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Hi there all am new to this , basically am going through something at the moment that is really affecting me , which probably it shouldn't. Were to start ... well 3 years ago i met someone online and we started dating, it was good and everything until basically i lied about little things to him to which he found out and really got to him , then after 4 months there abouts we split up. this crushed me because it was in my eyes serious ( i didnt know he had previous relationships that had ended , apparently never had one more than a few months).

Anyway time went on and we started talking again as friends and then things progressed a little further into friends with benefits , it was going good except we did use to argue a lot over little things ( trivial things as he put them) time went on and i sort of still had feelings for him and it turned out that he ended up getting with someone else and stopped talking to me at one point , i dont know what happened but a few weeks/months went on and he ended up splitting with his new partner at the time , in this time frame i was emailing him but getting no reply , he deleted me from facebook and blocked me on msn. But after a while he did get back in touch and well things started up between us again (friends with benefits) , by this time the feelings i had for him were purely platonic and we both agreed to tell each other if we would get with someone else or meet someone, in february 2011 we got back together properly in a relationship which didnt last long due to a jealous friend of mine that emailed him and basically blackened my name to him , we eventually split up again and i contacted him to apologise for the things he got told obviously he never believed me totally because i'd lied to him in the past , i apologised till i was blue in the face near enough , then a few days later after it all i called him and he answered and i went to see him to talk about things , our friendship got mended and we ended up back as friends with benefits .. months went by we had arguements as usual but always made up then in december 2011 he was moving flats to which i found out that he slepy with someone else behind my back kind of because he didnt use his rule of telling me , anyway i totally gave him both barrels for it and he apologised i ended up going to a free clinic to get tested etc which was all clear anyway after that i went back to him , i guess because i still cared and care for him , then it was coming up to christmas and well he said to me that he didnt want to see me over new years because it was still all up in the air .
anyway new years rolled round and i called him new years after midnight to wish him happy new year , he said he was bored so thought id surprise him by going round well got to his place and well as i approached the door i heard him having $*! , i came away and i let 2 weeks pass before i confronted him about it and well things went back up in the air , my birthday rolled round and he asked me to go round which i did and we talked and got things out in the open i told him i would step back and let him move on and just remain a friend going to see him now and again but he didnt like that he wanted me to carry on staying over and what not but still wanted to find somone new , we came to an agreement kind of but it didnt last very long anyway few months rolled by and then we come to july 2012 on a saturday night where he asked me round so i went and it was ok until we had a disagreement over something and then deja vu of 2009 were he said he just wanted to remain friends without the benefits to which i had some objection but kind of agreed to , we had a conversation and i left emotionally upset by what he'd said that he didnt want to hurt me etc , looking back i dont know why i cried anyway i came back earliy hours sunday morning afterward and left him an offline message apologising if id caused him any grief or pain in the time id known him to which he replied by saying " nothing to be sorry for , im 100% sure i'll see you again before too long" , i didnt talk to him that sunday night , didnt think nothing of it and then monday rolled round and it was about 10pm which is late for him to pop online he usually come on earlier , i approached him on facebook , he added a girl before this and i asked if he was okay and he said he was i asked didnt he want to talk and he said no not really sorry i was dumbfounded why and he was a bit hostile toward me , i then said i needed to collect a few things i'd left there and he said did i want to go get them i said if he wasn't busy he said i could go and he said he didnt want to talk , he would come down to give me my stuff and that would be it.

I spoke to my housemate and told him i was going there to which he replied he would come with me i told him not to but he was adamant and came anyway , we got to my friends flat and true to his word he came donw and gave me my stuff but one thing was missing and i asked were it was and he said to me dont start this if you want it ring the police and see what happens , he walked away and i couldn't really say much after that , i walked over to my housemate and said he wouldn't give me the item that was missing which got my housemate angry , my friend returned to find me and my housemate standing there and he wasnt impressed , my friend squared upto my housemate and well i thought they were going to fight , my friend was annoyed and denied he had anymore stuff of mine , he then said to me and my housemate wait there and i'll got get it , we stood there for about 40 mins and he never came down i phoned my friend and well he was furious said he never speak to me again after that . I was upset because i didnt want things to get out of hand, i txt my friend to apologise for how it escalated over the phone , my friend said it was okay and it was forgotten , i said i really do just want to be his friend and move on to which he replied ok we'll be friend but it'll be a long while before i talk to you again , this upset me more. I got home to find he had deleted me and blocked me off facebook which he said he did , then the day after found out he was now with this girl he added the day before :S .

Couple of days went by and i just txt him friendly to say there was a documentary on the tv he might like , then i called him the sunday to see if he wanted anything from the town centre as i was going , he replied he didnt want anything and hung up, 2 days later i emailed him like an idiot then after that i left it , and now we are on to monday just gone as advised by a friend of mine to call him and just speak to him nothing heavy , i called him he answered and i said it was me how was he he said ok and asked me what was up to which i replied nothing i was just calling to see how he was cos itd been a while , i went to further the conversation but he hung up , i told my friend and she said that i should immediately call him back ( which i didnt want to) to find out why he hung up she bugged me for hours to do it and then eventually her bugging got to me i phoned him back later in the evening , he answered heard it was me .. hung up... , i was then sitting there going over and over in my mind what had happened to which then i got up the courage hours later to email him and apologise and explain all i want it to be purely friends which he probably never got .

But now im sitting here thinking that he wont talk to me ever again which i dont want , regardless of anything i do still care for him and i do class him as a friend, i have been advised to just leave him alone and let him come to me after the email i sent , but its hard to just sit back and not think over and over , i didnt want this to be a novel but to get help i guess you need to know the full story.

Sorry for all the babble
any advice would be gratefully recieved
thanks