01-25-2013, 05:56 AM
Hi,
I registered myself on this forum as a way to be able to say something I really need to say and looks like nobody really cares.
I'll tell the story.
I'm a 27 years old man, have a good job that I love, married with an awesome girl which has been the reason of my happiness and my darkness.
We are an awesome couple, everybody says and sees that, and actually, it's true, we get along pretty well, except for one thing, I'm a very freakin jealous person.
My wife has some friends in common with her ex boyfriend and it makes me very upset, uncomfortable and we have frequent discussions about it.
Not only it, but also, I'm a very reserved person, and I don't like people talking about me or even knowing about my personal life. This makes me angry and upset. I don't like people talking about what I do in my personal life, about my sexual life, well, anything that looks too personal (mainly my sexual life), and, my wife use to talk more than she should about it for others, which makes me very upset.
It's amazing, looks like how much more we hate something, more present in your life these things are.
Very often I heard the name of her ex boyfriend, of find old pictures/old stuff from him and every time I ask myself how worth is to continue with this relationship, but, although all those and many other things happening, I really love her and I know she really loves me. Nobody can look to us and say the opposite. When these stuff do not bother us, we are very happy.
One day (2/3 months ago), her aunt called my by mistake, by her ex-boyfriend's name. This really screwed up with my mind, and although I know she didn't it to be cruel, I can't look on the aunt's face and don't remember it and be willing to knock in her face (Ok, I'm not a violent person and would never hurt anybody, but it doesn't mean I don't feel to :). I can't even look to her friends or even hang out with them because their relationship with my wife's ex-boyfriend. Mainly after knowing that his (my wife's ex-boyfriend), dated 3 girls of this friendship circle, and this makes a mess with my mind.
We (my wife and me) are having a hard week now, and I'm almost about to throw everything away. This week I found on her cellphone some pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend, which were uploaded to picasa, this fudged with my mind and my feelings. A friend of her died on a car accident, and we have a big discussion because a doctor appointment she had yesterday.
Her doctor use to ask her about our sexual relationship, but ok, he is her doctor and it's his job to keep my wife healthy. But, she said me that he asked this in a disgusting way, something like: "Hey, are you freakin a lot these days?", my first feeling was to say to his doctor: "Hey, would you ask this to your mother in this way too? Please, keep yourself on a respect line". But well, I didn't, and didn't even say to my wife that I was upset about it. But she noticed my face and my mood changed and kept asking why. I tried to just move on, but I couldn't and decided to have a talk with her about it, in a peaceful way.
Things like that are very delicate matter to talk about and I spend a lot of time spinning around words to say that. Well, I finally talked how I was feeling and why, explaining that I got constrained talking about stuff like that. When I finished to talk, she looked me with a face almost saying "you're so stupid and ridiculous" and said "all this thing to say me that?". Well, I couldn't bear that face, looking me on that way, and I left the room, feeling myself the worst person of the world, ridiculous, stupid, disgusting.
I remembered one day, when we still dating and she was going to tell me something very important and delicate to her, she spun around words for almost one hour to tell me that he has an aesthetic problem that bothered her a lot, a problem that I haven't even noticed before she told me about. And after she said that, the first thing I said to here was: "Will you marry me?" And she started to cry.
This story came to my mind on the yesterday's situation and I was wondering myself, after she looked me as if I were so stupid, if was me that had looked her that way, in that situation.
I'm tired of this situation, but, in depth, I'm tired of myself, because, even if I end with this relationship, I'll find myself in the same situation on another relationship, so, I won't to blame anybody about it. I'm sad remembering the face of my wife looking at me, this is the worst part, because this is the only part I truly believe to not be my fault. I just tried to chat with her about one very delicate thing that use to make myself upset that is exclusively my fault to not accept some things, but I believe I was expecting some support there, not a horrible face looking at me. So, I'm tired, tired of me, tired to behave this way, to feeling sad when any of these situations happens, to not being able to properly work, to no being even able to sleep well.
I'm just tired.
I registered myself on this forum as a way to be able to say something I really need to say and looks like nobody really cares.
I'll tell the story.
I'm a 27 years old man, have a good job that I love, married with an awesome girl which has been the reason of my happiness and my darkness.
We are an awesome couple, everybody says and sees that, and actually, it's true, we get along pretty well, except for one thing, I'm a very freakin jealous person.
My wife has some friends in common with her ex boyfriend and it makes me very upset, uncomfortable and we have frequent discussions about it.
Not only it, but also, I'm a very reserved person, and I don't like people talking about me or even knowing about my personal life. This makes me angry and upset. I don't like people talking about what I do in my personal life, about my sexual life, well, anything that looks too personal (mainly my sexual life), and, my wife use to talk more than she should about it for others, which makes me very upset.
It's amazing, looks like how much more we hate something, more present in your life these things are.
Very often I heard the name of her ex boyfriend, of find old pictures/old stuff from him and every time I ask myself how worth is to continue with this relationship, but, although all those and many other things happening, I really love her and I know she really loves me. Nobody can look to us and say the opposite. When these stuff do not bother us, we are very happy.
One day (2/3 months ago), her aunt called my by mistake, by her ex-boyfriend's name. This really screwed up with my mind, and although I know she didn't it to be cruel, I can't look on the aunt's face and don't remember it and be willing to knock in her face (Ok, I'm not a violent person and would never hurt anybody, but it doesn't mean I don't feel to :). I can't even look to her friends or even hang out with them because their relationship with my wife's ex-boyfriend. Mainly after knowing that his (my wife's ex-boyfriend), dated 3 girls of this friendship circle, and this makes a mess with my mind.
We (my wife and me) are having a hard week now, and I'm almost about to throw everything away. This week I found on her cellphone some pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend, which were uploaded to picasa, this fudged with my mind and my feelings. A friend of her died on a car accident, and we have a big discussion because a doctor appointment she had yesterday.
Her doctor use to ask her about our sexual relationship, but ok, he is her doctor and it's his job to keep my wife healthy. But, she said me that he asked this in a disgusting way, something like: "Hey, are you freakin a lot these days?", my first feeling was to say to his doctor: "Hey, would you ask this to your mother in this way too? Please, keep yourself on a respect line". But well, I didn't, and didn't even say to my wife that I was upset about it. But she noticed my face and my mood changed and kept asking why. I tried to just move on, but I couldn't and decided to have a talk with her about it, in a peaceful way.
Things like that are very delicate matter to talk about and I spend a lot of time spinning around words to say that. Well, I finally talked how I was feeling and why, explaining that I got constrained talking about stuff like that. When I finished to talk, she looked me with a face almost saying "you're so stupid and ridiculous" and said "all this thing to say me that?". Well, I couldn't bear that face, looking me on that way, and I left the room, feeling myself the worst person of the world, ridiculous, stupid, disgusting.
I remembered one day, when we still dating and she was going to tell me something very important and delicate to her, she spun around words for almost one hour to tell me that he has an aesthetic problem that bothered her a lot, a problem that I haven't even noticed before she told me about. And after she said that, the first thing I said to here was: "Will you marry me?" And she started to cry.
This story came to my mind on the yesterday's situation and I was wondering myself, after she looked me as if I were so stupid, if was me that had looked her that way, in that situation.
I'm tired of this situation, but, in depth, I'm tired of myself, because, even if I end with this relationship, I'll find myself in the same situation on another relationship, so, I won't to blame anybody about it. I'm sad remembering the face of my wife looking at me, this is the worst part, because this is the only part I truly believe to not be my fault. I just tried to chat with her about one very delicate thing that use to make myself upset that is exclusively my fault to not accept some things, but I believe I was expecting some support there, not a horrible face looking at me. So, I'm tired, tired of me, tired to behave this way, to feeling sad when any of these situations happens, to not being able to properly work, to no being even able to sleep well.
I'm just tired.