06-21-2011, 07:27 AM
Hey Support Forums, this was a piece I wrote during my INT2 English course at school. This was written entirely by my self, no help from my teacher or any other pupil. I'm simply looking for some good+honest C&C on what you guys think of the piece.
Once again, the light flickers in amongst all the windows in the world. He did not want her to leave. Not like this, but his want was not enough to save her. As he lay there on his bed that night, all that could come to his mind is how this could possibly happen. She was the most cheerful person in the world, no one meant this much to him before. Now with her gone… is there any point of living? Then again, as time moves on. So should he.
The unpleasant smell of anti-bacterial soap and the dreary safety poster’s plotted around the waiting room made the feeling worse. Sitting there for hours on end, he realized that what if she doesn’t make it. What if it all goes wrong and this fight was for nothing. Towards the end of his stay, tom fell asleep he gladly welcomed its quiet surreal state to end the perpetual screams of the other patients. As time swiftly moved on, the deep gritty voice awoken tom as he lay sleeping in the waiting room. He was e crushing words were heard: “I’m sorry tom, we did all we can” quiet, secluded tears silently weeping from his eyes, he left.
Tom can’t recall much about leaving the hospital. Doctors and nurses flew past him in all directions, but were unnoticed on account of his daze. He can only remember the tears that splashed haphazardly on his shirt and cheeks, and as the taste of sorrow rained down his face. The station lay empty almost silent but for the never ending whistle of the watchman alone cold and destitute, tom waited. As he boarded the train, and the ticket man pondered down the aisle. All that could come to mind as she never had her ticket ready. She just sat there with her feet up, relaxed.
With each day that passed his mind became increasingly devoted to the fact his dear beloved had gone. Blaming himself how he let it happen, he could have prevented it.
Toms antic disposition grew as the days went by; He would wake up and make breakfast for the two of them, not knowing… She will never come back. His mind thought otherwise he came to the conclusion that she would come back, one day. He didn’t know how nor’ when, but she will come back.
Tom sat in deep silence, still living in the memory of his lover. To Tom, the simplest of tasks became a heavy burden. Time would be very much occupied of sitting in his bedroom, looking at the picture of them on their wedding day.
Tom began to hate himself every time he saw his pasty reflection in the mirror he wanted to smash it to pieces he would starve himself and save himself just before death only to do it again like a never ending torture. He would cause himself harm, doing the simplest things such as scraping his knuckles against a stone wall, till he could take it no more.
As his of self-hate worsened over the course of time, the hallucinations of his deceased lover became stronger to the point of it becoming dangerous to be around him. All that occupied his nights were trying to drink away his destituteness, as he sat on his damp, molding couch and a bottle of turps’ he was just trying to push himself over the edge of life.
So the next day, he woke up and she was there lying next to him. Like it was a dream, he reached out and tried to cuddle her, but to his shock that she hugs back they just lie there hugging and laughing and have a great time but then his dream comes to an end, and he wakes up in the mental hospital after throwing hurdling himself from a bridge.
Suddenly like the traffic he once threw himself into he realizes that, the light that was once his. Has now gone forever.
-Barneyyz™
A Light In The Window
Once again, the light flickers in amongst all the windows in the world. He did not want her to leave. Not like this, but his want was not enough to save her. As he lay there on his bed that night, all that could come to his mind is how this could possibly happen. She was the most cheerful person in the world, no one meant this much to him before. Now with her gone… is there any point of living? Then again, as time moves on. So should he.
The unpleasant smell of anti-bacterial soap and the dreary safety poster’s plotted around the waiting room made the feeling worse. Sitting there for hours on end, he realized that what if she doesn’t make it. What if it all goes wrong and this fight was for nothing. Towards the end of his stay, tom fell asleep he gladly welcomed its quiet surreal state to end the perpetual screams of the other patients. As time swiftly moved on, the deep gritty voice awoken tom as he lay sleeping in the waiting room. He was e crushing words were heard: “I’m sorry tom, we did all we can” quiet, secluded tears silently weeping from his eyes, he left.
Tom can’t recall much about leaving the hospital. Doctors and nurses flew past him in all directions, but were unnoticed on account of his daze. He can only remember the tears that splashed haphazardly on his shirt and cheeks, and as the taste of sorrow rained down his face. The station lay empty almost silent but for the never ending whistle of the watchman alone cold and destitute, tom waited. As he boarded the train, and the ticket man pondered down the aisle. All that could come to mind as she never had her ticket ready. She just sat there with her feet up, relaxed.
With each day that passed his mind became increasingly devoted to the fact his dear beloved had gone. Blaming himself how he let it happen, he could have prevented it.
Toms antic disposition grew as the days went by; He would wake up and make breakfast for the two of them, not knowing… She will never come back. His mind thought otherwise he came to the conclusion that she would come back, one day. He didn’t know how nor’ when, but she will come back.
Tom sat in deep silence, still living in the memory of his lover. To Tom, the simplest of tasks became a heavy burden. Time would be very much occupied of sitting in his bedroom, looking at the picture of them on their wedding day.
Tom began to hate himself every time he saw his pasty reflection in the mirror he wanted to smash it to pieces he would starve himself and save himself just before death only to do it again like a never ending torture. He would cause himself harm, doing the simplest things such as scraping his knuckles against a stone wall, till he could take it no more.
As his of self-hate worsened over the course of time, the hallucinations of his deceased lover became stronger to the point of it becoming dangerous to be around him. All that occupied his nights were trying to drink away his destituteness, as he sat on his damp, molding couch and a bottle of turps’ he was just trying to push himself over the edge of life.
So the next day, he woke up and she was there lying next to him. Like it was a dream, he reached out and tried to cuddle her, but to his shock that she hugs back they just lie there hugging and laughing and have a great time but then his dream comes to an end, and he wakes up in the mental hospital after throwing hurdling himself from a bridge.
Suddenly like the traffic he once threw himself into he realizes that, the light that was once his. Has now gone forever.
[The End]
-Barneyyz™
