I have a friends she is my ex, who broke up with me under peer pressure. She has no confindence, and no life. She goes to school and then home. Thats it usually. Anyone have any new ideas on building up up on her? I'm against the wall helping someone for the first times in months.
Well, the problem with your ex is that she has a dependent personality, I have a friend like that also, I told her upfront that she needs to pick herself up and go, but to no avail. Most dependents are unable to change since their level of self-determination is very low along with low self-esteem. If you want to help her out of her slump, try casually talking to her from time to time in person in short instances so that her friends don't convince you that you're a bad guy.
I'd have to agree with the above user. It seems as though this person is just naturally shy and has a somewhat low persona when it comes to self confidence. The best thing, in my opinion, would be to do your best to bring out her positives rather than her shyness. To do this, try working in an environment in which she's comfortable. Start off by talking to her regularly, ask if she's got MSN and talk to her on that. Find out her interests and hang out with her at school.
I'd also suggest introducing her to some of your friends and inviting her into group discussions. Small things like group conversations on MSN will make a great difference, so don't forget to invite her. I'd also recommend seeing if she wants to hang out on the weekend - this will allow her to get a taste of the normal social life out of school. Invite her to the movies with some of your friends - it shouldn't be that difficult. If you really want to help this person find her confidence, you're going to have to put a fair bit of effort in. I wish you all the best.
Its induced she wasn't always quiet. She was quite a... well hyper wild child. After effect, she just always depressed she wants to get back together, and she wants to deal with her friends, who are really (sorry for the language but no decent word can explain on of them) bitchy and controlling. Both suggested to break up with me, and she didn't want to but when she told me she had to, i kinda fed that fire saying best friends are more important then boyfriends. Her parents don't let her go out or anything. Its really saddening.
(10-20-2009, 01:12 PM)Tm0 Wrote: [ -> ]Its induced she wasn't always quiet. She was quite a... well hyper wild child. After effect, she just always depressed she wants to get back together, and she wants to deal with her friends, who are really (sorry for the language but no decent word can explain on of them) bitchy and controlling. Both suggested to break up with me, and she didn't want to but when she told me she had to, i kinda fed that fire saying best friends are more important then boyfriends. Her parents don't let her go out or anything. Its really saddening.
Well, unfortunately, the sad reality is she can't break out of that control. If her will was strong enough, then she should have told her bestfriends off and went with you OR resolved that her bestfriends don't like you but they can't do anything about it since it's HER life and HER decision. If the above is now the case, then there really isn't much you can do about it. I suggest you move on and not think of it much, for it will drain you of your time and energy that you can invest in more fruitful ventures IMO.
I'm like that. I'm a pain leecher, its quiete disgusting to be honest, but i can't really let someone out until i feel they are entirely fine. Then really they start hating me, odd how it works.
Someone must have an idea. I haven't ever faced anyone with this much pessimism and low self judgement.
Well the problem can be solved in simple ways.
Firstly have the friendship with her again.Then tell her about you..about your felling towards her.Then you must show that how must you love her...you can show this by giving her presents....or do some think dangerous as..hurting yourself,cutting nerves of your hand.
And then propose her.
And that'a all.
You sir are a rarity amongst the multitude. I am sympathetically obligated to share my experiences with this beautiful yet superficially atrocious process. Most people who experience low self-esteem are generally unable to function either emotionally, physically, spiritually, generating a normal state of homeostasis. Most cases this is due to severe trauma, but can be borne through many other abnormalities (abnormalities in family life these days is rapidly becoming a consistency), but generally what the person needs is a dedicated, perpetually-loving friend or any one-on-one relationship. Assuming that the person is a lazy fudge, you need to burn them hard. Flame them all to hell and back; but the toughest part is differentiating between indolence and sincerity of issue.
BTW, whats up S0rath?
(10-23-2009, 03:21 AM)Akshay* Wrote: [ -> ]Well the problem can be solved in simple ways.
Firstly have the friendship with her again.Then tell her about you..about your felling towards her.Then you must show that how must you love her...you can show this by giving her presents....or do some think dangerous as..hurting yourself,cutting nerves of your hand.
And then propose her.
And that'a all.
We are. And we are sorta dating, but she still just can't feel the power too.
(10-23-2009, 04:04 AM)Аноним Интерфейс Wrote: [ -> ]You sir are a rarity amongst the multitude. I am sympathetically obligated to share my experiences with this beautiful yet superficially atrocious process. Most people who experience low self-esteem are generally unable to function either emotionally, physically, spiritually, generating a normal state of homeostasis. Most cases this is due to severe trauma, but can be borne through many other abnormalities (abnormalities in family life these days is rapidly becoming a consistency), but generally what the person needs is a dedicated, perpetually-loving friend or any one-on-one relationship. Assuming that the person is a lazy fudge, you need to burn them hard. Flame them all to hell and back; but the toughest part is differentiating between indolence and sincerity of issue.
BTW, whats up S0rath?
You know her a little to well Sir, and thank your for at least saying i am not average. I actually apprieacate it. But will pushing her that hard just make her brake? Because that what worries me. I don't want to force her against her will that much.
(10-23-2009, 12:09 PM)Tm0 Wrote: [ -> ]We are. And we are sorta dating, but she still just can't feel the power too.
(10-23-2009, 04:04 AM)Аноним Интерфейс Wrote: [ -> ]You sir are a rarity amongst the multitude. I am sympathetically obligated to share my experiences with this beautiful yet superficially atrocious process. Most people who experience low self-esteem are generally unable to function either emotionally, physically, spiritually, generating a normal state of homeostasis. Most cases this is due to severe trauma, but can be borne through many other abnormalities (abnormalities in family life these days is rapidly becoming a consistency), but generally what the person needs is a dedicated, perpetually-loving friend or any one-on-one relationship. Assuming that the person is a lazy fudge, you need to burn them hard. Flame them all to hell and back; but the toughest part is differentiating between indolence and sincerity of issue.
BTW, whats up S0rath?
You know her a little to well Sir, and thank your for at least saying i am not average. I actually apprieacate it. But will pushing her that hard just make her brake? Because that what worries me. I don't want to force her against her will that much.
The only true path to a persons heart is time. Spend time with her; if she displays manipulative behavior, simply confront her with it. If you uphold a line of open communication, then you are going to achieve a lot more.
The reason I am presenting generic advice is because relationships are a case-to-case basis; which means you must maneuver through it at the right pace and emotional intensity. Sir, don't give up; that only reinforces the already crumbling esteem of the person. And what a sad moment it is to see a person fall, when you could have saved there life; it haunts you for the rest of your life.