Just been chatting to my neighbours teenage daughter and it turns out she's big into UFOs and aliens.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
That's my personal favorite one at the moment ^__^
Hi my Bro, Now this thread I may have some fun with so here goes.
Have you herd of the joke about the three mice who are trying to prove who is the toughest???
mouse one says I'm so tough I eat rat poison for breakfast
mouse two & three say wow that is pretty tough dude
mouse two says I'm so tough, when I take cheese from a mouse trap & the bar slams down on my neck I roll over & benchpress the bar 50 times & walk away laughing
mouse three shakes his head in disscust & says you two are whimps I'm going to go & f@ck the cat again....
here's another quick one
why do farts smell???
so deaf people can enjoy them aswell
hope you like these one's
B@nNeD
I just thought of another one,
What's got two thumbs & enjoy's getting it's penis sucked
Answer= Me
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
-Nail its other hand to the floor.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
-A baby with a punctured lung.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
-Threesomes.
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
-A watermelon floats.
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
You know you're a redneck jedi when..
You hear "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it. After they rub it a genie pops out and says each one has one wish.
The first man wishes he was at home making love to his wife. POOF, he's gone
The second man wishes that he was at his favorite strip club, drinking a beer with his friends. POOF, he's gone.
The third man doesn't know what to do, so he thinks for a minute and says, "hmm, you know i really wish those two were back here to help me make my descision."
I like the jedi redneck one nice joke Grizzly haha.
Ok what's red & stands infront of a mirror screaming at it's-self & gets smaller n smaller
Answer= A crack addict brushing their hair with a potato peeler
B@nNeD