I made my first rap a while ago when I broke up with a girlfriend that dumped me for her stinking drug addict, alchoholic, fat agressive ex-convict of an ex. Whereas I treated her like a princess, I had a steady job and good income, I loved her, Her family loved me and we went through so much together.
http://yousub.webs.com/loverap.txt
You should rap it, so we can feel it. I have no emotion whatsoever from read it.
Yeah. Rap it man. Let me hear that.
It's very mediocre. It is incredibly easy to rhyme and keep syllables relatively identical.
What separates okay rappers from great rappers is the creativity such as the play on words, fitting many syllables into a bar properly, and delivery is one of the biggest things. You have no delivery since it is just text.
(01-13-2012, 01:14 PM)Laugh Wrote: [ -> ]What separates okay rappers from great rappers is the creativity such as the play on words, fitting many syllables into a bar properly, and delivery is one of the biggest things. You have no delivery since it is just text.
Like Big L, this lyric blew my mind:
Quote:im far from broke- got enough bread
and mad hoes- ask beavis, i get nothing but head
It sounds better when he raps it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToTRFS-6eUs&t=1m25s
Great post, Laugh. ;)
There are specific parts that I like, and some that I do not. Would you be up for a little bit of constructive criticism?
Overall, great job though.
I could rap this for you if my english wouldn't suck;)
-mybboss
I love the lyrics. Rapping it puts more of a vibe and emotion out to the listeners.