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+---- Thread: Fate in the third world [POEM] (/showthread.php?tid=11988)
Fate in the third world [POEM] - Intro - 09-14-2010
Fate in the third world by (me)
-----------------------------------------------------
Young kids are weeping,
while ill men are sleeping,
Birds are tweeting,
and Danger is creeping,
Round the corner,
it'll wait and wait,
until that moment,
to dish out fate,
In it rains,
falling down,
upon those worthy,
of the reapers frown,
A silent killer,
a rapid thriller,
Pulling the hopeless,
into the ground.
Meh, not as good as my "Over-Night War" but still a decent shot.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - Vish - 09-20-2010
Yup, its kinda nice though. I am not good yet in writing poems.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - Akihiko - 09-24-2010
Very good! Have you considered starting a poetry group in your school / college?
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - AceInfinity - 09-24-2010
The rhyme is nice, and the ideas are creative, but you should try sticking with a particular rhyme scheme throughout every stanza. The last word rhyming in the first paragraph is
"aabb"
where the first 2 lines have the last word that rhyme with each other, and same with the last 2 lines in that paragraph, then it changes. Otherwise its good.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - superjoe128 - 09-25-2010
Not as good as over night war but this is still a nice poem and you are very talented at writing poems.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - Ḱø♭ε Ḃґƴαηт - 10-06-2010
Great poem, you are really talented, keep up the good work.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - SpankDaHobo - 10-06-2010
You shouldn't be too harsh on yourself, the way you worded it all out was amazing, it fits and rhymed like the way I like.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - Zankza - 10-08-2010
This is nice poem, I did enjoy reading it.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - ariton - 10-08-2010
I like this kind of poems. Gr8 m8.
RE: Fate in the third world [POEM] - Intro - 01-18-2011
Thanks for the comments guys. Any improvements I can make?