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Here's mine:
"I took a crap on a drug dealer because I'm sexy."

Mine is:

I got married with your mom because I hate my life.

Seems funny.

I shot Santa Claus because I hate my life

I took a crap on an egg, because that's what I am!

I pissed on Michael Jackson because that's what I am.

Great. I feel awesome

I stabbed a monkey 'cause I have perfect abs.

Well...
I don't really have anything to say about it.

I pissed on a fat guy because I'm sexy.

I ran naked with a horse because I smoked crack.