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A single fleeting thought, and my heart stops
A fading memory, but it never fades
Your silken hair flowing down in braided locks
But the picture isnt as perfect as the real thing
My soul aches with the desire to pick up the phone
Dial your number quick and this song I'll sing
But my head halts my unbridled heart
Saying what if its not meant to be.

If we're not meant to be together
then what is right in this world?
If we cant see each other,
then why do I care at all?
Its because I love you
Its that simple
It isnt some two page formula written
Or an equation carved in stone long ago
Its a passion, emotion, locked with sensless devotion,
Over dosed with love potion with a sprinkle of deep ocean.
Dipped in a mixture of fire and soul.

In retrospect, had I told
you my feelings earlier,
Our story could have unfurled
My pained heart would unfold
But till then I'll sit in this in this cosy chair,
Saying what if its not meant to be
If we're not meant to be together
then what is right in this world?
If we cant see each other,
then why do I care at all?


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Author's Notes: The rhyming is a bit toned down in this poem. So I urge you to open up a bit when you read it.
Also, on suggestion of a friend of mine, I decided to write this poem in stanzas. They're not evenly spaced as I'm not used to it. I may or may not use this style of composition again.
What is your opinion? =)

I think if your gonna rhyme at all? Make it rhyme in a sequence. Also needs a little metaphor help. I like the feel and the reality of it. It's a poem most can connect with from prior life exp. keep up the good work.

(04-26-2011, 10:29 AM)ImFocuzz Wrote: [ -> ]I think if your gonna rhyme at all? Make it rhyme in a sequence. Also needs a little metaphor help. I like the feel and the reality of it. It's a poem most can connect with from prior life exp. keep up the good work.

This is the first poem I wrote without a rhyme sequence. As in little to none rhyming at all. My other works have a lot of sequential rhyming in them.
Metaphors...
I guess I got a wee bit carried away lol

Thanks for the positive criticism. =)

I like you writing in stanzas. Don't worry about differing length in regards to the amount of lines in a stanza, especially if it's free-verse.

I enjoyed this and I hope to read more of your pieces in the future. Thanks for posting this. It was a pleasure!

(04-26-2011, 09:24 PM)Ambition Wrote: [ -> ]I like you writing in stanzas. Don't worry about differing length in regards to the amount of lines in a stanza, especially if it's free-verse.

I enjoyed this and I hope to read more of your pieces in the future. Thanks for posting this. It was a pleasure!

Thank you ^_^
Your comments literally make my day.