04-25-2006, 06:40 AM
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"
Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.
Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10."
"Is that so! How?"
He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer which were dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.
"Just a minute!" I said. 'Those aren't fat free."
"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes.... The fat is free!"
Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco.
It had been burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.
Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the dogs he could see were Pekingese.
"Excuse me", Sam said to the manager, "But the sign outside says you sell guard dogs. Where are they?"
The manager, an elderly Chinese, replied, "Oh, but these are highly trained guard dogs. They all know karate."
"Karate! No way."
"I'll show you", said the shop owner. He took one of the Pekingese out to the backyard and put it in front of a brick.
The dog stood absolutely still. The shopkeeper gave a command, "Karate! Brick!"
And with complete astonishment, Sam saw the little dog perform a perfect karate chop, splitting the brick in half. Totally amazed, he bought the dog. Back at his own store, he showed the guard dog Pekingese to George, who thought he was completely mad and told him to return the Pekingese immediately.
"But, he is a trained guard dog."
"Yeah, sure!"
Sam put the Pekingese on the floor and said, "He knows karate!!"
With a sneer George retorted, "Karate! My Foot!"
From
My Little Sister's Clean Jokes
-Beta
Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.
Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10."
"Is that so! How?"
He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer which were dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.
"Just a minute!" I said. 'Those aren't fat free."
"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes.... The fat is free!"
Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco.
It had been burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.
Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the dogs he could see were Pekingese.
"Excuse me", Sam said to the manager, "But the sign outside says you sell guard dogs. Where are they?"
The manager, an elderly Chinese, replied, "Oh, but these are highly trained guard dogs. They all know karate."
"Karate! No way."
"I'll show you", said the shop owner. He took one of the Pekingese out to the backyard and put it in front of a brick.
The dog stood absolutely still. The shopkeeper gave a command, "Karate! Brick!"
And with complete astonishment, Sam saw the little dog perform a perfect karate chop, splitting the brick in half. Totally amazed, he bought the dog. Back at his own store, he showed the guard dog Pekingese to George, who thought he was completely mad and told him to return the Pekingese immediately.
"But, he is a trained guard dog."
"Yeah, sure!"
Sam put the Pekingese on the floor and said, "He knows karate!!"
With a sneer George retorted, "Karate! My Foot!"
From
My Little Sister's Clean Jokes
-Beta