+- Support Forums (https://www.supportforums.net)
+-- Forum: Categories (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=87)
+--- Forum: Life Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=12)
+---- Forum: Creative Writing (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=59)
+---- Thread: Beautiful (/showthread.php?tid=14705)
Beautiful - Epicly - 12-17-2010
Quote:Your words are bittersweet
When I’m not sure if they’re only said to me.
But how could I tell?
This seems to be going so well,
and it’s frightening.
So where’s it gonna go?
Down the drain, or farther than we’ll ever know?
It’s all up to you,
because you’ve got much more to lose
and even more to show.(?)
Since trust is such an issue,
how could I still miss you?
And how could I sitill want this so bad?
This won’t even last long,
couldn’t possibly go strong,
but it’s still you that I gotta have.
My friend wrote this and I'd like to know your opinion and pass it onto her. Go ahead and criticize about it but it's not me your hurting or helping.
RE: Beautiful - N.O.R.E - 12-17-2010
personally i'm not into "emotional" writing or expressing emotions but if i were to be interested in writing like this i would say it's pretty good...
how old is your friend?
RE: Beautiful - Wasiqkhan - 12-17-2010
Depending on your friends experience in writing and his/her age.
For a beginner youth, that's impressive. I like it!
For a experienced elder, that's okay...could be better.
RE: Beautiful - Beautiful - 12-17-2010
I like it, reminded me of alot of my poems that I write
mine are all on here.. well most if you want to pass those onto her.
RE: Beautiful - xerotic - 12-17-2010
I really do not like it. No structure whatsoever. It seems he tries to rhyme here and there, but that just makes it look even more mediocre.
RE: Beautiful - Νinja - 12-22-2010
I like it, it has a couple good rhymes and it has good rhythm. It could use improvement on the structure, though.
RE: Beautiful - Time - 12-22-2010
Its ok kinda random and doesn't have a real structure
RE: Beautiful - xerotic - 12-22-2010
To add on about what I said earlier..
There is no foundation. He simply strings together lines. They are all of different lengths, it barely rhymes.. he is talking. Or worse, rapping with no rhyming.
RE: Beautiful - Epicly - 12-22-2010
Whatever ill tell HER that!
RE: Beautiful - Techno - 12-23-2010
It seems that she was starting good but was not able to mKe the words flow smoothly or connect. Otherwise it would have been a great poem