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+---- Thread: Am I in the wrong? (/showthread.php?tid=14621)
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Am I in the wrong? - Corpse - 12-13-2010
First off I would like to thank you in taking your time in even reading this thread, it means alot to me.
Well to start off, I have to admit that I haven't dealt with this type of situation before and it's killing me to not get this out/ask for help, hence why I am making this thread. My best friend is going out with my ex girlfriend from some time ago.
Your probably thinking, well she is your EX gf. Yes I understand that quite well, but the thing that bothers me is that I was madly in love with her. She was the type of person I planned on spending the rest of my life with. We both actually talked about it and planned everything out even down to what we would name our "future" kid. We didn't have to decide on anything because we both wanted the SAME exact things. It was like she was a mirror image of me, which is a good thing I suppose.
The fact that I lost my virginity to her vise versa kept me wondering and made me feel betrayed and what salted the wound is that she is with my best friend. I love my friend to death but he honestly doesn't care about her the way she deserves. He's the kind of person that is in a relationship because he fears being alone, I can't really talk crap about him because I am the same way but I actually do care.
I don't say anything to him because I am the type of person that puts people before themselves. So the question is, am I wrong for feeling betrayed because of the fact that my best friend is dating my ex? I know I should move on but we all have that someone we can never forget.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - ZeroH0ur - 12-14-2010
It is indeed very complicated problem. In the first place, your best friend should not be with her. He doesn't respect you in term of best friends rule. Best friends doesn't go out with best friend girlfriend or ex girlfriend. Even myself respect my best friend where I am in this exact situation. I choose not to go out with his ex because I respect my best friend and I don't want to have problem with him because we known each other for very long time.
You should talk to your best friend. Don't advice him to break up because that is rude. You cannot ask him to break up because that is his life. You can ask him not to talk about her in front of you. Not to bring her along when he is with you. Not to show pictures or anything about her to you. Trust me, you will feel better as time cures.
On your side, you have to make yourself busy to forget her. Try doing things you like. Don't keep pictures of her or anything that reminds you about her. Go out with other friend and not with your best friend during this period.
I know how you feel because I've been through this period. You will not able to forget her totally but at least those feelings are not very strong.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - Katz - 12-14-2010
I think you should feel betrayed, not by your friend but from youe ex, could i just ask how old you & her are/was?
RE: Am I in the wrong? - Klorkz - 12-14-2010
ZeroH0ur is a wise man. As he said, talk to your friend and tell him how you feel about this situation, I know it can be difficult to talk about feelings with your friends when you are a boy, but trust me it would really help you out
And again as ZeroH0ur said, don't advice him to break up.
Go to parties, meet new people, it really helps to meet new people, and don't keep to much memories of your ex, it will just make you even more sad.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - Robie - 12-14-2010
I would feel betrayed, but there isnt much you can do but reconsider if he is really your friend.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - Guest - 12-14-2010
(12-14-2010, 07:59 AM)Robie Wrote: I would feel betrayed, but there isnt much you can do but reconsider if he is really your friend.
Thats true. He's always talking about one of his other close friends that he's known for years way before me so I wonder what he says about me. To be fair, the guy he talks about is a complete tool.
Thanks for the reply's everyone, It means alot to me being able to tell people my situation and knowing that I its fine to feel the way I do. As to whom asked me how old I was at the time we went. I was about 18 and am 19 at the current moment.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - Corpse - 12-14-2010
Sorry I posted that as a guest. Didn't realize I was not signed in. Hopefully my situation gets better and I can finally be comfortable when I see then togather. It just hasn't been the same the past couple months not being able to speak to a close friend because of someone that shouldn't really matter at this point.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - Saint Michael - 12-14-2010
This is very complicated indeed, but since others have already answered you then...well i will go ahead and just state what i think could help you, First off talk it over to your friend, you never know what might happen. Then go to the girl yourself, and explain how you feel, If you truly love her then it will somehow work out.
RE: Am I in the wrong? - FamousMassacre - 12-16-2010
Why did you guys terminate the relationship?
RE: Am I in the wrong? - xerotic - 12-16-2010
I would feel betrayed an punch him in the face. He shouldn't cross that boundary. Man code.