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+---- Thread: About my crush. (/showthread.php?tid=14025)
About my crush. - lunagron - 11-27-2010
When she smiles,
my heart goes wild.
This happens everyday,
but I don't know what to say.
I feel like we should be together,
It doesn't have to be forever.
I need to know why,
Before I start to cry.
She is so perfect,
Not just your common suspect.
I don't know how this came to be,
There is no way I can agree.
I'll make this work,
before I go berserk.
I'll find a way,
It'll be okay.
RE: About my crush. - Solidus - 11-27-2010
Pretty good.
Try to use the same amount of syllables on rhyming words. 'Everyday'(3) and 'Say'(1) doesn't sound good at all. Or at least only 1 syllable difference.
RE: About my crush. - lunagron - 11-27-2010
(11-27-2010, 07:47 PM)Solidus Wrote: Pretty good.
Try to use the same amount of syllables on rhyming words. 'Everyday'(3) and 'Say'(1) doesn't sound good at all. Or at least only 1 syllable difference.
I appreciate the feedback and criticism. Thank you.
RE: About my crush. - Legit Kid ™ - 11-28-2010
Very deep, im not really a poetry type of guy but it was really good i have to say.
RE: About my crush. - Charmz - 11-28-2010
You did a very good job writing this.
RE: About my crush. - lunagron - 11-28-2010
Thanks guys!
RE: About my crush. - N.O.R.E - 11-28-2010
Very deep, im not really a poetry type of guy but it was really good i have to say.
RE: About my crush. - lunagron - 11-28-2010
(11-28-2010, 05:46 PM)Killuminati Wrote: Very deep, im not really a poetry type of guy but it was really good i have to say.
Thanks. I really appreciate it.