I need to change, I really do, and I want the true me.

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Okay, so I don't do crap, but DRINK, SMOKE WEED, and PARTY! Those are my 3 things that make up my life. Plus going to bed really late and waking up past 2 pm. If I didn't choice the crowd I'm in now I could honestly be something more. I'm really smart, I always was, but I just can't pursue it anymore. I have street smarts, common sense, I'm the smartest one out of my friends. I'm just really lazy and my parents are both alcoholics. My family doesn't like they in the sense of them being very annoying and obnoxious when drunk.



At this point in my life I'm a junior and about to start school soon. I don't want to change because I like being in the "cool" group and girls like that I guess? I just don't see that it is worth hanging out with send offs, bullshiters, and people who do this crap. I want to find the true me and be around true friends. 



Online friend: Unholy faith. (I love you, bro! No homo. Hooah (:! )



A thing he said to me which really makes me want to change:



You may seem "cool" now.

But later, you'll end up a loser.

I hope you don't.

I hope you freakin nut-the-fudge up.

Get smarter.

Hit the books, instrad of the blunt.

And get the fudge with your life, while this prick who fucks with you daily will finally realize how fudged he was.



The last about that "prick" is this kid always acts like he is the best, he is a narcissistic kid.  He always bullies everyone around him and guess what I've known him the longest. I chilled with him for so long yet he treats me like a bitch. I would fight him, but it's not worth it. He might beat me, but still it's not worth it. I'm just tired of getting treated like a little bitch and he gets so mad if someone hits him. He constantly hits me all the time and it pisses me off. I tell him to stop.. yet he doesn't. Then I get pissed and tell him to really stop. Then he makes it out like I'm over reacting. He now wants to find one of his best friends or ex-best friend. It was the OG 4 and we've been bros for so long yet he wants to beat him up? We hang out with hella people don't get me wrong but this was a group within the group. Just pure bullshit, I don't see how you can fight a bro. 



My parents are both alcoholics and it's very hard to live around this environment. I feel exactly what my other friend said:



My Online friend az said this to me:



4:52 AM - az: you

4:52 AM - az: grew up

4:52 AM - az: in the wrong life

4:52 AM - az: and was born

4:52 AM - az: into the wrong life

4:52 AM - az: and family



I feel that I'm an old soul and my Aunt even told me this too. I always try to help people and I'm very mature for my age - My family members told me this. Like say there is one slice of pizza is left and this kid wants it, but I really want it to. I'll just give it to him. Say there are no chairs left in the room and I'm standing, someone says "hey do you want to sit in my chair". I'll just tell them no, I'm fine, not that I like standing just because I want them to feel better. I always try to make people feel better and not me. I really don't know why. Hopefully that makes sense.



I just want to get smarter, get even more stronger, meet new people (true people), join the army.



I really don't see me going that far because I already fudged up. My friends (all people who party), My 2 drunk parents, and it's just hard to cope with all this bullshit.



It's going to be really hard leaving the life of a druggy and becoming who I truly am.



I love how only my online friends feel this way and not my real life friends. This is I guess because they just don't get it. What they're exactly doing with their life. I have to change and I will starting today. 



"If you're not going to stop now, you never will, later never comes."



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