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+---- Thread: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels (/showthread.php?tid=24393)
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My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - Conception - 01-08-2012
I know this is long guys, but please read. I'm really desperate for help.
So my girlfriend and I are in a situation.
I really love her and care about her. I told her this, and I always try to be there for her. I am that kind of guy that talks a lot about my feelings and stuff, if I have someone to talk to. In person, however, I'm somewhat shy and stuff.
My girlfriend is the complete opposite of me. She doesn't really talk about her feelings and stuff, she has an attitude 99% of the times, she has the "I just don't care" attitude. She also doesn't have a lot of friends, entirely by choice. But she's attractive, so that gets her attention and stuff, which usually makes me jealous, but that's entirely a different problem that I've just about gotten over. She's generally a stay-at-home person and I usually go over her house to be with her.
I like really like her. We have our share of problems, but our opposites have usually complemented each other. But now they're expanding. I really try to show her that I care, because I really do. But she doesn't show that she cares. For example when we're together, she'll like downright belittle me or something. Her parents really like me because I'm a good kid, and I suppose they assume that I don't mind what she says and stuff. I'm guessing this is because of my reaction to it, which is just a shake-it-off thing.
I don't have a lot of people to talk to, and I can't even talk to her, because she doesn't want to listen. Even about our relationship. Since she's easily angered, once she said something like "well if you don't like it just dump me". And sometimes when I want to see her, I'll ask if she wants to see me and she'll say that she doesn't care.
Now there's a kicker. She really does care. I genuinely know this. When she's mad and she has the whole "well just dump me" attitude, it's not because she doesn't care about me, it's because she has a low self esteem and think's she's not worth it or something, which in my eyes is obviously entirely wrong. And on days where she says she doesn't care if I come over when I ask, if I actually don't, she'll get mad because I didn't.
It's completely a matter of her not showing how she feels towards me. I know that she does care and all, but that's just not enough. I can't be happy with her if I get the impression that she's not happy with me, and I don't know if I'm wrong for that. Am I?
And we are fighting now. Last night, she was at a block party thing with her parents, and I stayed in. When she got back we were texting and she said something like "well since you were too busy today to see me". And it aggravated me, honestly. I told her how I'm the one that always wants to see her, and when she wants to see me I never know because she doesn't tell me. I fought with her and told her that she really needs to start showing me that she cares about me. She said that she doesn't have to prove anything. So I told her that when she decides she wants to start showing she cares, to come and find me. And she said "Well then I won't be".
I'm just scared. I don't know if what I did or my reasoning was even right. And I really like her beyond belief, and I don't want to lose her. I have the obvious thoughts of "what if she doesn't contact me?" and stuff like that. I'm just hoping that she'll see that what I want isn't that bad, and come back to me. But I feel like she's really stubborn and won't, regardless of if she wants to or not.
Guys, please help. Tell me if what I'm doing is right. Or what I should do. Or anything at all. I really need help.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - SoulCake. - 01-08-2012
She probably has different ways of showing her love. You probably need her to express it verbally, but for whatever reason, that doesn't make her comfortable. Some people are like that, but I'm sure she frequently shows her love in other ways.
Just talk to her about it. Don't get angry or upset, just keep calm and talk. Ask her if she wants to make this work. Expect a yes or no answer. It shouldn't be difficult for her to say yes. If she hesitates, she's not in for it as much as you are.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - Conception - 01-08-2012
(01-08-2012, 09:15 AM)Cykn Wrote: She probably has different ways of showing her love. You probably need her to express it verbally, but for whatever reason, that doesn't make her comfortable. Some people are like that, but I'm sure she frequently shows her love in other ways.
Just talk to her about it. Don't get angry or upset, just keep calm and talk. Ask her if she wants to make this work. Expect a yes or no answer. It shouldn't be difficult for her to say yes. If she hesitates, she's not in for it as much as you are.
I can't get her to express anything to be. The only time she willingly gets close and open with me is when she's drunk.
And I can't talk to her about it. I've tried. And I pretty much did ask for a yes or no answer from her, and she pretty much said no. But I can't go by that answer because it's unreliable because she was mad, and when people are mad they don't mean what they say.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - SoulCake. - 01-08-2012
(01-08-2012, 10:46 AM)Conception Wrote: I can't get her to express anything to be. The only time she willingly gets close and open with me is when she's drunk.
What I'm saying is she probably doesn't express it verbally. Everyone shows their love in different ways. If she does nothing to show her love, then that doesn't sound like much of a relationship.
(01-08-2012, 10:46 AM)Conception Wrote: And I can't talk to her about it. I've tried. And I pretty much did ask for a yes or no answer from her, and she pretty much said no. But I can't go by that answer because it's unreliable because she was mad, and when people are mad they don't mean what they say.
That's why I said to talk when neither of you is upset.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - Conception - 01-08-2012
Well I portrayed the situation I'm in. We're not talking and it's pretty much me trying to wait for her to crack. I need her to crack for me.
As far as her showing love, she doesn't. But she has before, so she's not like incapable. We've had periods where I felt really close to her and she felt close to me, like we were actually in love, and I'm not sure why it stopped. I know she is reluctant to become "attached" to me because she feels that's how people get hurt, but in reality I wouldn't hurt her like that. I'm too attached to her anyway.
I just really want her to see that I'm just here waiting. But I can't make her come to me or to realize what I'm going through without her. She doesn't even know what I'm doing now. She could assume that I'm out trying to forget about her in the meantime, but I'm not. I'm literally laying here waiting for her. And since she's mad, if I even told her this she wouldn't realize the desperation, she wouldn't even care.
I really want to tell her how I feel, but I'm striking it right now. I've done it in the past and now she probably can't even trust my words anymore, because I say stuff so much. If I go to her, I feel like things won't get fixed. I want to make it so that she realizes the severity of my cause, and comes to me and changes. If I go to her, this will only happen again eventually.
But I do know how she feels. It's not a matter of explaining, I just know that she cares and all. And she has shown it before. I just want that back.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - SoulCake. - 01-08-2012
If you can't even talk to her, and she refuses to contribute at all or even attempt to make things work, can you explain to me why you're with this girl?
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - MineCrack - 01-08-2012
I agree with Cykn, it confuses me why you're still with her. I recommend telling her out of the heart or sending her a long text on how you feel. Explaining how you feel when she tells you these things, and what you like about her. Explain, how you're emotionally attached to her and that you would never hurt her. Mention that she is hurting you, by acting like the way she is right now. All she needs to do is to emotionally trust you. I don't know but she might think you just want to use her, because she's pretty. That's all I can recommend you do, so best of luck!
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - Conception - 01-08-2012
Thanks guys. I didn't come onto a Support Forum to get people to tell me to break up with my girlfriend.
On the other hand, I realized that this relationship isn't mutual. And as hard as it was, it ended.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - Stevo - 01-08-2012
I don't think you are the problem, she is. It is a good thing that you went separate ways.
Like you said, the relationship wasn't mutual and wasn't working. You shouldn't have to suffer when you haven't done anything wrong. Good luck with moving on and keep your chin up.
RE: My Girlfriend Doesn't Show Me How She Feels - SoulCake. - 01-08-2012
(01-08-2012, 06:30 PM)Conception Wrote: Thanks guys. I didn't come onto a Support Forum to get people to tell me to break up with my girlfriend.
On the other hand, I realized that this relationship isn't mutual. And as hard as it was, it ended.
I know it's hard to end a relationship, but it wasn't fair to you to stay in it.
Understand that there's no benefit to holding onto heartache, regret, or hatred toward another person, no matter what happened between the two of you. Although it didn't work this time, there will be a next time.
Most importantly, if you're in a revenge-seeking mood, the best revenge is to live well and be caught doing that every day. Life moves on, with or without you, and I hope you join in.