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+---- Thread: My friend is a pedophile (/showthread.php?tid=15470)
My friend is a pedophile - Solidify - 01-10-2011
One of my friends is stuck between two girls, but before you assume the worst, consider the following situation.
He's 20 years old and has a girlfriend that is 20. They've been dating for about 6 months now. They're not that close, to say the least. He doesn't see her very often. He's not a virgin but she is. She's what most men would call a 'prude'. That being, she doesn't embrace the idea of sex before marriage. But not only that, every time my friend tried to make-out with her, that's about as far as he'll get. So for the sake of dignity, he's told himself that he's going to stop trying.
We got out clubbing and partying all the time all of us friends without his girlfriend. Each time, he gets so close to f u c king other girls that he beats himself up for it. He tells us 'Man, I haven't had sex in a while. It's killing me.' We try not to seem like bad friends but we've told him that he should break it off with his girlfriend. He's told us several times that he doesn't feel much attraction for her anymore. He's waited and the lust have gone away. When he ask him 'Why don't you want to break up with your girlfriend?', he replies 'Because she's a good person and I don't want to do that to her.'
To make matters worse, there's a situation at home as well. My friend's parents are separated so he and his father live with the dad's girlfriend and her three children, one of which is 14. He tells me that she comes into his room every morning after everyone leaves for work and she comes onto him. From what he's told me, she comes into his bed with nothing but a bra and panties. She kisses him, touches his penis, etc. She basically works him up. He's already made it clear that she needs to stop this because it's not right, a, because he's not single and b, because he could get in trouble. As much as you would all think to yourself 'That's wrong! He's a bad person for that', try to put yourself in such a position. No matter what age a girl is, if she comes under your covers every morning and she's quite cute, it's still going to be hard to hold back. He's only human. He's a good person but she's leading him on. Not to mention, he's just been deprived of sex from his girlfriend that I assume he's just trying to get with his step-sister to satisfy his craving.
This morning, his step-sister broke the last thread. He told me that he f u c ked her but pulled out. He says 'I had my dick in her and was f u c king her but I didn't cum in her' and I felt relieved. I told him that he had to end this now. He tells me that he's tried to but now he's just gone too far and it will never be the same with them two at home.
Now. I, along with several of our friends, have repeatably told him that he needs to break it off with his girlfriend if he's not happy with her. I've told him that putting others before himself is only right to a certain extent. Not to mention, I'm the only one that he told about him sleeping with his step-sister but our friends still know that she leads him on. I gave him my word that this wouldn't make its way to any of our friends so I'm cloaking his identity and coming to you guys for some additional feedback.
He really wants to break up with her but he's afraid of being perceived as a bad guy and doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend. I've told him that if he considers his girlfriend to be as good of a person as he makes her out to be, then he owes it to her to break-up. She deserves someone better. He insists that she loves him too much and she wouldn't break up! My jaw dropped. I was stunned.
Tonight, on the car ride home, I made it clear that he needs to end things with his girlfriend before he tackles anything else with his step-sister. He's agreed, but I hope he doesn't think about it too much thinking tonight and reconsider by tomorrow morning.
What do you guys have to say about this?
Should he break up with her?
If so, how should he do it? I've already made it clear that it needs to be done in person to seem less cowardly.
I'm sure I missed a lot of information but you can ask questions and I'll be happy to answer them for you in order to have you understand the relationship between everyone else in this drama a little better.
Thanks for reading.
Updated March 17th, 2011;
This is an update to the situation.
My friend's dad and his girlfriend found out that he was sleeping with her daughter and they both kicked him out of the house. He's planning on living with his older sister and her boyfriend about an hour away from where we live now. His mom and her boyfriend as well as my best friend, also his, both offered him to stay with them but he doesn't want to for some reason. The dad is in the process of having a house built about an hour away but in the different direction. They were going to all move into the house together once it's done (my friend, his dad, the dad's girlfriend and all three of her children) but now the dad doesn't want him living with him anymore, not to mention, the father broke up with his girlfriend because of all this. His dad is still sticking around at the girlfriend's house so that she doesn't lose it and call the cops or something worse. She's going to file charges on him because he's 21 and her daughter is 13. He's going to need to sell his car to pay for a high-end lawyer. His life is really upside down now and he's depressed. His only option when in court is to plead not guilty and say that he didn't sleep with the girlfriend's kid. If not, he might go to jail.
I'd like to be there for him but it's just an awkward moment right now. Sure we all make mistakes in our lives and some have bigger repercussions than others but I don't understand how he could not have the head on his shoulders to say no to this little girl just because she used to come in his bed every morning and give him kisses. He's certainly going to be held accountable for his actions but I just hate to see him in such a position. He really f*cked up.
The dad's girlfriend had gone out with another man with a seventeen-year-old kid and apparently her daughter did the same thing with him. My best friend (not the one in trouble) thinks that the girlfriend is a gold-digger. She's a barmaid but has quite a bit of money so he's really leaning towards that idea.
In a sense, I'm glad that everyone knows because I'm not sure how much longer I would have been able to keep this a secret.
Updated March 18th, 2011, 6:08 AM;
I can't fall back asleep. I woke up about an hour ago from a bad dream and can't get it out from the back of my mind. I had a dream that my friend killed himself because of the situation he's in and then I woke up crying. I've been bawling my eyes out for the past 45 minutes and I can't go back to bed without bursting into tears again whenever I think about him.
I'm one of those people that rarely cries, if ever. In a weird way, it feels good to cry. I haven't cried in a long time and never do. I think the reason I'm such a mess is because of the following. In case I didn't mention it in the OP, my friend had not told anyone but me about having slept with the girl and he told me not to tell anyone. This was in December. Up until a few days ago when the $hit hit the fan, I was the only one that knew. My other friend told me yesterday that if he would have known, he would have made a difference and really got in his face about how wrong what he was doing is. It kind of makes me feel like this is my fault. I knew and didn't do anything to prevent the situation from getting worse. That's why I think I'm crying so much. I mean I haven't even known the kid that is in trouble for a year yet and I'm sobbing over him yet I'm the kind of person that didn't shed a single tear for my uncle's passing. It doesn't make any sense.
Anyways, I'm stuck here at 6:19 AM and can't fall asleep without crying again. I'm not worried about going back to bed as much as I'd like to figure this whole psychological think out. This is a first for me. I never EVER cry.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - NekoChan - 01-10-2011
So, he wants to break up with her, cuz she won't secks? Damn.
I don't know what to say much about it, can't he wait till marriage?
I mean, I wouldn't care, I could handle no secks easily.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Death Trap™ - 01-10-2011
I think he needs to break it off with his girlfriend because of the fact she deserve someone better, no offense. If he deserve her, he could've waited and not slept with his step-sister. Even though it might not be his fault that she leaded him on, he should've contain himself of the urge to "sleep" with her.
6 months isn't that long. I have been in longer and eventually we ended up doing it. She wanted to feel that he "deserve" her "honey".
As far as he is not happy and doesn't want to hurt her, it is the best thing to do before he drags her deeper to find he cheated and her feelings becomes much more closer towards him. This will make it harder to let go. The sooner to end it the better.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Solidify - 01-10-2011
(01-10-2011, 12:54 AM)NekoChan Wrote: So, he wants to break up with her, cuz she won't secks? Damn.
I don't know what to say much about it, can't he wait till marriage?
I mean, I wouldn't care, I could handle no secks easily.
Yes and no. S e x is a contributing factor because keep in mind, he's no longer a virgin while she is. But aside from that, he's just no longer physically attracted to her. He's been wanting to end things with her even before this whole situation took place with his step-sister.
(01-10-2011, 01:33 AM)Death Trap™ Wrote: I think he needs to break it off with his girlfriend because of the fact she deserve someone better, no offense. If he deserve her, he could've waited and not slept with his step-sister. Even though it might not be his fault that she leaded him on, he should've contain himself of the urge to "sleep" with her.
6 months isn't that long. I have been in longer and eventually we ended up doing it. She wanted to feel that he "deserve" her "honey".
As far as he is not happy and doesn't want to hurt her, it is the best thing to do before he drags her deeper to find he cheated and her feelings becomes much more closer towards him. This will make it harder to let go. The sooner to end it the better.
I agree about the sooner he ends it, the better. But he's too nervous to do it. He says that when they started dating, his girlfriend's parents doubted they'd last and he had an argument with them. So now, he's worried about making his girlfriend look bad if he breaks up with her, her family will be like 'I told you so'.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - phybeЯ - 01-10-2011
To be honest, he should break up with her. The key to a good relationship is trust, and no one should ever have to be in a position where they feel uncomfortable to the extent of finding other ways to "satisfy" themselves.
He should break up with her in person and tell her the truth about how he feels, despite the fact that it may be hard.
I wish your friend the best of luck and kudos to you for being a supportive friend.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Solidify - 01-10-2011
(01-10-2011, 09:39 AM)Phiber Optiks Wrote: To be honest, he should break up with her. The key to a good relationship is trust, and no one should ever have to be in a position where they feel uncomfortable to the extent of finding other ways to "satisfy" themselves.
He should break up with her in person and tell her the truth about how he feels, despite the fact that it may be hard.
I wish your friend the best of luck and kudos to you for being a supportive friend.
What should he tell her and how/where should he do it? He's worried about coming off as mean guy.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Death Trap™ - 01-10-2011
(01-10-2011, 09:32 AM)Solidify Wrote: I agree about the sooner he ends it, the better. But he's too nervous to do it. He says that when they started dating, his girlfriend's parents doubted they'd last and he had an argument with them. So now, he's worried about making his girlfriend look back if he breaks up with her, her family will be like 'I told you so'.
He should pick up his balls and do it as trying to put all the blame on himself so it sounds like it wasn't her fault it happened. Tell him that if he doesn't do it now, he will be hurting her more in the future.Ask him how long will he even stay with her? Till "they" get married? It will be the same if they breakup before getting married, her parents will say the same thing. The only way to avoid her parents saying that is to actually "get married" to her so it seems they made it. If not, breakup still can happen. In the long run, it will hurt her more than him.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Solidify - 01-10-2011
(01-10-2011, 11:36 AM)Death Trap™ Wrote: if he doesn't do it now, he will be hurting her more in the future
I made that clear. Thanks for solidifying my decision.
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Death Trap™ - 01-10-2011
(01-10-2011, 12:15 PM)Solidify Wrote: I made that clear. Thanks for solidifying my decision.
I like exaggerating it so maybe it will sink in.
mile: Maybe you can annoy him about it and hope he gets it clearly 
RE: A buddy of mine is in a tight spot - Solidify - 01-10-2011
(01-10-2011, 12:23 PM)Death Trap™ Wrote: I like exaggerating it so maybe it will sink in.
He understands what he needs to do and why. It's just that he doesn't have the heart to do it to her. She likes him too much. So, what I'm trying to explain him is that NOT breaking up will hurt her more than breaking up now would, in the long run.