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hey everyone!! i don't know why i feel scared at times- a slight fear . There's this frnd or rather class mate of mine. i am a kind of girl who doesn't like to throw nasty comments towards anyone coz i don't like to be the target of those myself & 2ndly, i can't form nasty & vague comments however hard i try.confrontation is my style but in my class things don't work out this way.
this "frnd" of mine, even though i don't say anything to her, rather i try to avoid her- but she still manages to throw a few comments my way. I don't want to spoil the friendly atmosphere so i don't say anything back bcoz if i do retaliate, it wud be one heated reaction as i can't smile & laugh as i say things that cut & burn & surely not to ppl who are my frnds.
i feel hurt & angry that when i am keeping my mouth shut then why doesn't she. My other frnds find her comments for me normal but when i joked with her once (& it was a joke in all honesty my friends), she retaliated rather nastly.What the hell is her problem?what should i do?
Should i be a sport & take her comments in jest? She says she is joking but if she is then why does she get offended when i do in return & i don't even say anything offending to her. i don't want to fight but i can't take anymore of her bizarre behaviour.help me friends. tell me what to do.i want to have a peaceful life.

What did you say to her as a joke?

If your friend makes jokes about you, they are not your friend. Unless she means it in the most friendly way possible. If she doesn't, the next time she talks bad about you, tell her to shut the hell up and move on. Don't keep any anger inside, it will destroy you.

(06-24-2011, 05:03 AM)SickmyDuck™ Wrote: [ -> ]What did you say to her as a joke?

actually she is quite friendly with a guy in our class.Its is a common joke in our frnds circle.We tease her sometimes abt it. that day she got a call from that guy.she talked to him & then she cut her call.she was pretty happy. After 20 minutes i teasingly said "it was him wasn't he.you got a call from him.Hmmm...someone is pretty happy".

She said" everytime i get a call , it doesn't have to be him.And i don't have a dirty mind & thoughts"
I was like completely shocked.even my friends were stumped too. An hour earlier than this incident, she was teasing me about some guy in our class & i was taking it sportingly & laughing it off.
The way she said "i don't have a dirty mind & thoughts", i felt like slapping her. I mean if she can't take a joke, why does she crack one on others.at that time i kept quiet as all my other friends were there & i didn't want them to have a bad impression of me that i screamed or am a person who fights or anything like that.
But to be honest since that day , i have been quite afraid to say anything to her ,even joke coz sometimes she laughs & sometimes she retaliates like this.In a pretty bad tone.
And i am better than her in everything- xtracurricular activities , you name it, everything but she still scares me.
I think a lot before i say anything to her. I have to work up a lot of courage to even joke with her. She still jokes on me but i am so fearful that she will talk to me in the same tone like she did that day that i can't even say anything back to her even if i find her comments & jokes not quite funny.

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Since that day , i am actually quite afraid to say anything back to her even when she cracks jokes on me. I fear that she will talk to me in the same tone as she did that day & i again won't be able to say anything back.when i have tried to set up a light banter with her, she had reacted in the same way.
I am not a coward but this behave of mine is even surprising to me. I am not a timid person but somehow a fear has embedded itself in me that if i say anything back to her , i might spoil my image infront of other friends of mine.
This girl is fine when others crack such jokes on her but she behaves like this with me. I hate this feeling of fear, of bowing down you can say that .
I am not at all a timid person but a fear has grown inside me & i find myself unable to retaliate coz i am in a dilemma that maybe she is joking & i am thinking to much & being too sensitive But if this is so why her behave is normal with others on the same issue?I sometimes feel she thinks i won't say anything back & says it to me.
this girl a.k.a frnd can't talk back to others ppl but she literally talks to me in a bad tone . what the hell is her problem man???she is spoiling my peace of mind.

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(06-24-2011, 05:35 AM)Kuroi Wrote: [ -> ]If your friend makes jokes about you, they are not your friend. Unless she means it in the most friendly way possible. If she doesn't, the next time she talks bad about you, tell her to shut the hell up and move on. Don't keep any anger inside, it will destroy you.

thanks for your advice & time

any more advices?? I REALLY NEED it so PLEASE come forward & HELP ME!!!

Just tell her it that it bothers you that she's saying those things and don't respond to her with cuss words or "jokes." It'll just make things worse, and if you still want to be friends, like I said before, talk to her about and tell her to tell you why she's doing what she's doing.

(06-25-2011, 04:01 PM)SickmyDuck™ Wrote: [ -> ]Just tell her it that it bothers you that she's saying those things and don't respond to her with cuss words or "jokes." It'll just make things worse, and if you still want to be friends, like I said before, talk to her about and tell her to tell you why she's doing what she's doing.

thanks for ur advice.i really appreciate it.

(06-26-2011, 04:37 AM)Guest Wrote: [ -> ]thanks for ur advice.i really appreciate it.

No problem. It's what we're here for .