When someone you care about is going through a hard time, it’s natural to want to help. You might see the sadness in their face, hear the heaviness in their voice, or notice them withdrawing from the things they usually enjoy. And yet, the words “I don’t know what to say” often come to mind.
Being there for a struggling friend doesn’t mean having all the answers. It’s about showing up, listening, and reminding them that they don’t have to carry their pain alone.
Start With Presence, Not Solutions
Most of us instinctively want to fix things for the people we love. But often, what someone really needs isn’t advice — it’s presence. They want to feel heard, not managed.
Sometimes sitting together in silence, sending a short message that says “thinking of you,” or simply giving them a space to talk is more powerful than any solution you could offer.
Listen Without Rushing to Respond
Good listening is harder than it sounds. We often prepare our reply while the other person is still speaking. Instead, give your friend the gift of full attention. Let them finish, pause, and then respond with something simple like, “That sounds really hard.”
Resist the urge to interrupt with your own story right away. There will be time for sharing, but right now, their pain deserves the centre of the conversation.
Validate Their Feelings
One of the most supportive things you can say is, “It makes sense that you feel this way.” People often doubt themselves in tough moments, wondering if they’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” By acknowledging that their feelings are valid, you help them feel grounded.
Offer Gentle Support Instead of Pressure
Phrases like “You just need to cheer up” or “Have you tried…” can feel dismissive, even if meant kindly. Instead, focus on gentle offers:
“I’m here if you want to talk.”
“Would it help if I came over?”
“Do you want me to listen, or would advice be useful right now?”
This gives them choice and respects where they’re at.
Notice the Small Things
Struggling friends may not ask for help directly. Look out for subtle signs: messages left unread, cancelled plans, or shifts in mood. Sometimes a quick check-in like “I noticed you’ve been quiet — how are you doing?” can open a door they didn’t know they could walk through.
Encourage Professional Help if Needed
If your friend’s struggles seem overwhelming or ongoing, encourage them gently to consider professional support. You don’t need to diagnose or push. A simple, “Have you thought about talking to someone who could support you through this?” shows care without judgment.
Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting a struggling friend can take a toll on your own emotions. It’s important to set boundaries and remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Allow yourself space to rest, lean on others when you need to, and recognise that you can care deeply without carrying all of their pain yourself.
Final Thought
Being there for a friend who’s struggling isn’t about grand gestures. It’s the small, steady reminders that they are not alone: the listening ear, the patient silence, the simple “I care about you.”
You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to solve their problems. What matters most is that your friend knows they have someone who will walk beside them, no matter how rough the path feels right now.