run his life too. i asked him why the other relations have not worked, he said it is because the woman wanted to move in and all that. I have made it clear that i want to emotionally connect as his heart is so closed. Maybe a kiss is safer to start with and see how that feels. I dont think i want to fall into a trap where he contacts me to just have sex, and using the times i just want to chat as he is now busy with everything else. I am stuck, all advice is really welcomed. i am just not experienced and do not want to get hurt.
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - Swat Runs Train - 03-29-2011
Well it's a good sign that he feels comfortable enough to tell you he wants sex in a half decent way but the flippant comment about going elsewhere for those needs sounds like him almost being mad you aren't "giving it up".
I don't see why he would mention having little time, his kids aren't going anywhere and I would hope his job isn't either, it just all sounds a little odd to me.
That being said I can't 100% accurately judge someone I haven't met.
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - SleepyTroll - 03-29-2011
This guy is just trying to get in your pants and being blatant as hell about it. That's the only reason you're confused by it. You seem like you're not used to this type of confidence and are flattered by it.
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - monique12345 - 03-29-2011
I appreciate it being hard to judge someone one has not met. In an odd way, i have seen him, there is some energy or attraction between us which I cannot put my finger on. i think sleepy trolley you may have also hit something on the head here. So he gets in my pants, feels like the winner and then is on his way. I too am confused about him saying he has little time. One of the oddest thing is, at the end of the conversation. He wrote that if i do not want to have sex with him, then he is ok with that as he will still like me and respect me. Or is this a way of just drawing me in by saying all the right things? it seems like he does not really like me, just sees me as a hot woman in his words to have a bang at on his terms. Alot of people think I am good looking, i find the heart of someone more important. I have a mind on me too and boy if i could just a guy who loves me for me, rather than just my looks and feels like he has won a trophy or something. Maybe a sign of him just being honesty that he wants sex is by not being bothered either way. i do not see why he needs my permission to get connected to someone else. Damn, i like the wrong man and feel lousy about it. Now he knows that i like him alot and i feel stupid about it. Please get me out of this confusion emotional stand point. I really have waited a long time to have someone intimate with me, just i want the right type of intimacy.
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - wtftwice - 03-29-2011
(03-29-2011, 08:19 PM)SleepyTroll Wrote: This guy is just trying to get in your pants and being blatant as hell about it. That's the only reason you're confused by it. You seem like you're not used to this type of confidence and are flattered by it.
Agreed. It sounds as if all he wants is sex by the way you put it. I doubt
you'll get an intimate relationship out of a guy like that, sorry..
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - Bullet Proof - 03-29-2011
If you're in a serious relationship then till the right time,
if not then first day or 2nd
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - monique12345 - 03-29-2011
Thanks guys. I have written it how it is without any perception of viewpoint (have a human recorder like that). he fancies me and wants sex. All there is to it by the feeling i get. He can make time for that but no time to get to know me and enjoy my company in other senses. I am pretty low right now. Just when i thought there was a deeper connection. I am trying not to stereotype him as a hook up lad which he finds very insulting and seemed very hurt by it. or am i just looking for something which simply does not exist? how shall i respond to him as he has put this forward like an offer? From some of the last remarks, i take it for a guy intimacy is different from sex? Thanks all for shedding light on a naive person.
RE: How long should one wait before having sex with someone? - MsRevolver - 03-29-2011
I think if it was meant to be, you wouldn't be asking! My boyfriend and I of almost 5 years had sex the second night we spent together, and didn't expect that we'd be soul mates. LOL However, my bf didn't push me into it. We had been casual friends with an obvious attraction for about 6 months before we were together but I think this guy you're talking about wants sex and if he was truly interested in keeping a relationship with you, he would respect you as a woman, and not a sex object. The right guy would wait a reasonable amount of time until you're comfortable. Yeah, if the sex sucked, I doubt I'd be with my bf, but since we had such a strong connection, it couldn't have been bad if we tried.
hope that helps a little.
